Parsifal, return to us

Did the Cathars hold the Grail
Waiting for Parsifal reborn?
Did the Templars in sleep
Hide the secrets of the vine
Only to awaken to fight the horde?
What secrets and myths
What legends and hidden knowledge
Burn in the heart
The visions of the mind
The depths of spirit
Inside the deepest core?





"You must be rich and poor with discretion. A nobleman who squanders his property does not display a noble spirit, while if he hoards his wealth to excess it will bring dishonour."  

"You must never lose your sense of shame. If one is past all shame what is one fit for? One lives like a bird in moult, shedding good qualities like plumes all pointing down to Hell."

Wolfram von Eschenbach

Tomorrow might be worse

Je suis fini
The city is foul with smoke
From coal stoked chimneys
Industrial noise pollutes the air
Our garbage is strewn
All around us
So that we can
Consume more
This earth is bleeding
I close my eyes
Make still my being
I listen to the beating
Of cataclysm's rhythm

I ask myself
If survival is enough
Because I know the truth
This world is dying
If I am alive
Is it even better than death
Why bother
Why bother
All the while
The green has been calling
There is nothing like its voice
I've found no other sound
That causes my heart
To rejoice

I am not given
The right to choose
Between my soul
And my mind
The world keeps trying
Mais il échoue dès le début 
I sorrow the decay of this world
I grieve the death of hope
I cannot continue endlessly

Je suis très fatigué d'essayer

If I loved

Again my words fail
My eyes lose contact
Can't remember the words
Because if I loved you
Like a leaf in a gale
My soul would dance
Or like birds
I'd be tossed into
Tumultuous winds
Of passion
If I loved you
That is
But I would never say that
If I said that, I'd be a fool
And I might be a fool
But not about this
Damn it
I need a pseudonym
Why can't a man say he loves you
Without everything falling in on him
I should know or not
If I love you
Because then I'd be filled with joy
And confusion
And

what was I saying?

Broken, they are, for our pleasure

Helmets and swords
Flesh, bones
Blood sacrificed
For the pleasure
Of the crowd
Of leisure
Betting their treasure
Bodies
Broken for you
Slaves trained
Bodies scarred and stained
On the way to stardom
In combat, in the ring
On the fields
For the cheering crowds
From ancient to modern
Taking bodies of the willing
Turning them into the broken
We are sheep and are led
By our masters
Nothing has changed
Bodies sacrificed
For the pleasure
Of the crowds
With wars
Without the dead

Winter battlefield in Gaul

Shroud of white
Mist of purity
Halo of fog
Rising and covering me
The forest is a maze
With the echoes of war
Elder wood, nearly black trees
With the lingering memory
Of the clash
The ground once printed
With Roman sandals
And Celtic bare feet
The screams of anger
The muted moans of the dying
Become a confluence
A river of tears
From the children of the warriors
All crying
But the days now are modern
The forests are cut
Made to harvest
But the earth remembers
The dreams of conquest
The memories of a slaughter
Where no army won the day
The war forgotten
None remember the contest

My Lady of Sorrow

If you allow me
To pull back
The gossamer thin veil
You call your soul
I will try and not fail
To see the dreams
You never had
And cry the tears
You've never shed
I grieve the children
You have mourned
Who you never met
Because life wasn't kind
When one day he left
The future never happened
The children remained
Only as dreams
Leaving your soul
Bereft

I can't make it better
From this place
I can't hold you tightly
But I can cry
And dream while you sleep
Hold you in my heart
Make certain to guard
All the secrets
That you keep
If you allow me
I will cover you
With your veil
And pass

Mourning your sadness
But dreaming you
Into hope
Into something that may last
I pray you heal
I pray your heart no longer mourns
I cannot change the past
But I can paint your future
Upon a canvas
Of hope
I can
And I dream of you
Dream of you
Dream of you

Struggle

I am never able to be free
My ego is a chain that claims me
I struggle deeply, but become weak from the effort
I know I cannot escape, I will be held forever

alone

My little one
I offer very little
But songs to serenade you
So that you might finally dream
My love for you is endless
Life is not safe, even after done
I long to hear your giggle
It reveals so much truth
A secret I could never keep
Forgive my selfishness
All I wanted
Was to love you
All I needed was your heart
To merge with my own
And without you I'll be haunted
Never to meet anyone new
So broken I could never again start
And I am left alone

"It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is as true of men as of dogs."  
Eric Hoffer

A queen

Her beauty extravagant
Her talents exquisite
Her choices questionable
Her will adamant
Her form elegant
However, her anger was inevitable
For those who approached in need
Were turned away
With heaps of scorn

Burn the Letter

I thought it was over
I thought that the word
She used was never
But she sent me letters
Scented letters
With vanilla
And jasmine
I was still fragile
A delicate soul
Broken
From the loss
We all suffer
Carried the candle
Down the hall
And stared for hours
At a clock that beat
Second after second
Without change
Constant
I had nothing to say
So I never wrote back
Our positions were exchanged
One for the other
Her love gave me wings
But she said it was a fling
Never meant to last
The words and letters
All fell off the page
I haven't any idea
Which is better
Living or dying
Which is better
Crying or forgiving
These tears are sweet
But still sting
Because she wrote me
A letter full of words and letters
I don't understand
I don't understand

Torn

Between the eternal and temporal
We have choices to determine
As children with lives ephemeral
Or older than our time bearing burdens

salvum me fac

Ego non potestis salvi fieri

Do we live in our flesh desiring to be immortal
Or do we wear a cloak of meat knowing it won't last
Aware of our sins, living out our days remorseful
Or feeling no guilt for anything, unworried if outcast

salvum me fac

Ego non potestis salvi fieri

This world offers no guidance, no signs, only questions
We are living in absurdity, our fate sealed with no answers
Do we rise and accept our fate, or is our fate regression
Do we wallow in misery, asking what has happened only after

salvum me fac

Ego non potestis salvi fieri

Who are we
Why are we here
What is our purpose
When will it be clear?





Because, after all, even the Angel of Death has a purpose.

frozen cold

A broken man wrote
Touching the pen to paper
He was writing a goodbye
To the life he'd led
And goodbye to you
He said
My poison has no antitode
I'll explain later
I have no way to deny
I'd rather be dead
That's the truth
Yes dead
A deep and dead winter
Never bothered me at all
My body is thin and exposed
I made my mind up
I am dead weight
And a burden
I know I am a sinner
I can't hear god's call
I need to go
I've got to get ready to take a pose
My dead body is being snubbed
By the people who long to hate
I beg your pardon
I need to run
I am on my way

Can you hear me calling?

Can you hear me
Calling
Wake me up
From this slumber
My heart is cold
My spirit has frozen
Frozen water falling
Like a river in winter
Like the ice capped ocean
I am so cold I can't feel
The world has splintered
My heart is broken
Wake me up
I am begging you
Begging
This world is dying of erosion
My heart is stopped with no emotion
And all I can do
Is beg you
To please
Wake me
Wake me
Wake me

Holding his bleeding head

In a fit of rage
I reached out
And struck him
I am in a cage
Of flaming doubt
And raging sin
How can I stop myself
I can't be here like this
With nothing left
In my self created abyss
My sanity is cracked
Who am I
Why did I act
When did I change
I did something I can't take back
And I am left
In my darkness
Of my own design
My soul ransacked
By my demons
Let loose
And my chains
Tighten
Hell is endless

Across the top of the world, they strode

They were unique
Forged by their environment
Without fear of any enemies
They flew across the seas
With absolute mastery
Took what they wanted
Landing their dragon ships
Raged forward with
A horrific visage
Broadswords and axes
Left behind burning villages
Made certain their own survival
Becoming the apex predator
Through battle and pillage
The world around them
Tried to understand
What was going on
Without success
There was a message
Being delivered
We will not go away
We will not be turned away
Until the world is ours
Until we are completely slain

Read more about the wildmen of the North
In The Ravens of Odin by Ed Quinby and Alex Ness

Boudica's Revenge

In an age of Roman expansion
The king of the Iceni tribe died
And what had been promised
To him in life
Was stolen away
Soon after his death
His daughters were raped
His wife tortured
And his tribe placed into subjugation
Die free, or live in slavery
The choice was clear
And Queen Boudica led a revolt
To send a message
To the invader Romans
That the Iceni and other Britons
Would not flee or surrender
They were defending their home
Boudica went into battle
Driving her people into frenzy
Burning Camulodunum
Destroying Londinium,
Destroying Verulamium
The Romans sent the IX Legion
To quell the rebellion
And the professional troops
Did indeed succeed
But that same Legion IX disappeared
100 years later
Still bleeding and in disorder
From the battles before

READ in detail the story of
Boudica and the Romans versus the Celts
in SACRED GROUND  by Ed Quinby and Alex Ness

Protector of his Keep

He always wished to be
The protector of his keep
His domain was his passion
And yet he was tired
But
Even should he sleep
Beautiful velvet dreams
Could never satisfy
The Dragon
He'd rather defeat the enemy
Kill every assassin
But he slept
Deep in the black thick forest
The faeries of the wood
Shared with butterflies
The wonder of the beauty
Of such a wild, untamed place
Could be summed up
With the look upon
The dragon's face
When he saw the joy
Of the dance
At midnight
In the moonlight
By the faeries and their kin

“Beware the sleeping dragon. For when she awakes the Earth will shake."

Winston Churchill


I wrote a book about Faeries
Find it HERE

When the solitude strikes

I cannot exist
Alone again
My eyes refuse to see
the scenes of pain
I am unable to resist
In the wind I am hanging
My feet and arms dangle
Like a mad man in a fit
I turn and twist
With every breeze
Blowing my body about
There is nothing left
Except
My body be cut down
From the tree
Come noose
Begin the harvest
Let the noose fit only me
Let loose the Apocalypse
I embrace it
Dive into the abyss
Ready for my darkness

The Black Smoke Never Stopped

The beast has a hunger
An appetite for the innocent
There must be a feast
For its sucklings to grow
The chosen are gathered
They have been scorned
Torn from their homes
They are slaughtered
Bodies torn, crushed lives
But there is no pyre
This is no sacrifice
This is annihilation
The beast never stops
His hunger never ends
With ovens then
The dead are burned
Completely consumed
The fires never stop
The ovens are fed
They never end
With black smoke rising
The morning isn't coming soon
The crows refuse to caw
For the end is found
Only by dying
The beast still hungers
New trains come in
Emptying the chosen
For slaughter
To feed the fires again

Ashes of the Fallen

Into a very different form of hell the Jews were sent
Being a world where values and morals were bent
The Nazis were bearers of the crooked cross
Christ's blood for them would be a waste, and lost
As the forms of the now dead victims bodies
Are crammed into ovens in great numbers to burn hotly
The sun is blocked from the ashes rising
What humans cannot see, is this isn't humanity dying
It is the altar of sacrifice to the Anti-Christ
Who then grows in power, but not righteousness
This is the first of the final days
The four horsemen will cross through the haze
Of strewn and falling Ash
The world survives but cannot last

Filled with fear

They hunt me down
I am
Uniquely filled with fear
And scarred and impure
I can't move on
They have many ways to learn
They'll find out
That I live in fear of the world
Finding out that I
Am naive, I still believe
In love and kindness
That every birth means
We might find the answer
With the genius
Of these boys and girls

I couldn't answer

I am so sorry

I couldn't answer 

Not that question

It ripped me open

I always worry

You won't love me

If you knew

And now

I fulfilled that prediction

By not giving you

A chance to judge

By refusing to answer

It burns

Like cancer

Like kerosene

Bathing flames

Across my raw skin

Now I am lower

Than shit or dirt

I am sacrificed

Again

For all of my sins

I deserve it

But still

It hurts

You know it does

I can't give in

Or I will

Revert

To my original state

That of 

Inconsequential 

Unrequitted 

Hate

Soar with me!

My soul grants consent
For you to take my hand
Join me in forever
Where we can be
Together
I dreamed I saw you
Before we ever met
You were heaven sent
All I wished for
When I met you in this life
I no longer had to seek you
In my sleep and dreams
I awoke to your call
You are amazing
More beautiful
Than I've ever dreamt
I felt your presence
As you walked in the room
I immediately picked up
Your chosen scent
Orange blossoms
So much sexier
Than any perfume
My heart beats in ascent
Soon I will be flying
My body feels electric
Let us have one heart
Between us
Your eyes are so blue
So majestic
I want you to take me
So far from here
Let us soar, soar together
Our destination is anywhere
So long as you are near

Pride's glare

It seems we never speak aloud
Words we keep inside our mouths
But our heart is fully aware
That truth is a field as yet unplowed
Sorrow inside us becomes a land of drought
Eyes blinded by pride and the inside fire's glare
We burn in our choices
And lose our voices
We are lost
And burn 

Death Rider

Death arrives upon a horse
To kiss the soon to be dead
One might try
To live a good life
One might hope
To never die
But death will happen
So who is ready to ride?

Follow you

I follow you to the place
We might embrace
I long to touch your lips
I desire one kiss
You are the glory of existence
You destroyed my resistance
Be mine
Please
Be mine

wasted

"In vino veritas."  Plato

We send our youth to war

For our imperial designs

They return broken

Their wounds unrecognized

Their sorrows unspoken

We as much take the gift from the vine
The finest vintage year

The most prized creation

And pour it out 

Upon the floor

Ridding ourselves

Of the finest vintage
The abomination is
We've wasted it
Treated it with foolishness

The most cherished wine

Ignored, untasted

The chosen generation

Broken and wasted

In wine there is truth

Let us not waste that truth

Alpha and Omega

Upon a beautiful blue planet
Covered in water, oxygen and flora
A species called human
Has become the apex predator
They've risen after competing
Many thousands of years
With violent enemies
Also with each other
Until the brightest minds
Of their tribes understood
They had to join together
To survive

They are a mixed lot
This human species
Some are massive, strong
Covered in muscle and skin
Some are weak, small
But also they are bright and clever
Few are born to become the alpha
But to just to have been born
Makes a human powerful
Humans dominate their environment
Even those living in harmony there
Alive in this physical form

Covered in flesh, protected by bone
Gifted with memory, language
And culture
Rise above the tribal limits
And the individuals of their kind
They lead the way
Sometimes falling
Sometimes rising
Most often moving forward
Despite their many flaws
Due to inertia
Momentum and luck

This species ignores entropy
They rise above their worst moments
Because they possess talents
Believing that they own their destiny
Thus transcend their past and present
To control the future
With certainty
To be the apex predator
The alpha
Endlessly

“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.”
― Albert Einstein

Despite knowing

Despite knowing
The world would burn
How many knew 
Still refused to turn
How many cried yet refused 
To call out his name
How many fled still 
When the Horsemen came
Yet, they came near me
They were near
And I heard them
It was easy to hear
Their hooves 
Strike the sky
Thunder crashes
So many die
The abyss awaits
And the abyss is deep
The final harvest had begun
And the world is asleep
The reaper had let the blade fall
There are no secrets left to keep 
Let the end come
As reaper reaps

"I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! 
Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following 
close behind him. They were given power over a 
fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, 
and by the wild beasts of the earth."

Revelation 6:8       The Holy Bible

Because I knew you

I breathe in
And know inside
I am redeemed 
I have told you that I loved you
With every moment I live
My heart beats the rhythm
Of my love song written
For you, since I've been forgiven
My hands dirty with my own sin
My soul covered in your blood
Forgiven within
I am ready
Because I knew you
Inside my heart

Pestilence: White Horse and Rider

They were called into being
The seal was broken and the trumpets blew
A white horse of evident power rode
And his rider bore a powerful bow
Horse and rider were agile, lithe, swift
And they were to bring sorrow
For their gift of pestilence
Their gift of conquests
Humanity never knew
The mass destructive that would happen
Endless grieving exhausted the soul
Endless violence exhausting the flesh
No chance to ever renew
All humans would become
Servants to those they had mastered
But when the rider and steed came
Humans learned the truth

Guardians

Not every warrior loves war
Some are created to fight
Some are born for battle
Some refuse the burden
Some break, only they understand why
Many more bear the scars
Crumbling beneath honor's might
Bodies broken, final death rattle
But they have killed the gorgon
Before they themselves die

Destiny and Fate echo

No one person chooses their destiny
Nor are they allowed to avoid fate
But the many desire power
And some still resort to hate
Our motives become our legacy
As the cruel reality is
What you love most
Is where your treasures lay
All anyone can do is overcome
Pour out their final measure
The cost is of your life
You can absolute pay
But will you do so?

Forest Brethren

He worked his life without being wealthy
He had a small family and was happy
His world was easy to understand
But so few knew
He had a past
He was a defender of the land
And what he had to do
Didn't leave him mentally healthy
His home in Latvia was captured
By the Soviet Union
The liberated by the Nazis
On their way to complete dominion
Of the lands east, for living space
And a boy who saw terrible things
Took up a rifle and escaped
To the forests
And joined the partisans
They were called the Forest brethren
And they fought any invader
They resisted fascists
They fought communists
And long after they could have won
The Forest Brethren remained
Ready and willing
An angry tribe
They were animals, wild
Never tamed
And eventually
The heroes who had survived
Tasted liberty
What was done
Faded into memory
But those who had fought
Knew the cost
Names like Jānis Pīnups
Saw the release of their lands

Black Swan Broken

I know I am fragile
A delicate creature
Full of tears and hurt
Prayers unspoken
I worry
And know I can't go on
If I am broken
In all the ways it matters
I know that I am breaking
Breaking
And I can't fix myself
I am alone
My words fall into silence
Everything I know
Tells me I need to scream
And still it leaves me empty
Nothing inside
Not even dreams
Nothing left
Nothing to keep me
Satisfied
I believe in God
But I worry
That this generation
This abomination
Has committed Deicide
And while nothing
Can kill the all powerful
He might turn
And never return
To know
His ignorant children
Ever again