Goodbye

There is nothing wrong
We exist
Still, I can't save you
You can't save me
Death and Birth happen
We fill the inbetweens
With life and love
Some stay too long
Others glow so bright
And then they are gone
Ghosts haunt lives if they pass from
The memory of the ones
Who loved them in living days
So remember me
I loved you
Imperfect and flawed
But deeply

Run

For we were there
Selling our lives dear
Fighting for our shores
And our lands
The Persians are defeated
Go runner
Go tell the king
Run until your heart stops
You have news to share
Tell all the Greeks
That the Persians are beaten
And that there will be
Freedom for Greece
For every Greek
Run
Our life into our future
As a free people
Is begun

Softly Speaking My Name

Softly speaking my name
You called me from the grave
Offering me, unlimited life
In exchange for my time
You are God
I am not
My life is empty without you
My soul hungers for truth
I give you full control
I am nothing but a soul
Wearing a cloak of flesh
You saved me as I take my first breath
Into lungs that are finally free
Ever onward to be redeemed
Yours
Ever more

Ancient King of Egypt

Crossed his chest
Staff, orb and rod
The corpse of the king
Deserved to be preserved
For it housed the spirit
Of the future god
High above his people
He alone could be
Reborn in the heavens
Where he would battle Set
And his minions would devour
The enemy whole and full
Accompanied by his throne
His jewels and his fineries
He was laid there
Along with the objects
Of power
He was deposited
Deep in the ground
Covered by traps and walls
He would be safe
Until the hour
When eternity called
He would again be ascendant
Standing high above the land
He would exert his will
Standing upon an invisible tower
Telling the people his story
And how they could honor
The gods of the land
By their worship
Love of the land
And the Gods

Winter's breath

Trees shrouded by comforting white
Morning light
Cannot be extinguished
But my soul lingers
In sorrow of the fight
The proper prayer is lost in my mind
For I cannot distinguish
The words 
This beautiful moment disguises the fact
That this bitter December
Has been the coldest of my soul
Trying to forgive is the hardest of tasks
The crimes I can't bear to remember
But I offer this prayer to make me whole
Oh God
Please be merciful
Pour down the grace
I do not deserve
And let me live
Again


“In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within
me there lay an invincible summer.”  Albert Camus  

I couldn't speak

Too many tears in my eyes
Obscured my vision and
I was blinded and I felt so
Meek
I looked down at my feet
And shuffled, stumbled
I couldn't speak
I was embarrassed
By my weakness
My heart couldn't be honest
And tell you the words
In my mouth and mind
Even though
They were there
Ready to be said
And now
They've pulled you down
From the cross
And they say you are dead
And the words
Are still inside me
And I can only
Beg you for forgiveness
Since you are gone
And I believe
I just wish I had said so
While you were still here
Wait
Was that you?
Oh my God
Or am I wrong
That it looked like you
My savior
That it looked
Like freedom

An end you desired

Je suis entré dans un domaine de la douleur

Since you left, I've missed your gaze, and demure

But I was not the one who broke our union

With the desire to be

Untrue

To you, I shared

All I was, everything I had

All I own, my heart declared

I would never be with another

You possessed my spirit and being

We entered communion

Our love was a chalice

We both drank from

A wine of the finest vintage

I never could have foreseen

How you would steal from one

Who would give you anything

From without and from within

My love is elaborate, extravagant

Your desire to be declared without sin

Your refusal to accept blame

Destroyed our love

My ability to trust

We can not enter reunion

You've destroyed the bonds

I will never return

In your chains like a slave

At your command

Under your thumb

It would be torture

Despite my love

And desire and crave

Yes I burn

But I am not willing

To suffer

Again

For your pleasure

The Truth Is

I get told all the time
I shouldn't still live in the past
As if my losses can ever be redeemed
Or my soul recovered
Still
Into the depth of Hell I've been cast

As for me, I will meet you, in Elysium

I called to you
Called to you
Soon I shall
Whence I die
This world will fade
And the end will come into view
The shadow world will not hold my soul
That land of sorrows will not be my fate
My family, my love, they will be with me
In Elysium
Now that I have aged
My memory dims
My legacy echoes
Only there in my dreams
Where I am still young
I have served
Until my days were sore
From being dragged
From campaign to another
My days are short
I care not about destiny
I marched from Rome to Germania
For my Emperor, my liege, my family
From the Gaul to Arabia
I did not march in vain
Through bloodied body
And grieving tears
We gave glory to the empire
From Britainnia to Dacia
I gave my blood, sweat and years
So that my family and land
All of the Empire's people
Could live free and safe
So now that I am tired
Join me in the end
In Elysium

Glorious Love, you give me courage

The journey has been so very long
The battle has gone on, and on
My wounds still bleed
The scars will never leave
And so many friends lost
Who I grieve yet
So if I fade away
  it won't be because I've lost my way
         You have been a beacon of light
Guiding me
Every moment
You are my inspiration to continue this fight
In this lifelong quest
It seems the enemies of my lord are endless
My journey has been painful
I didn't expect to be so exhausted
                     I never thought I could be so tired
And I feel like I will fail
So thank you
My love
You give so freely
For giving me heart
When the world had destroyed me
You are all I have
Even then, my heart fails
From the pain
From my endless torment
I've lost so many friends
This quest is so demanding
Thank you my love
Cher amour, votre beauté lève mon courage
Though the world tries
It can only damage 
The armor
But thanks to you
Never the spirit 
Held within

As the world spills over I remain

God I ask
How can we still not see
How can we still not see the need
For redemption
Catastrophes and disasters
Wars and degradation
Hatred and fires
Sorrow poured out
Yes, upon the innocent
And no one offers a hand
Decay and starvation
Avoidance and delay
Is there no one
To speak for the orphan
For the widow
For those desolate
For the truly desperate
If we truly believe
How do we not see
High above the world
I look below
And see the people of the land
So wounded
They cry,
We starve
We sorrow
We need
Each and every one of us
Where is the justice
Where is salvation
How can we live
In the shadow of damnation
My heart breaks for the broken
My prayers go out for the hopes unspoken
Of the souls who suffer
Waiting for the soul cleansing rain
And I remain
We children live upon the earth
Never offered to be hidden
Hidden from the curse
Only how to take
Every inch of sorrow
So now
In the face of sin
Bearing abject wickedness
And the brutal pain
The injustice is temporary
The curse will not last
I raise my voice
Stand and shout
I will stand
And still remain

Lead me

I'll follow your lead
Marching like soldier
Obedient and loyal
I trust what you say
Eyes closed, moving forward

You are who I believe
Upon this eternal sojourn
Will even take poison
I promise not to betray
I know how to take orders

So why am I wondering
Where you intend to go

Your touch isn't comforting
My life so fallow

Yours truly

Beauty in the Darkness

Despite your fragility
Your form is woven of godflesh 
Your wings powerful enough to cut through sky
Your flesh tormented and broken, but finely created
Washed upon the shore, injured, decayed
The song you sing gracility
I wonder if you live, but then feel your soft breath
They call you a demon, but I ask why
Our love eternal and ill fated
This beauty, in darkness, a dance delayed
Our flesh connect
In a intricate ballet

nobody

I never chose the date
It was given to me
And wondered
If were going to arrive
On time or late
I never asked for more
But everyone does
They are broken
And grieving
Because
Nobody gets away
Without dying
Nobody lives their life
Without the tears of crying

You Tried

You tried to take me from this place
But I couldn't be moved
I was miserable either way
Fully covered even when nude
My spirit hid from liberation
My chains felt so good
And I grew fat upon starvation
You know it is true
I grieved in summer
And celebrated the deepest winter
The only thing that made me smile
Was rain washing away the day
Dear God I am such a sinner
Without joy or guile
I hide my face
But when I hear your name
I know
Yes I know the truth
The rain brings life
Every bit as much as the sun
I cherish the darkness
For the solitude
But I welcome the light
Brought by the one

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Dead Are Unaware

How much do we sacrifice
To give back to life
And our kin
Some live without fear
Others bear the weight
Of their tribe
Everyone endures their share
But not everyone finds victory
A life might have been without hope
It might have been painful
Even a nightmare
But in the end
All of the dead sleep
They need no permission
To lay where they do
They are not yet in Elysium
However much they might desire
Instead they sleep without care
Over the cost of this life
Their soul's thought
Insistent
The flesh decays
The body turns to dust
The dead are unaware
Of the toll of existence
Who will pay the ferryman
To carry me to shore so distant
Who will judge this life
When my hopes
Dreams were so brilliant
However unfulfilled

“Unbeing dead isn't being alive.” ee cummings

Unguarded, unarmored

I was covered in steel
Trained in war, a killer of men
Raised to be a warrior from a boy
I was a knight and man
She was innocent
Filled of a certain joy
I was deeply moved
By her gaze
Her scent
Sound of her voice
When I heard her
Thought of the moment
And possible future
When I caught her in my eye
Our souls would collide
It felt as if we merged
Our love became as art
Deep called to deep*
I looked and her beauty
Ripped my comfort apart
Her beauty became inducing
I was in trouble
Repeated blows to my breastplate
Straight to my heart
Loving her was beyond confusing
Requiring the deepest faith
In the reward of love
Because I knew it was true
But getting to the union
Where we both could stand
Was glacially slow
When would we be
Together
And find communion


*Psalm 42:7

Fate met with Destiny

Fate isn't an invitation
It is a silent expectation
It is not something we do
Instead it is
Something we unconsciously pursue
In the end we remember
And celebrate our victories
But rather it might so be that
Unfulfilled destinies are counted
And remembered as our failures
Unknown expectations are misery
These unfair and concrete contracts
We enter the void emptied
After a life alone
Silent and without a savior

For I am a weed,
Flung from the rock, on Ocean's foam, to sail,
Where'er the surge may sweep, the tempest's breath prevail.

Lord Byron

Dust falls

Everything we have ever created
Will some day become dust
Rising from the earth
Black and blown by winds
And everything we do together
Is driven by lust
Or fear
And we never know
How long this will last

Living Legacy

While you grew up I aged to such a point
I'd never be able to be restored
Time steals life
And people always want more
But I am content
You are my legacy upon this world
And I love you
To my very core

There is this, and there is you

Maker

Creator

Architect

Of forever

People ask for miracles

Ask to see your work

But I see your creations

The children and people I treasure

All the features upon the land

I've seen the stars

The planets, world's end

I see the works of your hand 

I hear the cry of nature

And in that 

I see you

I understand

I feel your power

And your majesty

I am in complete

Utter amazement

You placed this world

In golden raiment

We are loved

You are knowable

And I see you there

We are like children

Waiting for you

To reach out to us

We never realize

Our folly and the pretense

Of the created

Demanding the Creator

An audience

Rather

We should pay homage

To the glorious king

Of all eternity

Hanging Victim

Hung from a tree his body swayed
With the wind
A crowd had gathered to gawk
They thought who was this
And why should I care
No one could hear it but there was a prayer
He was asking for forgiveness of his sin
His breathes fewer, ticks the clock
Alone he will enter the abyss
So all you sinners beware
This could be you

The disaster game

We'd all be willing to help
To solve the problem
Since it affects us
But the scientists and researchers 
Say words that only upon deep inspection
Will we be able to think we know
These words of these experts
Are soporific, deathly
Making things unclear
They set out to be authoritative
They act commanding
Instead
By the special words they speak
They confuse most any listener
They make certain
That the cause seems lost
Without them to save us
So we turn over all decisions
All of our choices
To these nameless people
Who'll dirty the water even more
So that others will pay the cost
And these experts end up
With everything
And nothing is solved, at all

gaze

I don't know anymore
What is ok
What is permissible
I keep a distance
My immediate response
is visceral
I can't help it
I am lost
I can't function
I'd stare
but to gaze
is much softer
you are too beautiful
for me to be subtle
I remain
confused
I apologize
I get lost
in your eyes
watching you
is ecstasy
Kissing you
would be
some sort of
dream
to be close to you
would be
something like
heavenly
but my thoughts
and feelings
aren't really
that saintly

Go To Hell

When fighting you said
Go to Hell
Yet
I've been living there
You scream, you demonstrate
You vomit your hate
Cause my sorrow
You accuse and attack me
I take residence in the shadows
Your hatred never relents
You keep me in torment
I know the landscape of hell
So let me tell you
I refuse your invitation
I refuse your damnation
You've condemned me to a life
Of desolation
Leave me now
Forever and after

Mammon's gifts

By offering fruit of labor without labor
He encourages hunger
By removing our hope
He encourages hate
He offers himself as a replacement savior
He offers wine to sate our thirst
Offers enough rope
To kill ourselves
He says harvest beyond the safe yield
Save nothing for the future
Yes Mammon is not our friend
We have polluted our world
As his sacrifice
Forgotten love replaced with lust
Watching as our society turns to dust
We pollute our lives as our tithe
Obediently we ignore the words
Spoken by prophets
For the future no longer beckons
Only decay
Seeds scattered to the wind
Instead of the field
Future generations will be aborted
Then it becomes castrated
For the land is worn
SO very little remains
Only our flesh
Our hunger
Our greed
And hate

the hunger remains

The hunger remains
The sorrow bleeds
The fecund master
Calls to his children
There is a grave pain
That comes from need
A heart in disaster
From the outside hidden
I've gone insane
But I have a disease
My life shattered
Ignored by all
Enemies and kindred

"Her heart was broken. Why would they try to cure her with pills and powders?”  Leo Tolstoy

Parsifal, return to us

Did the Cathars hold the Grail
Waiting for Parsifal reborn?
Did the Templars in sleep
Hide the secrets of the vine
Only to awaken to fight the horde?
What secrets and myths
What legends and hidden knowledge
Burn in the heart
The visions of the mind
The depths of spirit
Inside the deepest core?





"You must be rich and poor with discretion. A nobleman who squanders his property does not display a noble spirit, while if he hoards his wealth to excess it will bring dishonour."  

"You must never lose your sense of shame. If one is past all shame what is one fit for? One lives like a bird in moult, shedding good qualities like plumes all pointing down to Hell."

Wolfram von Eschenbach

Tomorrow might be worse

Je suis fini
The city is foul with smoke
From coal stoked chimneys
Industrial noise pollutes the air
Our garbage is strewn
All around us
So that we can
Consume more
This earth is bleeding
I close my eyes
Make still my being
I listen to the beating
Of cataclysm's rhythm

I ask myself
If survival is enough
Because I know the truth
This world is dying
If I am alive
Is it even better than death
Why bother
Why bother
All the while
The green has been calling
There is nothing like its voice
I've found no other sound
That causes my heart
To rejoice

I am not given
The right to choose
Between my soul
And my mind
The world keeps trying
Mais il échoue dès le début 
I sorrow the decay of this world
I grieve the death of hope
I cannot continue endlessly

Je suis très fatigué d'essayer

If I loved

Again my words fail
My eyes lose contact
Can't remember the words
Because if I loved you
Like a leaf in a gale
My soul would dance
Or like birds
I'd be tossed into
Tumultuous winds
Of passion
If I loved you
That is
But I would never say that
If I said that, I'd be a fool
And I might be a fool
But not about this
Damn it
I need a pseudonym
Why can't a man say he loves you
Without everything falling in on him
I should know or not
If I love you
Because then I'd be filled with joy
And confusion
And

what was I saying?

Broken, they are, for our pleasure

Helmets and swords
Flesh, bones
Blood sacrificed
For the pleasure
Of the crowd
Of leisure
Betting their treasure
Bodies
Broken for you
Slaves trained
Bodies scarred and stained
On the way to stardom
In combat, in the ring
On the fields
For the cheering crowds
From ancient to modern
Taking bodies of the willing
Turning them into the broken
We are sheep and are led
By our masters
Nothing has changed
Bodies sacrificed
For the pleasure
Of the crowds
With wars
Without the dead

Winter battlefield in Gaul

Shroud of white
Mist of purity
Halo of fog
Rising and covering me
The forest is a maze
With the echoes of war
Elder wood, nearly black trees
With the lingering memory
Of the clash
The ground once printed
With Roman sandals
And Celtic bare feet
The screams of anger
The muted moans of the dying
Become a confluence
A river of tears
From the children of the warriors
All crying
But the days now are modern
The forests are cut
Made to harvest
But the earth remembers
The dreams of conquest
The memories of a slaughter
Where no army won the day
The war forgotten
None remember the contest

My Lady of Sorrow

If you allow me
To pull back
The gossamer thin veil
You call your soul
I will try and not fail
To see the dreams
You never had
And cry the tears
You've never shed
I grieve the children
You have mourned
Who you never met
Because life wasn't kind
When one day he left
The future never happened
The children remained
Only as dreams
Leaving your soul
Bereft

I can't make it better
From this place
I can't hold you tightly
But I can cry
And dream while you sleep
Hold you in my heart
Make certain to guard
All the secrets
That you keep
If you allow me
I will cover you
With your veil
And pass

Mourning your sadness
But dreaming you
Into hope
Into something that may last
I pray you heal
I pray your heart no longer mourns
I cannot change the past
But I can paint your future
Upon a canvas
Of hope
I can
And I dream of you
Dream of you
Dream of you

Struggle

I am never able to be free
My ego is a chain that claims me
I struggle deeply, but become weak from the effort
I know I cannot escape, I will be held forever