Humans are the virus

We thought ourselves so brilliant
Creating machines so very clever
We sacrificed our children to find it
But it will kill everyone some day
We are bright but we are dangerous
We wont have to worry over killing it
Because we've made it virus free forever
If you choose to do so, try to define it
Creating a child who'd kill you some way

Every debt is paid, Be ready for Forever

Many think they've found paradise
with luxury, pleasure and treasures
They fool themselves day after day
But the truth would leave them undone
With broken, screaming, hearts bleeding
their minds, unbelieving, going numb
And to then enjoy their riches
They sought the pleasures of the flesh

When faced with my own dilemma
I learned the truth, a lesson in love
People want to be King of this world
While those who seek the truth
Are shunned
Most spend all of their days waiting
Counting debts and sums
That could have been me

But
I've been living for the one
Morning is here and the Son is shining
The new day is begun and He is brilliant
Spectacular
And more glorious
Than one thousand suns
His work is done
And I am ready
For the ever

Adieu

In dying moments
There is salt and sweat
Bleeding tears
My cheeks are wet
From the cost of it all
The endless years
That pretended to be important
Life should escape regret
But it won't
I was somebody's voodoo doll
Rather than a life
So moving from here
I won't offer my view
It doesn't matter
I bid you adieu

I surrendered

I never wanted it
But it was what it was
I still got the suffering
Never celebrating
How my fate broke the story
Of a life's sacrifice
Fate blew cold
Blew hot
Would never not retaliate
Against me
No matter what I did
Wherever I went
What disguise I wore
Still it was there
It found me, hollowed me
Sucked the life from my bones
And the spirit left inside
Left as a remnant spirit
Still impossible to renew
Suicidal and yet, alive
Too scared to quit
What do you doNothing is holy
When you surrender
Nothing remains
When you are insane
But your bones
Left behind in little piles
Perfect little rows

Dreaming my escape from this fetid world

I dream of her
Pray to her
Ask her to 
Redeem my belief
Forgive me of my doubt
I wait for her to rescue me
From this vapid, empty world
Fetid and bestial
All my fault
Fecund and foul it leeches
Every ounce of me comes out
Bleeding and restless
My flesh spat out
My being even hurled
Into the sun
Burning my memories
Of the one
I dream of her
Again
She is the only
Saving grace
Showed me mercy
In the fire
Soothes my heart
Calms my desire
I dream of her
And no one else
I sleep in fetal curl
To save my self
Good night again
Good night

I hear you yelling, but

Over there
On the hill
Oh I can see you
Standing
You are shouting
But I can't tell
What you're saying
Are asking for help
Are you telling me
To go ahead and die
Are you saying you love me
or is it that you hate me now
And you refuse to lie
Mixed signals
Mixed emotions
Smoke signals
Wind blown smoke
I can't cope
With everything
Turning into something
Big
Emotions exploding
Like some big explosion
Worse than atom bombs
I can't see from all the smoke
And all the blame
From all the wrongs
I give up
I give in
It doesn't matter

Curtain rise, actors act

My heart never took directions well
But I should have listened
And in the absence
I've been in form of hell
Within my silent mind
Waiting for you to call
To speak or yell
Anything to tell me
What you think
Again
I am weak
A fool
Easily distracted
Tell me again
I missed my cue
I miss you
More than anything
I can imagine
And my imagination
Is quite large
Let me be recast
As the actor
In your play
I am begging
For one last chance

Forgot about

They put me in a can
Tightened the lid
Locked it up
Turned out the light
On the electric grid
Showing them who
Is in which cell
In this concrete and iron
Gray hell
I've searched the cage
There is no escape
Rattled the bars
Screamed for the jailer
I'm stuck inside
Maybe forever
Maybe until
The earth dies
Who am I kidding
They won't leave me behind
Any more than they
Already did
Oh no
This isn't the time
To learn
They've forgotten me
I am not on anyone's mind
God forbid
Oh sweet Jesus
God forbid

Sorrow's Song

When I found out
That you were not
Who you said you were
I said just end it
You had pretended
That we were together
But that was a lie
That was a lie
My sorrow began
When your love ended
My tortured life
I began my descent
And my heart
Could not be mended
When you went away
Continued alone
I could never
Transcend this
This sorrow
This path
I am left
To walk
This path
Is beyond me
My soul
Rendered
By the blade
Of sorrow
And you
Keep walking
I gave my heart
Away
And I was betrayed
Forever and a day
Farewell
My heart
Farewell

The Disease of Me

Like an abcess
Never removed
After a lifetime
I am purely
Unredeemed
Alive but death
Everyone left
They ran from me
Spat upon my face
Died early
Failed the test
Just to escape
Leaving me
Heart broken with a
Ripped open chest
Hated me
Unbalanced
Unable to even be
Worth a moment
Of your day
They threw me away
Gave me back
Wished I was dead
Threw me in the trash
An abortion that lived
A day in the life of
A being who survived
But was never forgiven
For the crime of being
Alive

A Prayer

I heard the voice
Through my being it poured
Of the architect of ever
The creator of all
The maker of the entire universe
My heart began to roar
As he called my name
He heard my call
He broke every curse
As I walked through the open door
That he laid there for me
To enter communion
With him
Despite my ugly sins
Despite my dark soul
Despite my hateful being
He has protected me
From every manner of harm
And now
He asked me to come within
His forgiving
His loving
His merciful
Arms

In a Cage, In the Asylum

Whatever I did

Whatever I gave

I have nothing more to say

I have nothing more to give

I have nothing I can do

And as of now

I don't even want to live

Everything I have done

Can be cast away

It didn't matter anyway

My love is broken

My sorrow will now be

Unspoken

My life will be poured out

Without my mouth opened

Not one word

About my broken heart

And my soul
Leaking doubt

Just lock me up 

In the cage

Throw away

The key

It doesn't matter

What you say

I will never

Be free

Ever ahead

Consumed
By this pain
It costs me
Everything I am
To stay
I want to run
Far far away
Sometimes I want to say
Fuck the future
All there is, is now
But then
I see all those past generations
Who themselves
Said the same
And now the present
Is fucked
For the foreseeable
Ever ahead
Anything I do
Will not interrupt
The motions of time
Set forward
All I do
Will only be
A ripple
On the surface
Of the pond
Into the whirlpool
I will be sucked
And entombed
This body will be
Exhumed
To see if the cause
Of death
Was a curse
But it is not
The decay begins
The moment of birth
The flesh begins to turn
Corrupt
From our first moments
From the womb
But I go on
Despite the present

A word about Valentine's Day from a master

Hidden Glory

He kept her in his keep

Deep behind thick walls

Holding her from others

So as to make her his own

In the evenings together they'd sleep

During days alone she'd suffer

Lonely for company, she was alone

He couldn't bear the thought

Of sharing her 

For the potential of her leaving

But it was due to his fear that it was this way

His mind created misery nightmares it wrought

For she was in love with him

Just as much as he treasured her

Together their souls were weaving 

And she wanted to be his

Together tie a ceremonial knot

He was so shy in demeanor

Not trusting of others

So fearful of fate

He barely spoke for fear of revealing

His plans to keep her

With him forever

Out of reach of another

This dance went on

Until they were old

And all others could think

Was how odd a pair

Apparitions

My love died through attrition
When you were here, you didn't notice me
When I was gone, you said you missed me
When I speak, you never listen
And when you yelled (at me), never stopped
(screaming)
So why do I miss you at all
Have I performed the proper excision
Of my rights, of my property?
Do I belong to the correct religion?
Am I not what you demanded
Do I need to beg to be forgiven
For some crime I've committed
Without knowledge?
I cannot do what I do not know
I cannot be what I am not aware
Exists
So excise me
From your lists
Of conquests
I don't belong there

Dance, Dance

Take my hand, and walk with me
Join me upon the ballroom floor
The music is subdued but rhythmic
And soon you'll be wishing for more

We are the recently dead
We are the newly lost
Your lifetime is now at an end
But dance, dance, there is no cost
The band is playing for free
While our bodies decay in pine box
We are the bones of our memory
We are the flesh of our past
We the lingering doubts
That kept us from victory
We are the echoes of joy
We are the last remnants of pain
Dance, now dance
The macabre dance of fate

Hubris and Opulence

Plague of sorrows

Torn by misery

Legacy of torment

No tomorrows

Tears burn bitterly

Forlorn is our lament

Atlantis our home

Sink beneath the surface

Take your people with you

The waves are rising

The rains keep falling

Society's destruction

Unsurprising

The peak of greatness
Reached
The fall from the heights

Gods we beseech
Atlantis falling

In a day
Generations fed deceit 
Greatness a word
Not a deed

Our rise was hubris

Every day gilded 

Our fall is preordained

By our uprising conceit

Never again such grandeur

Our prestige 

Such opulence

A lie

The heights we've climbed

Forgotten

Now civilization must die

"Now in this island of Atlantis there was a great and wonderful empire which had rule over the whole island and several others, and over parts of the continent and, furthermore, the men of Atlantis had subjected the parts of Libya within the columns of Heracles as far as Egypt, and of Europe as far as Tyrrhenia.This vast power, gathered into one, endeavored to subdue at a blow our country and yours and the whole of the region within the straits, and then, Solon, your country shone forth, in the excellence of her virtue and strength, among all mankind."  PLATO

Above all, I am

Tomorrow comes and goes
And I haven't moved at all
My heart waits for you
Seeming to believe that it knows
That you will return
To come for me
Taking my hand, walking away
From this life
Finally, triumphantly
Maybe with a bouquet of roses

Some take my shyness
That is, my silence
In the face of the sorrow
As acquiescence
But it isn't at all
I am neither confused
Nor accepting
Simply calculating
The cost of opening
Up

Broken yes, even crushed
But the wait is not the cause
Unfulfilled dreams
Desires unmet
Prayers unanswered
Loves lost and love that has died
Years of focusing upon my flaws
No one knows how deserving
I am, above all
Of being crushed and cast aside

Resist

They have no faith
Except for their petty gods
Who dance upon the stage
Entertaining them
With their stylistic ignorance
Fashionable nihilistic ways
Begging as they do
Azrael's kiss
They adopt mourning songs
As their anthems
They surrender to fear
As they dive into the abyss
With no integrity
Without shame
I see that chasm
It is vast and growing
I have never given in
I have never given up
To the despair of this age
That forms shackles
About our wrists and ankles
And cynicism in our hearts
I refuse to bow before
Some heartless demon's orgasm
Random failures
Catastrophic defeats
None of these define me
Nor will they call my name
Because I will not bow
Before their fetid desires
Every thing they've done
Every act of rage
Aimed at me
Has been entirely in vain
Every act of my being
Is in rebellion to the way
That entropy and cynicism
Have stolen the day
I resist

Every time

Every time you stare into my eyes
I can feel
As it goes straight through
Don't you realize that that burns my soul

I never meant to lie
Really
I just didn't know the truth
I've never been whole
So I can't bear your sins
I'd like to
But
I can't bear your burdens
because I can't even mine

Sometimes I look into the sky
Dark clouds making me smile
Because
I keep hoping for lightning
To strike me dead
So I'll know what it's like
To not be so paralyzed
With fear that someone
Can get near
Inside

When you look at me I turn invisible
When you talk I become deaf
When you walk away I abhor who I am
So then I turn around
Catch my breath
Run from this world, run from my life
Still hoping
That the lightning will strike
Then I will be free
From this sin of being me

Time Never Ends

If you live as if life has no ending
You risk losing what you have
And all that you desire
But you will live
If you, like miser, hold it all
Tightly to your chest
You can keep it
Forever with you
In your grave
Forever
Cold
Alone
With nothing to else
That can comfort you
The rest of your journey
The despair of a lifetime
Will linger
Memories like echoes
Through the years
Time moves on
Without your permission
Aging happens
And the seasons flow
We have no control
Over any of life's inertia
We can neither stop it
Nor slow it down
We cannot cheat death
Nor avoid it
We only have hope
Somehow
To find a way
To move our soul
From this world
To the next
Somehow
To translate
Life in physical form
To something different

ghost I'd become

Hard to believe how much I've lost
From simply not being aware
Of the ghost I'd become
Invisible to everyone
Apparently, especially you
When you were done, there was no reason
You didn't need my time
You could use but found other money
It wasn't treason
I was just a fool to be so blind
You didn't have the kindness
No you were too cold inside
And I was just a body to use
There was nothing alive
In our love
Face the truth
We had nothing
I am unwilling to live again
If I had to ever meet you
Or see you
Again
No, never
I will never mend

How much hell

When I could I didn't bother
And now I am frozen
In the day
In the cost
In younger days I could laugh it off
I thought the future held good things
But I was lost
I watched as
Over time
The future held nothing
How much hell is there
In one lost heart
How much pain can I suffer
How much can I lose
Before I have lost it all
How can I tell?
What is there to choose
I can't begin to try
To stop the fall
From heaven into hell

Grieved

I grieved for us
But then you said to forget
That we ever kissed
To forget
That we ever lived
In an embrace
As one
That I ever dreamed
You'd be with me
Forever after
And all the days to come

Memories of you remain

Mother
Tenho saudades tuas
I miss you so deeply
A day doesn't pass
Without a tear
I cannot think
Or speak
Without wondering
If you are near enough
To hear me
I always knew when you left
I'd forever miss you
Mon absence était d'un cœur silencieux
And now you are gone
I no longer wish to go on
I will never hear you laugh
Or eat your food
Or watch your movies
There just isn't anything left
That can comfort me
Or fill the void
That you filled
 

Madness

Dizzy from the abuse
I create my own madness
What's the use
I am lost
Ignored in an asylum
Where they offer freedom
From the demons in my mind
I've committed suicide inside
And there is nothing left
And I will be placed upon more meds
In the negative zone
And oblivion

Just Meat?

"In order to exist, man must rebel, but rebellion must respect the limits that it discovers in itself - limits where minds meet, and in meeting, begin to exist."  Albert Camus

Despite my efforts

To hide myself

Behind a shield of shyness

Of curiosity and quiet

In a world of violence

I called out in the darkness

I heard no answer

I screamed for help

Reply was silence

I walked

Further into the void

My life was escaping

My ability to exist

Didn't matter

There was no kindness

There was no meaning

I didn't matter

Life was absurd

Insane

No use in believing

In anything

If all my labors

Are lost

In the haze and fog

Of the existence

My resistance 

To the hands of fate

To destiny's clutch

Only bred hate

In my hurting heart

Until I stopped to think

There was just this one thing 

If life was absurd

Without meaning

And I longed for meaning

It means I was born

Desiring 

Something greater

And I wonder

How that can be

If I was born

And will die

A pile of meat

Ecclesiastes 3:16  "Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness."

the room

They said when I told them
Exactly what they wanted
They'd let me leave
So I told them whatever they said to say
And now I am haunted
Because they won't let me be free
So what do I care
Do you dare doubt?
I didn't like to dream
Nor sleep
Nor do anything
But answer them in full
About things I know nothing about

The Gods of Sleep are Selfish

Far away in the dream lands
I have a lover who loves my soul
But I am only able to see her
When I dream
And I am alone in my world
Until I am able to sleep
Falling asleep is difficult 
I struggle and I suffer
Sleep is not so easy, for me
Some are blessed to close their eyes
Enter the dreams as if it is innate
Others do not have to do even that
Dream enters their waking state
The hours of sleep
That we treasure and cherish
Are not naturally occurring for all

Some of us have to beseech Hypnos
Or beg Thanatos
Entice Morpheus to enter our mind
And dream
Let them take away whatever we offer
In exchange for our sanity
We receive the depth of thought
That makes us see
The future perfectly clearly
The past in exquisite detail
And the gods of that domain
Are capricious in their whims
Nothing I do or say
Changes their minds
And I linger in the inbetween
Waiting to be allowed in
But in this world
Where time is real
We only have so much time

Falling

Like the touch of small hands
Angels crying
And then the rumble
Of a powerful thunder
So kind to remind me
That I am very small
And the world is truly
Very
Very large

Where Love Blooms

I know she was a messenger sent
From a different world
One more innocent
Yet she leaves me confused
Was I thinking or was I asleep
I don't know if I was awake
Or if that moment had been dreamt
But I do know that she'd been here
Just moments before I caught her scent
Upon the air in the room
Her beauty fills my mind
Arouses my soul
Creates fire
In my being
No, not lust
But pure desire
When I think of her
I can not help but be moved
From my heart
To the depths of my bones
She lingers in the love
How it flows around
The love she has planted
The way it has grown
From the seeds
In the ground
Where love blooms
And glories

Not your first choice, nor your last

I know I am not your first choice
I know I won't be your last
And it doesn't hurt to know
You aren't moved by my voice
Calling to you
Even though I know
Its not your problem
It burns inside me
With no relent

Giving up, forever

Let's end it
Even if it hurts
I can't go on
I surrender
I never wanted
To have it go on
If I am alone here
Because solitary confinement
Forever and ever
Is torture
Just to have something
Just to have it
Isn't worth it
If you don't want me
Then we're planting
Some kind of bitter seeds
Always taking
Never giving
Always hurting
Always bleeding
If you don't want
My heart
Then give it back
And take my apology
Give your love
To someone in need
Let's just end
This cliched charade
Instead of acting
In some magnificent
Opulent faux betrayal
Some false masquerade
Meant as a final portrayal
Of love for the ages
When we forgot
Long ago
What love is supposed
To be

((This poem is not autobiographical.  I am rather frustrated to have to say that, as it removes some of the power of the words I've written, but when I write sad love poems or lost love poems if you will, I get emails from people hoping I am alright and not suicidal and asking what happened.  I use observation, personal reflection, life experiences, poetic license, and many other methods for writing and capturing emotions, this poem is informed by many things, some personal, some not.  I love my wife, so don't worry.))

Prisoner

In a prison of love

I fall down and beg forgiveness

I am redeemed by words you have said

There is a chance I might relapse

From this addiction to your presence

And the sentence is life

My dreams here are red 

 My nightmares are empty

The nothingness of black

Prison guards are dispatched

My defenses are attacked

I can't relinquish my hold

There is nothing more I need

Nor want

You are the sum total

Of everything I could ever ask for

I confess

You cannot entrap me, I admit everything 

You cannot imprison me, I long to be here

My body will collapse

But my will shall carry on

And nothing will change

Because I am a prisoner

One who does not wish

To be freed

And though others do not understand

You are all I need

All I want

Your kiss

Your lips

Nothing more 

Nothing less

Ecstasy beckons

In reality

Not by some wish

Aware

I am aware
Far too aware
My love is not enough
For someone like you
My body screams
While you sleep
I hear you in dream
But I am living a nightmare
Far from you
There is no truth to knowing
That you could only feel
Towards me
Pity
Where I am afire for you
And you don't
And can't possibly care

Supreme purpose

I can't let the sun rise
Nor the day end
Without a thought
Counting my fortune
Only truth, no lies
A message sent
And let it be wrought
Created, born
We should live to love one another
We should live for the day
Supreme purpose
No need to escape
Reality will be perfect
Without regret
Nothing but love
For everyone

Worked

I tried every way to make it work
But you just kept saying no way
I wanted it to be worth having
But you wanted something else
I asked nothing in return
And you acted as if I should feel shame
While you were laughing
Madness queen of the realm
I surrender
This love can't be any more worked

Wounds too grievous

I regret that I am finished
Je suis fini
I cannot bear the pain
Any longer
My hope deflated
I am desolation
Completely diminished
Removed from the living
I take my place
In full fetal hold
In the Womb
Of death
Holding me tightly
Despite being forgiven
I am now in a self sealed tomb
Of my own making
Je suis l'esprit de la désolation abjecte

No, No More

My life is not yours for dissection
Nor are you to treat me
Like some vile infection
I live and breathe
Having feelings
Inside my chest
Beats a heart
In my skull
Rests a brain
That thinks and knows
What I do is live
Just as you
So the pain you cause
The insults you give
Are not welcome
Any more than you'd suffer
Willingly
I walked
One thousand miles
My spirit flew
One million times
And you were
The sole recipient
Of my trust
I am spent
Done
Refusing to go on
For your pleasure