One to Love

No victories won
Yet I am near the end
Tortured and tired
Exhausted, staggering
Staring off into the sun

Normally so bright
It blinds
But my eyes
Protected by the clouds
Staring into the distance

Knowing who I am doesn't help
Some see my outside flesh
And they assume
Think I've got it easy
They don't know
I've been alone for my journey
Alone in crowds

So many people near
I've been blind
But I have seen
While I hear no sound
With my ears
Still hear it all so clearly
The screams are silent
Instead of loud
But
The only thing I need
Ever needed, is you

Where are you now
Where were you then
I need you near
But I've lost my way
Without your hand in mine
The path so hard to follow
All I want is to be yours
And you to me in kind

But I am alone still
With just a shadow remaining of me
Inside

Breath, Sex, Battle, Flesh, Death

In this ancient place
The arena is for all to enter
How one survives depends
Upon the role they play
Upon the stage

Warriors and war prisoners fight
Unequal battles
Before the crowds
Who cheer the slaughter
Satisfied with the blood
The victors need no laurels
These enemies were unarmed
With names no one will remember
And bodies cast out
As feed for the wild beasts
Any remnants of life dismembered

The slaves and eunuchs
Maneuvering their masters
Through their wit and wiles 
To be the ones in actual power
By acting subservient
And with manipulation
They show that they are clever
They rule in the shadows of daylight
And in the corridors of quiet
In the night

In the harem chambers
Wives, and consorts 
Privately speak, and bathe
Before the Caliph returns
Before they must bow before him
To reveal themselves and
To welcome his entreaties
To satiate his lust in many turns
One by one they enter his chamber
And he is moved less and less
And does not remember even their names
With his passions emptied

The world they all live in
Is brutal and unforgiving
Each makes a sacrifice
Inside their rooms
Chambers, barracks
And cages to endure
To keep on living
Until freedom comes
Perhaps tomorrow
If not the next day
We'd like to think we are different
But we also do this
In modernity
Every single day
Making our offerings
Fighting our battles
Trying to endure our servitude
However we can

Lost

Some are moved by miracles

Others by great events

But I am moved by one
Who stirs my soul inside

She is my paradise

And I cry
For I have seen her 

It does not make me glad

And I have wept

To know that I am far away

I am desolate 

I have seen forever in her eyes

I get lost there sometimes

I gaze into the depths

I see the children we never had

The future hopes become misery

When forbidden by the past

But I know that she is glorious

She is more beautiful

Than anything or anyone

I've ever known

Je suis devenu désolé

Makes me pine 

For the privilege of being

By her side

Alone there

In forever's tides

The Last Knight

Who am I to ask

What the sacrifice is for

When there is

Evidence of our decadence

The prelude to the fall

Resist the insistence

That we answer to a call

Despite the message 

Or from whom it is carried

Despite the bodies 

Already buried

Our swords we keep 

For we trust in the steel

So sharp, so cold 

Our tongues bleeding savage wit

As if we are allowed to choose

Shattered dreams of younger men

Shattered bodies of the old

Are the final remains of this

War of the confused

Am I going to rise above

Or do I wallow in discharge

Do I bring honor to him

Or shall I lay alone

Upon the river of fire's

Charnel house barge

Shall I offer my flesh

Fetid and foul

Or perhaps you desire

My final breath

Then take me now, take me

So that I can prevent the rape

First of my faith

Then of my flesh

By the wars of empires, whores and liars

Let me first burn upon your holy pyre

Fade

Sorrow haunts me
Fading desire
To survive
Now too weak

And nearly gone

Grieving

Laying in bed 

Feel like dying

Wanting the unconscious

But I can't force my self

I am not that strong

Still screaming inside

Conscience still bleeding

Rolling over and over

In mental agony

Not sleeping

Again

Another night lost

Overactive mind

Losing everything

My tears have long since dried
I can't stop thinking

My memory fades

Except for what you said

I lose when I try to face

That reality

I fade away

Wish I could forget it all

You said goodbye

And then you left

You said you don't love me

Any longer

There are no words

For the hurt I am feeling

Other than abject regret

Far too much to remember

You left me blind and deaf

Still no dreams on the way

My eyes open wide

Staring at the ceiling

Alone

Fading

Fast

Nightmare 30s

They were called the Dirty Thirties
In middle America
The Black Blizzard could not be foreseen
But disaster are often hidden
In the memories of time
And the hopes of future days
Nightmare wrung from the dream
Of living upon the land
And by labors make it flourish

Where once the land was fair

And golden grains grew white 

From the flower

For a century of

Unending labor

Breadbaskets became full

Under the sun

Happiness for the harvest

Turned to abject despair

Under growing sweat 

The earth was broken

With no rain

The sun cooked the ground

Forlorn prayers

Unheard and unanswered

 Despite the merit 

Of the bowed bodies

Facing down

The darkness at midday 

A catastrophic wind

The naked land

Exposed to the sins

Of exceeding the harvest

Ripped by the plowshare

Broken and bleeding

The land did not renew

And people fled

Of a season of death

In the devil's lair

Of Dust Bowl America

She Moves Like A Black Cat

Nothing less than an enigma
Comme un chat noir dans les ombres
She is a black cat
Dancing in shadow
Graceful beyond description
So lovely to behold
I feel her in me
In the depths of my being
My visceral response
To her motion
Her form fits the shadows
Perfectly
Every motion every inch of her
Exquisitely
Poured out artfully
Beauty and grace together
But for me
Nearly impossible to watch
For something rises in me
That I cannot respond to
Without revealing
All that I am
And all that I long for
And all that I will ever be
Comme un chat noir dans les ombres

What is love?

Some measure worth as being great

But how we measure greatness is folly

Greatness

What is it

To kill men and conquer 

Or do things before others

That grant them laud

Or is it to love another greatly

As the most beautiful thing

And what is love

Is it the union of Ares and Aphrodite

Or the love of the common people not gods

The demi gods of history loved 

Hephaestion and Alexander 

as Achilles and Patroclus

Warriors and lovers in life

Yet in modernity we deny thus

We suggest that they were just great friends

Love never ends

Love is a fire

And when it stops burning

We are dead

Greatness is love

Loving another

Whoever

However

We meet

I burn for my Elizabeth

None others are so beautiful

My life is my love

And I am blessed

Father Ares

We worship Mars
The God of all War
With every dead youth
With civilian deaths
Children and mothers
Elderly, the uninvolved
We worship Mars
With every life offered up
His greatest pleasure
Death of the innocent
In the path of Victory

26

Although I walked freely
I was not
I spent my life
Nearly 25 years
In prison
I was going 500 miles per hour
In reverse
Into the wall and window
Banged my head against the glass
Shattered memories showered
Covering me in pain perverse
Bleeding everywhere
Blamed for more than my share
Because a child is blameless
I began to cower
In the corner
Born under a curse
Fearing to speak
My being shriveled
Under the glare
Of perfection seekers
And judges
You reached out your hand
Broke my bonds of failure
Allowed me to be a man
Taught me how to love
Became a sort of savior
Restoring life
To someone dead
And I still
Can't understand
Why
But I am not giving it back
That which you gave me
Is all I have
All I want
Still

Red Sky Falling

We thought ourselves gods
But we were not
We were sheep to be led
To the slaughter
I watched as they made it known
We were to be fattened
And bred
For more to be made
To satiate our hunger
A soulless generation
We craved
We desired

Luxurious opulence
Our hearts were blackened
Deceived lives without passions
For our cravings
We were led away
To the slaughter house
Led away from the path
We desired
Lusted and hungered
Pious in our cravings
We desire only more


So far from home
I watched as plans were made
To have us breed
To create life
For our pleasure
To use their bodies
Taking their life
To replace worn flesh of our own
Directly from womb
To the slaughter house
To harvest again

Callously
We enter the tomb
And maudlin cry
For the child we have slain
To sait our flesh
We were led away
From the truth
And our bodies soon
Flensed and shaved from the bone




Removed too, our heart and brains
Because they made it known
It was not our hearts they wished
But our soul
Warned yet ignorant

Given truth but refuse to believe
Stepping upon the words
We are surely harvested
Until not one remained
The Red Sky Falling
Wie Schafe zur Schlachtbank geführt
Wie Schafe zur Schlachtbank geführt
Like lambs to the slaughter
Willingly
Because we desired
Unendingly
We became our fate
We desired and we grew fat
From the hunger insatiable
The Red Sky Falling
Upon us

My Love, My Black Swan

(a metaphor that no one will translate, yet it is truth, for me)

Whereupon I was yours
I longed for you once
But no longer
I grieved for your loss
But you are not gone
You simply refuse to be
I sorrowed my being
My lack of your presence
But you are a black swan
Fated to pass
And haunt me now
Like paint free canvas
Like a ghost who longs for my madness
You exist but only in memory
And I cannot exist without you
Oh can't you see
Hope offers but never provides
The beat of my heart
Becomes silent inside
For you were my love
Everlasting and good
And now you are gone
Though next to me
I shiver in pain
From the memory of once
Lost for the long
Of time
I was yours
Neverending my love
I offered it full
And you left it emptied

Quest Unending

I am flawed like a mirror cracked
I am broken like a bone snapped
Dust settles as I begin to sleep
I must rest now, after all
The pain is deep
When I rise I know
It is before the throne I remain
I bow before the one who made me
Knowing that I am not done
Duty inside my heart
Unending
From when my being was begun
Born in fire of pain
Burned by life, turned to ash
Rejected by the mother's flesh
Born alone screaming
The One held me there
Giving me a task
I am a warrior who has fought
I am a poet who has spoken
I'm a sword in iron wrought
Spirit rises but
My body's broken
I am not done
No, I am not done
Creator and maker
Architect of all things
You are my way
The task you set before me
My legacy and faith
Anthems to sing
But I am not done, no
I am still fighting
And my way is known
And when you are done
With my life
It will be clear
My flesh betraying me
My world disappears
I am not done
Amen

Ghost Walker

Chasing a ghost who walked in my heart
She never left but is more silent
And now her footsteps can't betray
Where is she now
So quiet inside
Memories of the day
Can't help me now
Her shattered mind
Taking her away
I miss her so
She'll never be here again
And I am left with a pious
Fear
That I'll never see her
Ever again
So I chase my memories
Of that ghost
Inside my cavernous mind

Those Dreams that Never Last

Closed eyes

Trying to dream of paradise
But tossing/turning
In bed awake
The dreams pass
The moment I open my eyes
Dreams escape memory
Dreams never are
Like love
I never wanted everything
Just enough
Never got that but that's OK
If at least I had hope in you
But you never gave me that
I want more than dreams
That never ever come true
I collapse when I know
You are a dream that never was
A dream that will never last
We never had our dance
We never had that chance
So I linger in the dream land
Waiting for you there
And I wait to say
I think you are
Perfect, kind and loving
But you never appear

The Murder Awaits

We cannot help but be transformed
Amidst cries of the newborns
And the moans
Of a final breath
Taken
Entropy screams
The cycle renews
Crying and tears
Harken the birth
And they also
Accompany the dead
Along their journey
Again and again
The world revolves
Renews
Dies
Continues
The murder dances upon the shore
Arguing over what will be lost
When that storm arrives
And who will bear that cost
The cycle continues
Memories fade
We die but
Our seed grows
And the world revolves
Renews
And the crows dance

(Photo Credit)

Forsaken Memories Haunting Me

Falling further from
The unknown consequence
Of the failing hours
My conscience is a fortress
My memory towers
Above the wasteland
Echoes of my collapse
Of forbidden love
My conscious act
To give up the one
Thing that I held dear
Escape the womb and run
My legacies linger inside
Holding me in
Holding me back
Offered up as a sacrifice
The end is now begun

Perseverance

The light that gives you hope to persevere

Not a saint nor a hero

Not a knight, with land

Just a foot soldier for the king

I speak of this to remember

Because others will forget

In the 8th year of the 2nd age

I was exhausted and nearly dead

From the battles I had fought

For the kingdom and for kin

I'd laid down my body

I asked for rest

And received

Nothing

I labored still trying

To pay the cost

When in the midst of it all

She appeared

From the depth of the darkness

Just in time

Surrounding me

A light flying across my path

That nearly left me blind

I might have expected to die

I might have expected no mercy

But what I found was grace

Gentle as rain

And sweet love

That renewed me inside

And as quickly as it appeared

The light was gone again

But I knew it existed

Enough to persevere

The Past Doesn't Forgive, But I Do

Yes it hurts
But
Whatever there is
Please remember, my love
That the so-called past
Forgives
No one
Forgives nothing
Forgets no one
Because it is gone
Doesn't exist
Once it happens
It is done
And gone forever
Consequences be damned
The past doesn't exist
There is only now
And tomorrow to plan
Don't let our past torture us
When the moment is here
Days before us beckon
With promise and love
The past is a memory
We can forget
If we try
If we kiss
If we try to exist
Together
Into the ever
Into the mists
Of forever

Public domain photo taken by Simon Greyling

Well of Sorrow, Chalice of Tears

No one has ever longed to
Sip from the chalice
Of tears
Drawn from the well
Of sorrow
Poured into the mouth
Without fear
Yet my very own actions
Left me hollowed
Long before I could decide
I made that choice
Upon my birth I did so
It was bitter but I drained it
Dry
Allowed me no conceit 
The silence of birth was shattered
By my screams and that of my mother
She left me to scream for her touch
My life essence was pain
And only when the circle became complete
Did I ever feel the touch of another again

Elysium is Calling

I was raised in the east a farmer's child
I was young and strong and full of fire
I had fought in the wars of the Empire
Under the Roman Eagle I had marched
I was a veteran who had won his time
To be older, and live with his family
My life was settled upon an answer
Given a meaning, labor in the sun
Draw life from the earth, eat from the harvest
And never would my dreams perish
For there was only my life
Living now, rather than the here and after
The meaning from the land
The cycles of the season have their rhythm
You plant, you toil, they grow
They cannot grow any faster
You watch as your children become adults
There is no mystery
There is no wonder
There is nothing to be curious about
Life was glorious and happy
But also hard
My wife died of cancer
I lingered in the loneliness
Of knowing
That Elysium was waiting
But was it waiting for me
The mystery
For me
Was calling
Because there was no longer
A reason to be

Begging Please

On my knees
Begging
Stop teasing me please
I've given everything
And you
Took
Every
Offering
As if you were some God
Sacrificing my joy
For your pleasure
As if it were
Your treasure
I have been wounded
Sorely torn
In two
Into pieces
My hope muted
Bleeding
Ruined
Confused
I long only to sleep
But you keep offering more
And there is nothing there
For me

Torment twisting

The long road to insanity begins
When my dream becomes a nightmare
When my scream becomes silence
The voice in me dies
Darkness wins
And tragedy triumphs






















 

Upon an altar of unevened stone
I am laid down to be a sacrifice
When my life twists in agony
When my sleep turns to screams
I am undone by the fears
I am destroyed by the mania
I am alone
In corrupted memories
























Laid upon my exposed chest
A demon feasts upon my viscera
Ripping as he goes
Deeper
Deeper
Alone I fall deeper
Into a place of misery
Beyond the reach of help
I dance upon the borders
Of Hell

Our Master, Entropy

Entropy is our master

And ever to our folly

We contribute to its reign

Over us, over all humanity

Existence upon earth could never last

Principalities fall, chaos becomes us all

From the highest place to utter shame

We've fallen

At the end of our time 

When we have shed our flesh

Have given up all pretense to immortality

A grave wind shall blow through the land 

Unleashing bold storms with death

Our breath become an angry blast

And there will fall a rain

It shall fall, toxic, endless

When a doorway would appear

Answering every fear and banality

With hordes of demons flying

Dragons with steel wings

Radioactive breath and violent stings

Like clouds of locusts diving down

The end will come

The end of our day is done

We've only to ask for it to be

We've blotted out the sun

Ignored the one

Who could save us

Forgiven

Some people
Due to pride
Refuse to be
Forgiven
No matter the toll
No matter the time
The cost is inside
The wounds unhealed
I cannot hold a grudge
No matter the crime
I do not hold it against him
This is not a judgment
I am not holding trial
I am not a judge
I am not willing to be
Forever hostile
I can be hurt
I can be offended
But given time
I can heal
And move on
I spew no bile
I offer no wicked guile
I am only human
Licking my wounds
Moving forward
After having rested awhile
I will be ok
Forgiving him

Extending an olive branch if they'll take it.

A cancer inside reminds me

I barely escaped alive
And now I see I was wrong
To give my heart to you
Something in me died when you went away
I endured, I survived, but it is still there
A cancer inside, a tumor in my mind
Missing you, it isn't fair
You said you loved me
Then left
You said you'd be there
Then you were gone
I said I loved you
You laughed
You win, I know you've won
You never think of me
But you are always in my dreams
You never speak of me
When I can't even think
Without wondering where you are
It isn't fair
Because I want to die
And you've gone on
I just twist in pain
Au revoir
Farewell again
Goodbye

This World Dies

The world beneath our feet
Eventually dies
Facing forever
The confusion of eternus
The terminus point of time
Take my hand
I beg you to join me
We will get there
If we stand together
Reaching the promised land
I no longer need to dream
Knowing, I understand
Dreams aren't solely from sleep
Never give up the hope
That keeps you alive
There is nothing that can thrive
In the depths of my delirium
Except the hope
That keeps me breathing
Join me in eternity
Pure serenity
The end of time
Fields of grain
Endless
Ripe
Waiting for the harvest
By the master's hand

RISING AFTER FALLING

Rising
When all hope is falling
Standing, when you'd rather pass out
When the sounds are screaming
Your inner voices full of doubt
You might rather it's eternity calling
When you can't sleep for the dreaming

Rise, then
It is all you can do
Unless you are a slave
Or choose
Fading memories
And their false machinations
Against your fate

Rise
There is only resistance
In the face of the enemy
If your aim is true
To give in is a catastrophe

Rising, after falling
Even when the world is pushing you down

Rising again, even knowing that the pain is coming again
Even with your fear showing, it is your destiny
And no one can take it away

Rise
I am telling you rise, there is no choice
Rise
For the world needs to see
Someone who believes in something
Not giving up
Not living in misery

White Redemption

The trees were leafless
The winter had been long
I walked through the valley
The snow was deep, undisturbed
My path was new, my own
The wind harsh, sang its own song
I was just passing through
My footprints left behind
A memory of my path
Telling its own truths
My purpose was unrevealed
The singular way
Of the most unrighteous
Breaking the virgin crust of fallen snow
With dirty boots
Overhead a raven flew watching my progress
Above me it soared
As I walked through the white
Feeling my hopes falling
As I became exhausted
The way was my own
Never tread before
I was a sinful man
Alone
Upon the land, so cold and isolated
Walking where others had not ever walked,
Or even ever been
This frozen place was home
I could find my self but could I be redeemed
Could I find forgiveness in this land without a stain
My steps forever tarnished the ground
My path was found while the burning footsteps remained

Across Lavender Fields

Walk with me a while
Hold my hand as we
Cross the fields of lavender
Smile at me
Let me see you happy
I am redeemed with you
Again
Time stop now
Let this moment never end
But it won't
It marches forward
Relentlessly
No matter what we do
Time flees
And in the winds
Blow my years
Away
Into the wind our days are tossed
Every day more blows away
Our youth is a wine
Spilled the vintage lost
So hold my hand now
We may never get another chance
To dance together
In the fields of lavender
So beautiful and serene
Be with me
Forever
Be with me

Unwanted

Worse than accident
Not a mistake
Rather a crime
The purpose of love lost
In the screams of one's lust
Brutal power decided
The seed planted in anger
And never again could she trust
Because now she bore the cost
9 months of waiting
For the harvest of that crime
Ignored when it came out
And it grew in time
A bitter reaping
Of a horrible sowing
And a child born without love
Without knowing
Just innocent
Now sleeping
Never crying
Never dreaming
Waiting for the day
That he'd be wanted

Photo Source

No More Fear

No more fear
The hour is here
The breakout is begun
After a lifetime battle
Between darkness and light
My life has been
An endless trail
Sleeping with eyes open
Living without life
Screaming with my lips shut tight
The nightmare of waking
The forbidden hoping
I ran with legs that would not move
Alone in the fight
Because of the fear
I barely existed
So afraid to live
So afraid to fall
I've been commanded
To fear not
So to live I must go on
If I love I must live
I exist so I must forgive
And learn to fear not
Let me be free from the fear
Let me be redeemed
Of an unliving life
Give me strength
For the road ahead

Never Grieve the Flesh

I longed to hold her hand again
To tell her what she meant to me
But an angel interceded
And said
Never grieve the flesh that has passed
Grieve the love that was lost
Grieve the knowledge found
Grieve the memories cast aside
But not the flesh
For it will never last
Only the spirit is free
Only the spirit is eternal
And it will never die
Grieve a little
Even cry
But the spirit is free
And now it will fly
The flesh is a moment
The spirit is forever
So take my hand and try
To never grieve again




















Photo Source

Adams Memorial
modeled 1886-1891, cast 1969
Augustus Saint-Gaudens
Born: Dublin, Ireland 1848
Died: Cornish, New Hampshire 1907
Roman Bronze Works (Founder)
bronze
69 7/8 x 39 7/8 x 44 1/2 in. (177.4 x 101.4 x 112.9 cm.)
Smithsonian American Art Museum
Museum purchase
1970.11
Smithsonian American Art Museum

The Elves Dance

They dance
Beneath the ceiling of the sky and the rising stars
When the sun falls from the horizon
In the lands of the high King
In the between the world
Of man and faer
In the dusk and in the twilight
They dance

The high King calls on all
To be always joyful
But only the elves obey
And they dance
Celebrating life and lore
From the land of gray
Alive but entranced

They form a circle
A mist rises
No human eyes
Can understand what beauty they see
Before them
The elves know who they dance for
They know why they dance
They are filled with unbridled joy
For the King and all of his creation

Prophetic

Who I am is unimportant
I still have a voice
To speak
I have been made to seek
The truths that truly
Turn the planet
Instead of toxic poisons
That leave us frozen
In a coma
You cannot plan it
The truth strikes
When you are least prepared
Ready to avoid the choices
For it is the way
Of the one
Who called me
To walk
This journey
There is a truth that flows
I am broken
But through my being
Broken
I am made whole

I am begging you, my love

Exhaling
Never breathing
A crushing vacuum left by the air
Leaving lungs, leaving
My bones and mind reeling
From the abject pain
When you left, you left me emptied
Poor in almost everything
But rich in sorrow
I still believe
There is no question
No doubts
My heart only beats
My lungs only breathe
Not living, not quite dead
I only live
When you are in my life
Come back
I fall to my knees
And beg
My love
My love

My designs

Given over to my designs
My flesh leads me to places
That makes my soul cry
For to sup is good
To be a glutton is to sin
Give me my share
And nothing more
Or my soul
Becomes the whore
Slavish, and sluttish
My temptations and needs
Torn
I want
I need
I need need need need
Love
Nothing less
Nothing more

The Eternal Spring

Your footsteps disturb the silence
And I become aware of your presence
By all of my senses
The scent on the air
The electric pulse in my flesh
From the tug upon my heart
Your being tempting mine
Your soul to mine singing
I can taste your lips
From the last kiss we shared
In the depths of my soul's winter
You arouse in my soul eternal spring
And I long to be renewed
Again
And Again
And Again

Hoarfrost

Lungs burning from the cold
The deepest winter in the air
In an abandoned field
In the heart of nowhere
I glimpsed a scene
That defied the grip of despair

Photo Source Petr Kratochvil

Mount Zion

With my life's failures left aside
There is a place I am heading to
Mount Zion
My life has been one long journey
Up to the mountain's side
With hope for a better day
With a memory for the past sorrows
There is a place I seek
I have been climbing to my destination
Maybe I won't reach it tomorrow
But I still climb
I will reach the peak
At the end
And I must not relent
I tire, and slow down
But I will never stop
There is a place
I long to visit
Mount Zion