I'd love to be able to say...

When it comes to love
I am humble
I'm not proud
I'd love to be able to say
I didn't see it coming
However
I did hear a sound
Like any train blowing through
First came the rumble
Then I heard in my head
A long whistle
Finally after it crashed
The thunder was loud
The fireball rose high
And every hope that I had
Was dead
And then she said
Goodbye

You bought me the gun

When I said I'd love to die
You went and bought me a gun
Then I said I am considering suicide
You said go on then to oblivion
I begged for love and you gave me pain
I begged for time, you called me insane
Why do you linger near
I am ready to flee
Don't you dare cry tears
You are the reason
I made the choice to end me
To end me
To end me
Why are you still here
Go away and live
I died long ago
This flesh is dead
And my spirit fled
Go away now
You know now
That I am right
I died
And this flesh moves
Only to haunt everyone left
Behind

No mercy like yours

You broke my stubborn will
Without using a single word
My heart stopped in place
I will love you still
Because I believe
Only you can restore me
Restore my hope
Through your grace
There is no mercy
Like your mercy
There is no love
Like your love
And I remain a work
Unfinished
My soul remains broken
With tears and dreams
Unspoken
But I have something greater
Than any earthly thing
I have your promise
And until you return
My heart burns in pain
For this world is not my own
No matter what this world thinks
It means by being free
I long to fly in the heavens
To be truly home
With you
My lord
My King

roll

Tears roll when my heart can't control the fall
I remember your voice, your scent and more
My heart cries when I sleep and dream
Of  you
There is no reason, no fairness in this world
When it falls apart and you have pain unseen
I have nothing to give
And only regrets to forgive

This one chance

I know that I will never be released
Because it is only love
That redeems
Life and love are the mystery
What are you willing to try
Before you die
Of a broken heart
Trying to go further so that I might share
I spent a lifetime trying to transcend
The rest of my time trying to escape the prison
Of my flesh, of this bent place
I sniffed the wind and caught her scent
And it made me blind with lust
I lagged behind, and tried to be discreet
I was covered in veils and lace
While wearing an invisible mask
To disguise my face
From first to last
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
I still didn't belong
I faced defeat
Every time I chase
Everything I am falls apart
And I begin to  mistrust
If I only I knew
What love meant
I might change
But the lessons I learn
Those lessons being taught to make me hurt
And taught to make me burn

Honest heart

What is there within
When the walls fall away
How did I end up here
Seething and betrayed
Again
My heart is honest
By my words are not
You see me as insane
But that is yours to say

The final word

I am finished
Je suis fini
The world hurtles
Into the darkness
And I am consumed
With sorrow
Over the world's lingering love
For oblivion's final doom
I am finished
But before I pass
I offer one thing that will last
Choose to do that
Which will be the answer
Offer hope to hopeless
Give a voice for the voiceless
By surgeon's blade
Remove the cancer
Give a choice
To those without choices
Avert your gaze
From your self
And turn it
To those who wait
Upon your gift
To those who are ready
For the final truth
If you know the answer
The truth will reside in you

He will wipe away all tears from their eyes. There will be no more death, no more grief or crying or pain. The old things have disappeared.

Revelation 21:4

Leave this to me

Need to stop watching this
Damn CNN
They are so stupid
...
What? No wait, I'll be right there
No no, don't worry
Really don't worry 
I've done this many times
You just click the on switch
And begin to push
...
Now then let's set it to drive
And lower the blade to mow
Let's go for a ride
Stand back here I go
...
Hmmm
Apparently I was wrong
Well I'm ready to try again
...
...
Well shit
Is there gas in this thing?
Why don't you check
OK Focus
Pray, calm down, find the zen
...
This machine is fucked
Dammit
Shit
OUCH
My foot!

Moonrise Vigil

Armed with vigilance and sword
Standing on ramparts, sharing the duty
Defending who we love
Not in fear but diligence
We are not patriots, but guardians
Aware of the danger from the horde
Watching the horizon for the enemy
Come ye horde of bestial beasts
Come ye army of yellowed eyes and skin
This is not a challenge
Issued by an advisor or the lord
But an affirmation
We are ready for the invasion
Your violent entreaties will be met
With violence greater as a reward

love thief

we are like thieves
and must hide in the reeds
must avoid being caught
as our dreams meld together
we both need the other
for this love is a mansion
powerfully wrought

ghosts watch

Our ghosts watch
Our memories of relationships haunt
There is nothing they can do
But they are there, we feel them
And we do what they cannot
I want to resist their inquiries
I want to make them flee
But every single heavy step I take
They wait for me
With axe they cut a notch
My flesh, my blood are their baptismal font
They dance as they plot my doom
As the din gets louder, I become numb
For the time it is taking them I suggest that they use a garotte
I no  longer control my destiny
As they are hellbent upon hanging me from this tree
I wonder, briefly if it will be suffocation
Or that my neck will break
It doesn't matter, I show my cowardice
With a loud scream 

Inferno walk

I am walking into the inferno
The path is wrought with pain
My flesh burns off the bone
The fear drives me insane
I stare into the burning flame
I become blinded
I feel shame
And never
Will I
Return

heart

I haven't watched long enough
To know if I am still amused
I haven't spent enough love
Nor even good moods
I am awash in darkness
I am the child of sin
My heart speaks of pain
And my soul of pain within

Red Tide

Who am I
Watching from a distance
I float outside the dome
Watching
Knowing
Waiting
My flesh is dead
Aged by time
I am a corpse
Flensed and cut
There is nothing inside
My flesh now simply meat
No one cares
Not even me
I am the result of suicide
A body sans spirit
Existence fled
Muscles and bones
A red tide
Of death

Before the King of Atlantis

We'd spent the weekend fishing
The open ocean was wicked and toiling
Our small boat was unstable
We'd caught many fish but
The storm was rising
And spoke aloud a prayer to the king
He was unkind
Enormous and filled with ire
We were in awe
We were tiny and insignificant
Before him
We survived only by our guile
Insignificance
And luck

They formed a circle

Eternity is a circle, with no beginning point
And no end
We stand in the middle
Not seeing our linear projection
Because we are surround
And time is lost
There is no cost
The spirit is eternal
We must abandon the flesh
Draw new breath
And enter the circle
Of ever

"If we consider eternity, into that time never entered; eternity is not an everlasting flux of time, but time is as a short parenthesis in a long period; and eternity had been the same as it is, though time had never been."

John Donne

To Serve the Great King

I the serve one
The only one
The great I am
And my flesh is his
To use
With great prejudice
With innocence
With my naive mind
He is king
Use me for war
To take my sword
Break my bones
Make me bleed
I am his
And I offer something
That is nothing
For to die is to live
To ascend is to be
More than anything
That I might desire
By service I am redeemed

Crushing me

Guilt without relent
Weighing down my heart
My soul rent
Regret for the things
I can't forget
That I've done
Against my own pretense
That I deserve
Anything good
That I should reverse
My ascent
And surrender
Remember
For the rest of this life
And even thereafter

chased

Led by the huntmaster
Wolves
Nightmares
Banshees
Darkness
All Chase me
Filled with desire
Longing to kill
I am hunted
For their thrills
Relentless
They never tire

Athena so worthy

I learned why honor is beauty
When my heart stopped for a moment
And I saw her grace, Athena
Her face was forgiving
Her form was powerful
And agile
I begged her to forgive my failure
And she smiled and nodded
I awoke alive
Amidst my countrymen
And was told
I was the reason
They'd survived
I'd acted though unconscious
I had thrived
Due to her

Against my nature

I am guilty of spending my life searching for something
That I would never find in one hundred lifetimes
I confess that I am unable to love more than I've known
Despite being given forgiveness for my crimes
Forgiveness is alien to my darkest nature
I lost my focus
Lost my trust
And gave in to despair
And fear

white out

Every thing in view
Is ivory to the eye
Nothing black or gray in hue
A simple palette of white
The vision so fantastically beautiful
Without extravagance
So pure in shape and form
Tastes change, but beauty is immutable
Nothing about it is inadequate
Captured in the violence of a storm

Absolute shame

Your eyes penetrate the distance between us
And my eyes close for the injustice
Of knowing you without speaking my heart
For you are the goddess Venus
And I've never been close to being Mars
Even as my loyal heart makes war
Upon my faithless soul
The battle for control
Will determine
Who leaves the scars
If I open up my being
I might be redeemed
I might be blamed
If I remain closed
And never speak a word
I self inflict damage
And cause enormous pain
I live in silence
And remain alone
And revel in my absolute shame
For I allowed my hope
To die without a fight
To remain rooted upon the earth
When I have wings for flight

The War Against the Fire Worms

The day arrived when victory was ours
We had fought and slew hordes of dragons
We were experts, committed and true
We'd celebrated our victories, with flagons of mead
And had assumed the world was free
For no dragons now flew
It was the warrior's hour
But we had absolutely no understanding
Of what dragons do when faced with struggle
They dig deep into the earth
Laying eggs for the future horde
But also unleashing the power
When their queen gave birth
The metamorphosis of the species
The dragon queen is able
When threatened to transform
A much larger and more vile body
Loathsome breath, and flight
A Worm, of enormous length
And more
She gave birth to more of her kind
All bearing the gifts of their mother
The dragons were gone
Replaced with creatures
Much greater
And impossible to slay
Humans had had their victory
But now the Worms
Would have their day

MY BRAIN

Truth request

I closed my eyes and turned away
I couldn't bear the knowledge of the shame
That followed my path since you left
Now I am cursed,
But with you I'd been blessed
My hopes are gone
My life is ended
What was wrong
Were you offended
Why did you leave me
What did I do?
What did I say?
Please tell me the truth

My Epiphany

Eternal King

No Choice

Life is good, right?
Then why is it such a fight
If life is a bowl of cherries
Somebody already ate my share
If life is but a dream
This is a fucking nightmare
I fight the urge to collapse in despair
But I am exhausted
And might have no choice
If I am murdered
I will have no voice
And Life itself slays me

Never easy

Let the blade slip in
Let this demon out
Break my back
I have those doubts
Kiss my lips
Use a noose
In the wind
You know I'll twist
Hang me up
Never let me go
I have no hold on reality
My brain gears are loose
I know I will fall
So Azrael dance with me
Give me a kiss upon my sinner lips