Saturday, February 28, 2015
Forgot about
They put me in a can
Tightened the lid
Locked it up
Turned out the light
On the electric grid
Showing them who
Is in which cell
In this concrete and iron
Gray hell
I've searched the cage
There is no escape
Rattled the bars
Screamed for the jailer
I'm stuck inside
Maybe forever
Maybe until
The earth dies
Who am I kidding
They won't leave me behind
Any more than they
Already did
Oh no
This isn't the time
To learn
They've forgotten me
I am not on anyone's mind
God forbid
Oh sweet Jesus
God forbid
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Sorrow's Song
When I found out
That you were not
Who you said you were
I said just end it
You had pretended
That we were together
But that was a lie
That was a lie
My sorrow began
When your love ended
My tortured life
I began my descent
And my heart
Could not be mended
When you went away
Continued alone
I could never
Transcend this
This sorrow
This path
I am left
To walk
This path
Is beyond me
My soul
Rendered
By the blade
Of sorrow
And you
Keep walking
I gave my heart
Away
And I was betrayed
Forever and a day
Farewell
My heart
Farewell
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
The Disease of Me
Like an abcess
Never removed
After a lifetime
I am purely
Unredeemed
Alive but death
Everyone left
They ran from me
Spat upon my face
Died early
Failed the test
Just to escape
Leaving me
Heart broken with a
Ripped open chest
Hated me
Unbalanced
Unable to even be
Worth a moment
Of your day
They threw me away
Gave me back
Wished I was dead
Threw me in the trash
An abortion that lived
A day in the life of
A being who survived
But was never forgiven
For the crime of being
Alive
Never removed
After a lifetime
I am purely
Unredeemed
Alive but death
Everyone left
They ran from me
Spat upon my face
Died early
Failed the test
Just to escape
Leaving me
Heart broken with a
Ripped open chest
Hated me
Unbalanced
Unable to even be
Worth a moment
Of your day
They threw me away
Gave me back
Wished I was dead
Threw me in the trash
An abortion that lived
A day in the life of
A being who survived
But was never forgiven
For the crime of being
Alive
Saturday, February 21, 2015
A Prayer
I heard the voice
Through my being it poured
Of the architect of ever
The creator of all
The maker of the entire universe
My heart began to roar
As he called my name
He heard my call
He broke every curse
As I walked through the open door
That he laid there for me
To enter communion
With him
Despite my ugly sins
Despite my dark soul
Despite my hateful being
He has protected me
From every manner of harm
And now
He asked me to come within
His forgiving
His loving
His merciful
Arms
Through my being it poured
Of the architect of ever
The creator of all
The maker of the entire universe
My heart began to roar
As he called my name
He heard my call
He broke every curse
As I walked through the open door
That he laid there for me
To enter communion
With him
Despite my ugly sins
Despite my dark soul
Despite my hateful being
He has protected me
From every manner of harm
And now
He asked me to come within
His forgiving
His loving
His merciful
Arms
Friday, February 20, 2015
In a Cage, In the Asylum
Whatever I did
Whatever I gave
I have nothing more to say
I have nothing more to give
I have nothing I can do
And as of now
I don't even want to live
Everything I have done
Can be cast away
It didn't matter anyway
My love is broken
My sorrow will now be
Unspoken
My life will be poured out
Without my mouth opened
Not one word
About my broken heart
And my soul
Leaking doubt
Leaking doubt
Just lock me up
In the cage
Throw away
The key
It doesn't matter
What you say
I will never
Be free
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Ever ahead
Consumed
By this pain
It costs me
Everything I am
To stay
I want to run
Far far away
Sometimes I want to say
Fuck the future
All there is, is now
But then
I see all those past generations
Who themselves
Said the same
And now the present
Is fucked
For the foreseeable
Ever ahead
Anything I do
Will not interrupt
The motions of time
Set forward
All I do
Will only be
A ripple
On the surface
Of the pond
Into the whirlpool
I will be sucked
And entombed
This body will be
Exhumed
To see if the cause
Of death
Was a curse
But it is not
The decay begins
The moment of birth
The flesh begins to turn
Corrupt
From our first moments
From the womb
But I go on
Despite the present

By this pain
It costs me
Everything I am
To stay
I want to run
Far far away
Sometimes I want to say
Fuck the future
All there is, is now
But then
I see all those past generations
Who themselves
Said the same
And now the present
Is fucked
For the foreseeable
Ever ahead
Anything I do
Will not interrupt
The motions of time
Set forward
All I do
Will only be
A ripple
On the surface
Of the pond
Into the whirlpool
I will be sucked
And entombed
This body will be
Exhumed
To see if the cause
Of death
Was a curse
But it is not
The decay begins
The moment of birth
The flesh begins to turn
Corrupt
From our first moments
From the womb
But I go on
Despite the present

Saturday, February 14, 2015
Friday, February 13, 2015
Hidden Glory
He kept her in his keep
Deep behind thick walls
Holding her from others
So as to make her his own
In the evenings together they'd sleep
During days alone she'd suffer
Lonely for company, she was alone
He couldn't bear the thought
Of sharing her
For the potential of her leaving
But it was due to his fear that it was this way
His mind created misery nightmares it wrought
For she was in love with him
Just as much as he treasured her
Together their souls were weaving
And she wanted to be his
Together tie a ceremonial knot
He was so shy in demeanor
Not trusting of others
So fearful of fate
He barely spoke for fear of revealing
His plans to keep her
With him forever
Out of reach of another
This dance went on
Until they were old
And all others could think
Was how odd a pair
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Apparitions
My love died through attrition
When you were here, you didn't notice me
When I was gone, you said you missed me
When I speak, you never listen
And when you yelled (at me), never stopped
(screaming)
So why do I miss you at all
Have I performed the proper excision
Of my rights, of my property?
Do I belong to the correct religion?
Am I not what you demanded
Do I need to beg to be forgiven
For some crime I've committed
Without knowledge?
I cannot do what I do not know
I cannot be what I am not aware
Exists
So excise me
From your lists
Of conquests
I don't belong there
When you were here, you didn't notice me
When I was gone, you said you missed me
When I speak, you never listen
And when you yelled (at me), never stopped
(screaming)
So why do I miss you at all
Have I performed the proper excision
Of my rights, of my property?
Do I belong to the correct religion?
Am I not what you demanded
Do I need to beg to be forgiven
For some crime I've committed
Without knowledge?
I cannot do what I do not know
I cannot be what I am not aware
Exists
So excise me
From your lists
Of conquests
I don't belong there
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Dance, Dance
Take my hand, and walk with me
Join me upon the ballroom floor
The music is subdued but rhythmic
And soon you'll be wishing for more
We are the recently dead
We are the newly lost
Your lifetime is now at an end
But dance, dance, there is no cost
The band is playing for free
While our bodies decay in pine box
We are the bones of our memory
We are the flesh of our past
We the lingering doubts
That kept us from victory
We are the echoes of joy
We are the last remnants of pain
Dance, now dance
The macabre dance of fate
Join me upon the ballroom floor
The music is subdued but rhythmic
And soon you'll be wishing for more
We are the recently dead
We are the newly lost
Your lifetime is now at an end
But dance, dance, there is no cost
The band is playing for free
While our bodies decay in pine box
We are the bones of our memory
We are the flesh of our past
We the lingering doubts
That kept us from victory
We are the echoes of joy
We are the last remnants of pain
Dance, now dance
The macabre dance of fate
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Hubris and Opulence
Plague of sorrows
Torn by misery
Legacy of torment
No tomorrows
Tears burn bitterly
Forlorn is our lament
Atlantis our home
Sink beneath the surface
Take your people with you
The waves are rising
The rains keep falling
Society's destruction
Unsurprising
The peak of greatness
Reached
The fall from the heights
Reached
The fall from the heights
Gods we beseech
Atlantis falling
Atlantis falling
In a day
Generations fed deceit
Greatness a word
Not a deed
Generations fed deceit
Greatness a word
Not a deed
Our rise was hubris
Every day gilded
Our fall is preordained
By our uprising conceit
Never again such grandeur
Our prestige
Such opulence
A lie
The heights we've climbed
Forgotten
Now civilization must die
"Now in this island of
Atlantis there was a great and wonderful empire which had rule over the
whole island and several others, and over parts of the continent and,
furthermore, the men of Atlantis had subjected the parts of Libya within
the columns of Heracles as far as Egypt, and of Europe as far as
Tyrrhenia.This vast power, gathered into one, endeavored to subdue at a
blow our country and yours and the whole of the region within the
straits, and then, Solon, your country shone forth, in the excellence of
her virtue and strength, among all mankind." PLATO
Monday, February 9, 2015
Above all, I am
Tomorrow comes and goes
And I haven't moved at all
My heart waits for you
Seeming to believe that it knows
That you will return
To come for me
Taking my hand, walking away
From this life
Finally, triumphantly
Maybe with a bouquet of roses
Some take my shyness
That is, my silence
In the face of the sorrow
As acquiescence
But it isn't at all
I am neither confused
Nor accepting
Simply calculating
The cost of opening
Up
Broken yes, even crushed
But the wait is not the cause
Unfulfilled dreams
Desires unmet
Prayers unanswered
Loves lost and love that has died
Years of focusing upon my flaws
No one knows how deserving
I am, above all
Of being crushed and cast aside
And I haven't moved at all
My heart waits for you
Seeming to believe that it knows
That you will return
To come for me
Taking my hand, walking away
From this life
Finally, triumphantly
Maybe with a bouquet of roses
Some take my shyness
That is, my silence
In the face of the sorrow
As acquiescence
But it isn't at all
I am neither confused
Nor accepting
Simply calculating
The cost of opening
Up
Broken yes, even crushed
But the wait is not the cause
Unfulfilled dreams
Desires unmet
Prayers unanswered
Loves lost and love that has died
Years of focusing upon my flaws
No one knows how deserving
I am, above all
Of being crushed and cast aside
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Resist
They have no faith Except for their petty gods
Who dance upon the stage
Entertaining them
With their stylistic ignorance
Fashionable nihilistic ways
Begging as they do
Azrael's kiss
They adopt mourning songs
As their anthems
They surrender to fear
As they dive into the abyss
With no integrity
Without shame
I see that chasm
It is vast and growing
I have never given in
I have never given up
To the despair of this age
That forms shackles
About our wrists and ankles
And cynicism in our hearts
I refuse to bow before
Some heartless demon's orgasm
Random failures
Catastrophic defeats
None of these define me
Nor will they call my name
Because I will not bow
Before their fetid desires
Every thing they've done
Every act of rage
Aimed at me
Has been entirely in vain
Every act of my being
Is in rebellion to the way
That entropy and cynicism
Have stolen the day
I resist
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Every time
Every time you stare into my eyes
I can feel
As it goes straight through
Don't you realize that that burns my soul
I never meant to lie
Really
I just didn't know the truth
I've never been whole
So I can't bear your sins
I'd like to
But
I can't bear your burdens
because I can't even mine
Sometimes I look into the sky
Dark clouds making me smile
Because
I keep hoping for lightning
To strike me dead
So I'll know what it's like
To not be so paralyzed
With fear that someone
Can get near
Inside
When you look at me I turn invisible
When you talk I become deaf
When you walk away I abhor who I am
So then I turn around
Catch my breath
Run from this world, run from my life
Still hoping
That the lightning will strike
Then I will be free
From this sin of being me
I can feel
As it goes straight through
Don't you realize that that burns my soul
I never meant to lie
Really
I just didn't know the truth
I've never been whole
So I can't bear your sins
I'd like to
But
I can't bear your burdens
because I can't even mine
Sometimes I look into the sky
Dark clouds making me smile
Because
I keep hoping for lightning
To strike me dead
So I'll know what it's like
To not be so paralyzed
With fear that someone
Can get near
Inside
When you look at me I turn invisible
When you talk I become deaf
When you walk away I abhor who I am
So then I turn around
Catch my breath
Run from this world, run from my life
Still hoping
That the lightning will strike
Then I will be free
From this sin of being me
Monday, February 2, 2015
Time Never Ends
If you live as if life has no ending
You risk losing what you have
And all that you desire
But you will live
If you, like miser, hold it all
Tightly to your chest
You can keep it
Forever with you
In your grave
Forever
Cold
Alone
With nothing to else
That can comfort you
The rest of your journey
The despair of a lifetime
Will linger
Memories like echoes
Through the years
Time moves on
Without your permission
Aging happens
And the seasons flow
We have no control
Over any of life's inertia
We can neither stop it
Nor slow it down
We cannot cheat death
Nor avoid it
We only have hope
Somehow
To find a way
To move our soul
From this world
To the next
Somehow
To translate
Life in physical form
To something different
You risk losing what you have
And all that you desire
But you will live
If you, like miser, hold it all
Tightly to your chest
You can keep it
Forever with you
In your grave
Forever
Cold
Alone
With nothing to else
That can comfort you
The rest of your journey
The despair of a lifetime
Will linger
Memories like echoes
Through the years
Time moves on
Without your permission
Aging happens
And the seasons flow
We have no control
Over any of life's inertia
We can neither stop it
Nor slow it down
We cannot cheat death
Nor avoid it
We only have hope
Somehow
To find a way
To move our soul
From this world
To the next
Somehow
To translate
Life in physical form
To something different
Saturday, January 31, 2015
ghost I'd become
Hard to believe how much I've lost
From simply not being aware
Of the ghost I'd become
Invisible to everyone
Apparently, especially you
When you were done, there was no reason
You didn't need my time
You could use but found other money
It wasn't treason
I was just a fool to be so blind
You didn't have the kindness
No you were too cold inside
And I was just a body to use
There was nothing alive
In our love
Face the truth
We had nothing
I am unwilling to live again
If I had to ever meet you
Or see you
Again
No, never
I will never mend
From simply not being aware
Of the ghost I'd become
Invisible to everyone
Apparently, especially you
When you were done, there was no reason
You didn't need my time
You could use but found other money
It wasn't treason
I was just a fool to be so blind
You didn't have the kindness
No you were too cold inside
And I was just a body to use
There was nothing alive
In our love
Face the truth
We had nothing
I am unwilling to live again
If I had to ever meet you
Or see you
Again
No, never
I will never mend
Friday, January 30, 2015
How much hell
When I could I didn't bother
And now I am frozen
In the day
In the cost
In younger days I could laugh it off
I thought the future held good things
But I was lost
I watched as
Over time
The future held nothing
How much hell is there
In one lost heart
How much pain can I suffer
How much can I lose
Before I have lost it all
How can I tell?
What is there to choose
I can't begin to try
To stop the fall
From heaven into hell
And now I am frozen
In the day
In the cost
In younger days I could laugh it off
I thought the future held good things
But I was lost
I watched as
Over time
The future held nothing
How much hell is there
In one lost heart
How much pain can I suffer
How much can I lose
Before I have lost it all
How can I tell?
What is there to choose
I can't begin to try
To stop the fall
From heaven into hell
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Grieved
I grieved for us
But then you said to forget
That we ever kissed
To forget
That we ever lived
In an embrace
As one
That I ever dreamed
You'd be with me
Forever after
And all the days to come
But then you said to forget
That we ever kissed
To forget
That we ever lived
In an embrace
As one
That I ever dreamed
You'd be with me
Forever after
And all the days to come
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Memories of you remain
Mother
Tenho saudades tuas
I miss you so deeply
A day doesn't pass
Without a tear
I cannot think
Or speak
Without wondering
If you are near enough
To hear me
I always knew when you left
I'd forever miss you
Mon absence était d'un cœur silencieux
And now you are gone
I no longer wish to go on
I will never hear you laugh
Or eat your food
Or watch your movies
There just isn't anything left
That can comfort me
Or fill the void
That you filled
Tenho saudades tuas
I miss you so deeply
A day doesn't pass
Without a tear
I cannot think
Or speak
Without wondering
If you are near enough
To hear me
I always knew when you left
I'd forever miss you
Mon absence était d'un cœur silencieux
And now you are gone
I no longer wish to go on
I will never hear you laugh
Or eat your food
Or watch your movies
There just isn't anything left
That can comfort me
Or fill the void
That you filled
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Madness
Dizzy from the abuse
I create my own madness
What's the use
I am lost
Ignored in an asylum
Where they offer freedom
From the demons in my mind
I've committed suicide inside
And there is nothing left
And I will be placed upon more meds
In the negative zone
And oblivion
I create my own madness
What's the use
I am lost
Ignored in an asylum
Where they offer freedom
From the demons in my mind
I've committed suicide inside
And there is nothing left
And I will be placed upon more meds
In the negative zone
And oblivion
Monday, January 26, 2015
Just Meat?
"In order to exist, man must rebel, but rebellion must respect the limits that it discovers in itself - limits where minds meet, and in meeting, begin to exist." Albert Camus
Despite my efforts
To hide myself
Behind a shield of shyness
Of curiosity and quiet
In a world of violence
I called out in the darkness
I heard no answer
I screamed for help
Reply was silence
I walked
Further into the void
My life was escaping
My ability to exist
Didn't matter
There was no kindness
There was no meaning
I didn't matter
Life was absurd
Insane
No use in believing
In anything
If all my labors
Are lost
In the haze and fog
Of the existence
My resistance
To the hands of fate
To destiny's clutch
Only bred hate
In my hurting heart
Until I stopped to think
There was just this one thing
If life was absurd
Without meaning
And I longed for meaning
It means I was born
Desiring
Something greater
And I wonder
How that can be
If I was born
And will die
A pile of meat
Ecclesiastes 3:16 "Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there
was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was
wickedness."
Sunday, January 25, 2015
the room
They said when I told them
Exactly what they wanted
They'd let me leave
So I told them whatever they said to say
And now I am haunted
Because they won't let me be free
So what do I care
Do you dare doubt?
I didn't like to dream
Nor sleep
Nor do anything
But answer them in full
About things I know nothing about
Exactly what they wanted
They'd let me leave
So I told them whatever they said to say
And now I am haunted
Because they won't let me be free
So what do I care
Do you dare doubt?
I didn't like to dream
Nor sleep
Nor do anything
But answer them in full
About things I know nothing about
Saturday, January 24, 2015
The Gods of Sleep are Selfish
Far away in the dream lands
I have a lover who loves my soul
But I am only able to see her
When I dream
And I am alone in my world
Until I am able to sleep
Falling asleep is difficult
I struggle and I suffer
Sleep is not so easy, for me
Some are blessed to close their eyes
Enter the dreams as if it is innate
Others do not have to do even that
Dream enters their waking state
The hours of sleep
That we treasure and cherish
Are not naturally occurring for all
Some of us have to beseech Hypnos
Or beg Thanatos
Entice Morpheus to enter our mind
And dream
Let them take away whatever we offer
In exchange for our sanity
We receive the depth of thought
That makes us see
The future perfectly clearly
The past in exquisite detail
And the gods of that domain
Are capricious in their whims
Nothing I do or say
Changes their minds
And I linger in the inbetween
Waiting to be allowed in
But in this world
Where time is real
We only have so much time
Friday, January 23, 2015
Falling
Like the touch of small hands
Angels crying
And then the rumble
Of a powerful thunder
So kind to remind me
That I am very small
And the world is truly
Very
Very large
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Where Love Blooms
I know she was a messenger sent
From a different world
One more innocent
Yet she leaves me confused
Was I thinking or was I asleep
I don't know if I was awake
Or if that moment had been dreamt
But I do know that she'd been here
Just moments before I caught her scent
Upon the air in the room
Her beauty fills my mind
Arouses my soul
Creates fire
In my being
No, not lust
But pure desire
When I think of her
I can not help but be moved
From my heart
To the depths of my bones
She lingers in the love
How it flows around
The love she has planted
The way it has grown
From the seeds
In the ground
Where love blooms
And glories
From a different world
One more innocent
Yet she leaves me confused
Was I thinking or was I asleep
I don't know if I was awake
Or if that moment had been dreamt
But I do know that she'd been here
Just moments before I caught her scent
Upon the air in the room
Her beauty fills my mind
Arouses my soul
Creates fire
In my being
No, not lust
But pure desire
When I think of her
I can not help but be moved
From my heart
To the depths of my bones
She lingers in the love
How it flows around
The love she has planted
The way it has grown
From the seeds
In the ground
Where love blooms
And glories
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Not your first choice, nor your last
I know I am not your first choice
I know I won't be your last
And it doesn't hurt to know
You aren't moved by my voice
Calling to you
Even though I know
Its not your problem
It burns inside me
With no relent
I know I won't be your last
And it doesn't hurt to know
You aren't moved by my voice
Calling to you
Even though I know
Its not your problem
It burns inside me
With no relent
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Giving up, forever
Let's end it
Even if it hurts
I can't go on
I surrender
I never wanted
To have it go on
If I am alone here
Because solitary confinement
Forever and ever
Is torture
Just to have something
Just to have it
Isn't worth it
If you don't want me
Then we're planting
Some kind of bitter seeds
Always taking
Never giving
Always hurting
Always bleeding
If you don't want
My heart
Then give it back
And take my apology
Give your love
To someone in need
Let's just end
This cliched charade
Instead of acting
In some magnificent
Opulent faux betrayal
Some false masquerade
Meant as a final portrayal
Of love for the ages
When we forgot
Long ago
What love is supposed
To be
((This poem is not autobiographical. I am rather frustrated to have to say that, as it removes some of the power of the words I've written, but when I write sad love poems or lost love poems if you will, I get emails from people hoping I am alright and not suicidal and asking what happened. I use observation, personal reflection, life experiences, poetic license, and many other methods for writing and capturing emotions, this poem is informed by many things, some personal, some not. I love my wife, so don't worry.))
Even if it hurts
I can't go on
I surrender
I never wanted
To have it go on
If I am alone here
Because solitary confinement
Forever and ever
Is torture
Just to have something
Just to have it
Isn't worth it
If you don't want me
Then we're planting
Some kind of bitter seeds
Always taking
Never giving
Always hurting
Always bleeding
If you don't want
My heart
Then give it back
And take my apology
Give your love
To someone in need
Let's just end
This cliched charade
Instead of acting
In some magnificent
Opulent faux betrayal
Some false masquerade
Meant as a final portrayal
Of love for the ages
When we forgot
Long ago
What love is supposed
To be
((This poem is not autobiographical. I am rather frustrated to have to say that, as it removes some of the power of the words I've written, but when I write sad love poems or lost love poems if you will, I get emails from people hoping I am alright and not suicidal and asking what happened. I use observation, personal reflection, life experiences, poetic license, and many other methods for writing and capturing emotions, this poem is informed by many things, some personal, some not. I love my wife, so don't worry.))
Monday, January 19, 2015
Prisoner
In a prison of love
I fall down and beg forgiveness
I am redeemed by words you have said
There is a chance I might relapse
From this addiction to your presence
And the sentence is life
My dreams here are red
My nightmares are empty
The nothingness of black
Prison guards are dispatched
My defenses are attacked
I can't relinquish my hold
There is nothing more I need
Nor want
You are the sum total
Of everything I could ever ask for
I confess
You cannot entrap me, I admit everything
You cannot imprison me, I long to be here
My body will collapse
But my will shall carry on
And nothing will change
Because I am a prisoner
One who does not wish
To be freed
And though others do not understand
You are all I need
All I want
Your kiss
Your lips
Nothing more
Nothing less
Ecstasy beckons
In reality
Not by some wish
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Aware
I am aware
Far too aware
My love is not enough
For someone like you
My body screams
While you sleep
I hear you in dream
But I am living a nightmare
Far from you
There is no truth to knowing
That you could only feel
Towards me
Pity
Where I am afire for you
And you don't
And can't possibly care
Far too aware
My love is not enough
For someone like you
My body screams
While you sleep
I hear you in dream
But I am living a nightmare
Far from you
There is no truth to knowing
That you could only feel
Towards me
Pity
Where I am afire for you
And you don't
And can't possibly care
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Supreme purpose
I can't let the sun rise
Nor the day end
Without a thought
Counting my fortune
Only truth, no lies
A message sent
And let it be wrought
Created, born
We should live to love one another
We should live for the day
Supreme purpose
No need to escape
Reality will be perfect
Without regret
Nothing but love
For everyone
Nor the day end
Without a thought
Counting my fortune
Only truth, no lies
A message sent
And let it be wrought
Created, born
We should live to love one another
We should live for the day
Supreme purpose
No need to escape
Reality will be perfect
Without regret
Nothing but love
For everyone
Friday, January 16, 2015
Worked
I tried every way to make it work
But you just kept saying no way
I wanted it to be worth having
But you wanted something else
I asked nothing in return
And you acted as if I should feel shame
While you were laughing
Madness queen of the realm
I surrender
This love can't be any more worked
But you just kept saying no way
I wanted it to be worth having
But you wanted something else
I asked nothing in return
And you acted as if I should feel shame
While you were laughing
Madness queen of the realm
I surrender
This love can't be any more worked
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Wounds too grievous
I regret that I am finished
Je suis fini
I cannot bear the pain
Any longer
My hope deflated
I am desolation
Completely diminished
Removed from the living
I take my place
In full fetal hold
In the Womb
Of death
Holding me tightly
Despite being forgiven
I am now in a self sealed tomb
Of my own making
Je suis l'esprit de la désolation abjecte
Je suis fini
I cannot bear the pain
Any longer
My hope deflated
I am desolation
Completely diminished
Removed from the living
I take my place
In full fetal hold
In the Womb
Of death
Holding me tightly
Despite being forgiven
I am now in a self sealed tomb
Of my own making
Je suis l'esprit de la désolation abjecte
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
No, No More
My life is not yours for dissection
Nor are you to treat me
Like some vile infection
I live and breathe
Having feelings
Inside my chest
Beats a heart
In my skull
Rests a brain
That thinks and knows
What I do is live
Just as you
So the pain you cause
The insults you give
Are not welcome
Any more than you'd suffer
Willingly
I walked
One thousand miles
My spirit flew
One million times
And you were
The sole recipient
Of my trust
I am spent
Done
Refusing to go on
For your pleasure
Nor are you to treat me
Like some vile infection
I live and breathe
Having feelings
Inside my chest
Beats a heart
In my skull
Rests a brain
That thinks and knows
What I do is live
Just as you
So the pain you cause
The insults you give
Are not welcome
Any more than you'd suffer
Willingly
I walked
One thousand miles
My spirit flew
One million times
And you were
The sole recipient
Of my trust
I am spent
Done
Refusing to go on
For your pleasure
Saturday, January 10, 2015
When R'lyeh Rises From the Ocean Floor, Terror Will Rise With It
There is a wall around a city
To keep what is inside
From getting outside
Modern men think
Quite differently
Walls are for protecting
From invading things
But this city lay ruined
Without life for thousands of years
It is stark
It is menacing
And no one
Can explain why
There is fear
No explanations
But it is there
It pervades every moment
As if torture
As if torment
The city walls
Were built to prevent
Whatever is inside
From escaping out
But sooner
Perhaps later
Inevitable yes, sometime
What is there
Will be released
And then the unspeakable names
Will be spoken
The unbreakable seals
Will be broken
The unthinkable horrors
Will be
Freed
And then our fate
Will be sealed
To keep what is inside
From getting outside
Modern men think
Quite differently
Walls are for protecting
From invading things
But this city lay ruined
Without life for thousands of years
It is stark
It is menacing
And no one
Can explain why
There is fear
No explanations
But it is there
It pervades every moment
As if torture
As if torment
The city walls
Were built to prevent
Whatever is inside
From escaping out
But sooner
Perhaps later
Inevitable yes, sometime
What is there
Will be released
And then the unspeakable names
Will be spoken
The unbreakable seals
Will be broken
The unthinkable horrors
Will be
Freed
And then our fate
Will be sealed
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Shark
I was strugglingMaybe drowning
I was bleeding
When you tasted it
Blood
In the water
You went from
Curiousity
Directly to attack
Shredding me
Sucking my flesh
Biting my viscera
You had the advantage
And never let go
Despite my needs
Your feelings never show
You may think
You are gentle
Or kind
But really you are
A shark in a pond
You don't love
You devour and spit out
Whatever you don't eat
You make it an art
Destruction's Queen
Leaving me without a heart
Without a way
To leave with any pride
You wounded my soul
And sucked it out
From the inside
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Abaddon's Compassion for Charon
"For certain is death for the born
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve." Bhagavad Gita
Greetings
My name is Abaddon
Shall you come to me?
To my room?
Where the candles are lit
I'll greet you with a kiss
For I am yours
But not as a lover
I am the angel of death
Shall you take my hand
And venture with me to Hades?
To a place the dead are waiting
To leave for their final station
They will find their lives
In the balance and will see
All they have done
In judgment
Look over at that fellow
In the boat approaching here
Upon the sorrow shores
Of the Acheron river
Soon it will confluence with the Styx
Call upon Charon
The boatsman
His labor is unrewarding
His efforts are unappreciated
And he never rests
His body becomes emaciated
And withered
But there is no vacation
For the boatsman
The rivers still flow
And the died are forever arriving
Charon
You are wounded, and tired
One day your labors will not exhaust you
And upon that day
When the creator's will is victorious
And his war is won
The dead will stop dying
Charon you will finally sleep
And as for me
My job, too, will be done
"Never the spirit was born, the spirit shall cease to be never. Never was time it was not, end and beginning are dreams." Bhagavad Gita
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve." Bhagavad Gita
Greetings
My name is Abaddon
Shall you come to me?
To my room?
Where the candles are lit
I'll greet you with a kiss
For I am yours
But not as a lover
I am the angel of death
Shall you take my hand
And venture with me to Hades?
To a place the dead are waiting
To leave for their final station
They will find their lives
In the balance and will see
All they have done
In judgment
Look over at that fellow
In the boat approaching here
Upon the sorrow shores
Of the Acheron river
Soon it will confluence with the Styx
Call upon Charon
The boatsman
His labor is unrewarding
His efforts are unappreciated
And he never rests
His body becomes emaciated
And withered
But there is no vacation
For the boatsman
The rivers still flow
And the died are forever arriving
Charon
You are wounded, and tired
One day your labors will not exhaust you
And upon that day
When the creator's will is victorious
And his war is won
The dead will stop dying
Charon you will finally sleep
And as for me
My job, too, will be done
"Never the spirit was born, the spirit shall cease to be never. Never was time it was not, end and beginning are dreams." Bhagavad Gita
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Love
Symphony bursting
Concert sounds alive
A moment in the night
You woke me
Met me there
And I didn't think I'd survive
Your love so fierce
Powerful
Filling the hours
You never stopped
Nor backed down
After showing me
Forever
Concert sounds alive
A moment in the night
You woke me
Met me there
And I didn't think I'd survive
Your love so fierce
Powerful
Filling the hours
You never stopped
Nor backed down
After showing me
Forever
Friday, December 26, 2014
The Last Saxon
Hereward the Wake
Last man of Saxon Blood
To rise against the Normans
Did his efforts matter
Did his efforts linger
In the past did he plant a seed
That grew into a forest
Was it a fallacy
A rebellion that echoed
To the present
Or was his life just fodder
A life snuffed out
And crushed by the day
One cannot easily change
The course of a river
But one life can lead
Many to change together
And lead to rebellion
One saying no is the beginning
Hereward was that one
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Lifeless Living
Endless tears
And silent screams
Since you've left
I cannot escape
In the depth of an abyss
A pit laid out before me
A torture self induced
My flesh is sorrow kissed
Without your love to redeem
A plague of misery
How tightly woven
My soul was to you
To come undone is to destroy
All I am
And my dreams stolen
For you were all I longed for
You were all I desired
And now there is nothing
Left of me
Now knowing
Nothing worth saving
Nothing
But plague dust
And fallen dreams
Dried tears
And memories
Ill becoming
A dead man
Left breathing
Without life in his body
And silent screams
Since you've left
I cannot escape
In the depth of an abyss
A pit laid out before me
A torture self induced
My flesh is sorrow kissed
Without your love to redeem
A plague of misery
How tightly woven
My soul was to you
To come undone is to destroy
All I am
And my dreams stolen
For you were all I longed for
You were all I desired
And now there is nothing
Left of me
Now knowing
Nothing worth saving
Nothing
But plague dust
And fallen dreams
Dried tears
And memories
Ill becoming
A dead man
Left breathing
Without life in his body
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
In My Father's Castle
I sipped from the gobletThat held the wine of life
It was glorious
The taste of the vintage
Of the grapes of the vine
Grown especially for this day
Never again would it be known
This taste
Nor would I know
Another like it
I drank without shame
For in my father's castle
There was only splendor
There was no fear of want
There was never a day of need
In my father's castle
There was only knowledge of perfection
The walls were built with excellence
Every stone laid with precision
Every corner a perfectly fit
The riders from the horizon
Could see the towers
From the towers the banners rippled
In the winds
The banners drew from every countryman
Pride and love
For our father was a good king
And he loved us and provided
In every way imaginable
Some mock our loyalty
Some say we are not free
They are wrong however
We have the greatest freedom
We chose to be loyal
We chose to be in service
In return we are given
All that we need
All that we want
And more
We are part of the legends
Greater than our own lives
We become part of a story
Woven of steel
And we are part of a legacy
Rich in truth, and lore
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