burning glance

Your glance was cutting
My flesh was bleeding
Deep inside I desired
Only you
Like a rose bush budding
I grew but
I stopped breathing
Therefore how burned this fire
I bid you adieu
Now I am nothing again
Now I see darkness that remains

Shitty Motel Room Rant

It all happened differently than I’d dreamed
But I never dared disagree, with all that seemed
Staring at the ceiling laying on a mattress in winter
My motel room is cheap and I shivered
Covered poorly with blanket of fear
For the words I heard from you lips tear away the years
What is there of living if there is nothing left
What is there of me if my heart has been cleft
Into two broken pieces and the tears pour down
What is there to seek if the object doesn’t exist
Except in memory in lingering misery
I begged your indulgence and got a foot in the face
I begged your forgiveness, blood was the taste
In my mouth
My dreams had all flown South, I drove all the way with all I had
Only to find that my car was dead, my dreams were fleeting
My faith was still strong but the object I was seeking was gone
Never existed maybe, gave me false hope of something all along
Fallen dreams never mend but they function the same anyway
Now I am weary without rest
But she wouldn’t know for to her I do not exist
She wouldn’t care for my dreams persist nonetheless

I am unable

How am I supposed to lead my son to wisdom
When I am flawed to my very core
How am I supposed to teach and live in peace
When the world wages war
Who is able to rise above
When this world is broken
Who is the one, who will reach out in love
With love so flowing
Because it isn’t me
I am emptied of everything
It isn’t me and won’t be me
Despite my love for him
We have a green and blue planet
Polluted to be grey
We have a wonderful place to live
That we’ve filled with hate
I want him to be different
Than me or anyone
But how can I teach him
When all I believe comes undone
There is no blame in me
I am not pointing fingers in rage
I am simply asking
Who knows the way
I don’t know the way
No one knows the way
He was born into a generation
Innocent of our crimes
But they were swimming
In the dangerous tides
In another generation’s moral debt
From the wages of our culture wars
And terroristic threats
Building and killing
Taking without giving
How can we lead anyone
When you or he
Can see how we are living

LA FIN DE L'AFFAIRE

This is not about my life, this is a metaphor for an event, and the passing consequences that followed. I am not the speaker, I am taking the voice of the speaker, it is fiction.

I met with loneliness
After the affair
When I realized
There was no one out there
And never would be
However it might be unfair
The love in my soul was harvested
Made to be my flaw
Turned against me
Relentlessly
By someone who said they cared
What is my life for
But to share in love
What is my heart to do
If not be true
But there are pigs at the trough
Who take more than their share
Over and over my heart was robbed
Because it was open
And unaware
That people like her existed
That people like her could say
They’d love me forever and leave
Because I could never compare
To those who she could meet
Every place everywhere
But now I see
Despite a thorn in my eye
I cannot see
Through your disguise
I will never be
The one you want
So thrown away
With my life you haunt
My every move betrayed

THE KING OF LIARS

My words are that of a King
The King of Liars
I am the King of a Kingdom
Filled with love and desire
To serve my people, here,
From my throne in this Asylum
They pad my throne in good trust but
They don’t let me write with pencils or pens here
So I use my bloody fingers upon the walls
They don’t give me paper due to the chance of cuts
But I bleed anyway
Then they wash my words away
With blast hoses used for fires
The straitjacket holds me as if I might fall
But the real straitjacket is inside
Where I am held aloft by tether wires
To make sure I do not drown
In their world I am paralyzed
And I scream without sounds
I see things that do not exist
I hear voices that surely insist
That the place I am here
Would be better off
With me deceased
And I cannot resist
The lure of the shallow grave
Once empty but now I am saved
By its welcoming comforts
By its solitary love instead of hate
By its empty bed
Welcomes me living and
Still I crave despite my survival
To be someplace else, instead
My arrival was unheralded
My passing will be unreported
For I solely long to be
A King of a Kingdom
Away from this happy place
This living wound
This Asylum

new poem: Thrust of Blame

They thrust
Blame upon me
I am shamed by their voice
But I never did what they say
I cannot escape their views
Or faulty memories
I can never be the same
Just a moment of trust would go nicely
To soothe the wounds they’ve opened
On me
A moment of trust so distant and lost
They won’t let me be, again
I am broken beyond repair
Blame upon me
Shame upon me
I could explain but it doesn’t matter
They’ve as much as framed me
They’ve judged me as being wrong
And it doesn’t matter a damn
Truth is trumped by anger
Over and over again.

Worship

Let me linger in your presence
Let me pour upon you love
Let me embrace your scent
Let me try to be worthy of
Your being,
So perfect, so magnificent and sweet
Let me be in your gaze
Let me fall at your feet
Sworn to your service,
Being always and ever amazed
Knowing that I was born
Exactly to be with you, so serene,
And to serve such a beautiful being
Make me see things I’ve never seen
I am so common, you are unique,
You share your essence
With all who desire
You are the comforter,
You are all that I seek
Let me be washed in your perfume
So that when apart you accompany me
I bow before your throne
Let me be yours endlessly.

The Massacre of Babi Yar

Click upon image for better detail of words and image.

Auschwitz 1945, Nazi terrors

Abandoned City

image and words copyright alex ness 2008

Above the carnage and pyres

(It might be a scientific fact that Ravens do not fly in darkness, but I was imagining when I wrote this a moment when the battle is done and all that remains are the Ravens aloft watching, and perhaps the moment is unusual, and the Ravens are so enraptured that they do not realize the darkness of night. So if it bothers you to think of them doing what they might not do, then think of it as fiction, which of course, it is.)

in the snow, in the twilight

Wolf Cub's First Winter

In the wood, the solemn place
Where the trees fallen don’t permit
Snowfall to get deep
The gentle moans of cub
Waking, from her sleep
Covered in a blanket
Of freshly fallen snow,
So cold, so pure,
Covers where she laid
She shakes her head
Sprays off the flakes
And hops across the floor
Of the forest white
And hunts for food
To celebrate the day.

Har Meggido

Please click the image, so the words can be read more easily. A mountain and pass, famous for ancient battles, gives its name to the end times, Armageddon.

Haiku: Sakura

Like a Lion

Some men enter battle
Knowing they'll not return
Some men are sheep being led
Some men are chattel
But in others battle burns
Perhaps living or dead
They'll return

Leather Apron

Even eyewitnesses are wrong
Stereotypes can fail to be true
Even if you believe them
Myths are often misunderstood lies
The way is long long gone
The police eventually knew
Even if Jews are in a den
And butchers covered in flies
Leather apron was not the ripper
But eyewitnesses believed he was
Many bodies laid dead
But he was not the cause

Towton Slaughter

The York longbows
Cast arrows after arrows
Plunging deep in the chest
Of the Lancasters
Slaughter without relent
The counting of the dead
An afterthought
The Lancasters of the Red
The Yorks of the White
Met at Towton
Though the Lancasters held the heights
A blizzard of snow
A mid Afternoon sun
The Red eyes became blind
And could not stand safely
Upon the ridge
They marched down
Where the Yorks stood
The day was March 29th
The year 1461
28,000 were to die
Snow turns red
The blinded Red
Entered defeat
Edward of the White
Henry of the Red
A White victory
Tactical collision
Crimson catastrophe
Axes and Longbows
Armor and shield
Soon the river nearby
Bled
With the currents
Carrying away
Melted snow
And lifeblood

Needleman

Yeah I know, you can knock me out with a feather
Chain me with a red ribbon of a birthday package
I've been killed by those words, and angry looks
Cutting myself with a blade for the pleasure
Trapped me inside by that rotten old adage
My hope can be found in pages of books
I'm afraid to live and too scared to die
I refuse to forgive, I don't even try
Slap me, break me, or hurt me
Kill me, take away this pain
The clean needles are free
Ah the poke in my vein
Did you know
I am not sane?
Can you even see?
I'm so cold I shiver
And finally sleep
Riding the horse
Into dreams

Tall Grass

Dressed for a social outing, the children found the tall grass so beautiful.  Others might call it weeds, or simply some grain.  But a child can see purpose in the random, and can see beauty in things others ignore.  There is a perfection and glory in what they see.  They see God's hand in the core.  Every thing they know, every thing they see, comes from a place adults forget, a sin they can never repent, knowledge and wisdom for us all, has a cost far too great to portent. 

Youth is not wasted upon the young.  Innocence is lost in adults who are forced to know dark truth.  And it starts when you are but one, against all others.

The Vulgar God

And there before our wide eyes we saw it
A vulgar and perverse god
Surrounded by servants
And beautiful dancing girls
He could not be satisfied
His hunger was relentless
And his anger when withheld from consuming
Beyond measure
Somehow we needed to kill him
But he was in control of everything
Here in his lair
Our wits were the only thing he didn't control
And the beauty of those dancing girls
Affected our wits by their share
This problem required a solution
That wasn't guns
But brains

Easter Island's Uglier Cousin

We spent years in flight
What could we have hoped for
But knowledge and discovery
We were broken from the time
Sleep drunk and exhausted
Bodies weak without the sun
And only artificial light
And yet
Here we are
Disaster looms
We followed the signal
It beckoned us to come
And we find artiface
Massive monolithic heads
All seem to offer doom
But instead we try
We investigate
Maybe these were fashioned
Made to give some message
But we've so few left of our number
We better find the answer
Soon

To Be Hung at Daybreak

Against the Czar
The leader of the revolt
Was to be hung at daybreak
An Orthodox priest offered solace
With an offer of forgiveness before death
His refusal didn't forbid receiving forgiveness
But it wouldn't come from church or sovereign
A rebel's heart need be some holy level of fearless

Revolution, no less holy

To overthrow a tyranny is to offer hope to the masses
When said plotters convene, is the gathering any less holy?
If the night before their actions, is to be their very last
Who among us should argue, this is not a Christlike ceremony?

Exploring a City within Neptune

Told that we are the only intelligent species in the galaxy was false.  Both for those species upon the earth, but even nearby.  For there are different sorts of thought, different minds, different perceptions that make us unaware of the depths of thought found in any other species who chooses to avoid our gaze.  So we were amazed, when we discovered cities built by primitives upon the moon of Neptune, that seemed to be organized, developed upon rational designs, that only accompany species with minds.  How great of fools we were.  How great of fools we are.

To Enter a Lost World (The World of ERB)

Here at the portal, we knew our course was one that no other scientific expedition had ever attempted.  We were not arrogant, but we did, sadly believe that nothing could stop our effort.

Mineral resources, gold, and precious gems fascinate our funding and grant givers. But we sought to find what had never been experienced.
We knew there might be a whole different world waiting there.  And it was, but not the sort that our financiers nor we expected. 

In this world the dinosaurs never died, but continued to evolve into the modern age.  And our weapons presented to them no nuisance, no danger.  It seemed only to inspire rage.

The Library of the Stone Cat

There it stands
It looks upon each user
They register their name
And enter in a new world
One with reason, and holism
Fiction and poems
History and science
Where there are answers
To every question
Where knights fight dragons
And go questing
Knowledge comes in many forms
And all the while there sits a stone cat
It reminds us that we exist in a world
Only alive by the random chats
With wisdom divine, whims capricious
Magnificent paws, tails and meows
Of the daughters and sons
Of the Egyptian goddess Bast
Who slew the mice
And by that saved the grains
Of the Pharaohs
Saving knowledge
Born from ancient experience
We are in their debt

Desolation

Without you, now, I can't go on.  Why did the war happen?  Why did you have to fight?  Why did you get taken from our paradise? I've entered a place without love or hope.  My world is empty, my heart vacant, and the soul sucked from my being.  My body is cold.  My tears freeze as they fall.  And there is nothing left inside.  So cold, so frozen, so filled with hate.  I am in the valley of desolation, and there is no exit, no hope of escape.

Discovering the Depths of the Sub-Planet

In 1933 we set forth into space to stop the planet approaching earth.  We had to surrender to our hopes and to our future for the benefit of all humanity. The greatest minds had joined together, to create a force, one that might solve the existing problems with rocketry, space, and our limited knowledge of the planets and moons of our solar system.  We were not creating a warship, we had no desire to destroy or conquer any other people.  But the worst possible end beckoned, if we did not engage in and stop the cascading rogue body approaching earth.

We have made impact upon the surface, reports will follow should we survive.

Invasion Earth

They landed in a fiery crash
But the impact was not suicide
They made landfall in dramatic style
But the arrival was surreal
Machines made for war
Barely touched by human arms
The Martians had goals
To dominate
To destroy
To invade and control
But the simplest thing
Took away from their advantage
Unprepared for human virus
And the vile bacterias
That humans tolerate
Killed the Martians
And proved Earth the victor

Axed

She was unwilling to share the inheritance
But she wasn't meant to be the one to decide
She slaughtered those who might have an opinion
Her flaw was exceptional arrogance
She would commit fratricide
His power gave him familial dominion
His riches were held close to his pocket
He gave his daughter a special locket
He married a woman to be his partner
Never lovers, he was not interested in another
So Lizzie used her axe to end the question
To answer the accusations at last she was to be free
For no one of the day could ever actually see
What was presented they could not condemn
A woman who'd be wounded by incest, rape or abuse
She refused the stand, it was of no use

Rise, Ascend, Fly

We might slow to watch a scene
Filled with catastrophic results
There we might wonder God's reign
When we see the death cults
Some resist the power of love
Others desire to create disgust
We have a moment to choose
We can celebrate goodness and honor
Or descend to bottom of the pond
We can be more than beasts
We can rise above the limits
Should we choose
The highest plane
We might find eternity
And live and love again

When Acquiescence Leads to Darkness

Yes I realize that there's a difference 

Between surrender and acquiescence
With one you've recognized the futility
Of your imagination and the situation
With the other you've come to agree
If you don't agree, don't force yourself 
Or you'll spend eternity wondering why
You made the bad choices and decisions
But then you decide you're ready to die
Never let a false version of you take over
Never substitute truth for a vulgar lie 

Final Holocaust

We pretend to think that it can't happen again
Simultaneously liars tell us how
It never actually happened at all
We know better however, still
So we must be vigilant
Never allow it again
To anyone
Anything similar
Should not happen in any future
We should know better  but we do not
Our memory is short
And the innocent shot
But failure is certain
If we do not remember
We will certainly do the same
For it is easy to deny
When you ignore the shame
We deserve everything we get
Human nature is something you deserve
When our future we choose to hope
Our past is composed of information
Upon which we cannot rely
Make the past Holocaust
The final Holocaust
Be vigilant against the racists
Be vigilant against those who hate
If we achieve that
Let every human be equal
Worthy of love
Worthy of care
Let there be no sequel
Of the Black March
And Hell's messengers

Again

After centuries of war we decided
We must end war and heal the scars
We must make the world a better place
But the planet knows, so do we
We proclaim hatred of war
As we build bombs and planes
We restock guns and make more bullets
We fill the arsenal just in case
Making our goals of peace
Complete bullshit
Saying we are defending ourselves
We know full well
If we need to fight
We'll kill like everyone else
We are liars
We hate peace
We create Hell
And hope becomes dark
As the screams in the night

Wind

As wind and snow push the leaves from each branch
Weather becomes a metaphor for the first to the last
If we linger on the branch we are vulnerable to the wind
If we fall too soon, we are crushed beneath foot and die a bit within
It is easier then
We must accept our fate
The wind will come
It isn't a matter of if
But when
So we should be ready
To have our named in the book of life
With ink and prepared for the pen

But I resist

Told since childhood that I can do anything
It came as a huge surprise they were wrong
Knowing that I don't have the talents required
The hopes in my heart as a child are all gone
Don't tell me falsehoods and conjecture
About things you can't possibly know
You impose endless limitations, you lecture
You don't understand, and hate when I grow

When it hit

Early morning sky broke
By meteor strikes
Then burned the fire
Then Fall the ash
Earth now made black
Lives cast away, all is lost
Taking less time
Than one single flash

Last image

They said he had been missing
But the security system disagreed
An infrared image captured the hand
As it was placed against the glass
As if a final testament left behind
Perhaps he had breathed his last
No sign of life remained
Neighbors worried
Fear burned inside
No one knew what to think
The fears could not be disguised
But for now he was gone
And no one wondered
What he done so wrong