Raise the Banner

To be a hero
Doesn't require muscles
Doesn't require danger
It only requires honor
And courage
And loving
Your neighbor
This world
Our nation
Crumbles
With every second
We ignore
The broken
The hurt
The wounded
So gaze
Into the eyes
Of a society
Built on lies
If we believe
Then we must
If we love
We must trust
We must carry
We must bring
Water to the thirsty
Hope to the hopeless
Voice to the voiceless
Choice to the choiceless
It is all we have to do
To bring the world to you
If one is wronged
We all are wronged
If one is cheated
We all are so
So then
We shall fight
The wrongs in this world
Together
Lift the banner
Above the burning clouds
Forever
And march into the fire
Carrying the burden
Of society's burning ire
It is time
Now or never
Live what we know
Or die silently
Damning all of them
To a permanent funeral
By our hand
By our refusal
It is time
To be
Who we are

Final Goodbye

Even in exile
I still prayed for you
Bones and flesh inside
Shaking in pain
It took the entire
Of my life
The solitude
Could be a bitter river
Of tears
But I still tried
You never saw him
You only wished to know
You had an inkling
But that was all
And yet
I was broken
And you made me walk
I was poor and you charged me
The other would not work
And you gave him my money
You didn't know me
Didn't want to
And if I miss you
It isn't from what you left behind
It was from
All I was missing inside
From the solitude
And exile
I survived
I prayed for you
And never heard
Until the last time
You spoke to me
But now I have mine
To still love
And give every moment
Every ounce
Every thought
Every deed
To him
Because you
Didn't give it to me
The chain was broken
But it began again
The ravens left the tower
But as soon as morning broke
They returned at the break
Of the dawn's earliest hour
You chose my solitude
And I am trying
To understand
But you died
Before we could
Figure each other out
So I am still
Left with the doubts
Ever child has
Without the time
Without the care
Without the hugs
When they aren't told
They are worth
Being loved

For the person who this is written to, who spent my life doing his best, but failing me until he helped my wife and I have our child.  And for my son, Jonathan, because he is my world.  And for my wife who gave my son.

This Long Journey

I've known
You were there
Conception to death
I have been aware
Of your presence
I cannot walk upon water
Following you
I have mal de mer
But I have kept walking
Intercession from my flesh
I offer unto your ear
I hope to escape
This abscess, this absence
I offer a prayer
Thus far unspoken
God I have walked
Until my feet have no skin
Until my being loses motion
But I refuse to allow sin
To keep me from you
But I am surely broken
I am close though
I can feel your touch
Soft upon my brow
And your whisper
Quiet upon my heart
I am near the end
Of this long journey
And only because
You have been with me
Have I endured

Absurdity in my heart

Being with you was so torturous to my soul
Although I loved you and gave you control
My dreams will always grieve for you
My dreams will always long for the truth
That you are the one I desire
You bring my heart its fire



Every moment without you I sorrow
Every day without you I grieve
You are the one I desire
You are the source of my soul's fire
You are why I believe
I am prepared, qui vive, for you

You told me that You loved me
Then you said that you were leaving
You told me that I was the one you love
But that you couldn't stop the bleeding
I am left behind without even a word
That can help me understand
Why or how or, ... this is so absurd

I Dream, I Seek, Because She is There

https://www.flickr.com/photos/16230215@N08/

Because of who she is
I seek her
Wherever she roams
Whether it is in the waking
Or the dreaming
For now she is in
The dreaming realm flying
Upon a winged steed

Or being worshiped
As the goddess she is
She flits about in forests
And dances upon
Ballroom floors of castles
Her merciful glory is what others seek

   In that realm of sleep

The beings who dwell there
So magical and amazing
They are fantastical

But already they acknowledge her

As being far greater

Than they are
Despite all of their celestial origins

She is their magnificent queen

Beautiful yes but more

She is their star

They orbit about her

Following and desiring to serve

She is the center of existence

I am not worthy 

But of course

I am moved

Whatever realm I am in

I seek her there

Because I long for her

And desire her

And wish to be

Fulfilled

She is a river

Of the purest water

And I am thirst

She is sleep 

And I am exhaustion

How I long for her

Like Clockwork

When the steady rain falls I experience comfort
My mind purrs, and the white noise is welcome
My maker created nature
Now nature is my redeemer and provides succor

And I am able to draw strength from it

I know nothing is without purpose, and place
I accept that I am part of the system, the machine
And I recognize how small I am, and easy to replace
Who am I? within the gears of this clockwork
I do not know,  I only know my name

My DNA is neither special, nor extraordinary
The world is made of meat, clay, and wind
Someday when I die I will become dust
And my shell will slowly be spread by the breeze
Why am I here?  Only to learn, to become, to be

Upon my death, and my becoming dust
I will drift, and land in every corner of the earth
Without prejudice float across the land
It doesn't matter any more then, where
I belong to two different realms
This one
And the other of my maker

The Kin in the Valley

 Part 1

Above the valley a green canopy, a covering of sorts
Below, a living world, a graceful land with foliage
Seemingly untouched by humans, or their kin, it was thick
Buzzing with life, within that land were a folk who thrived
This magnificent paradise, glorious and beautiful,
Without compare it was hidden from view, and alive
Everything there was new, uncorrupted
Nothing there decayed, nothing turned to rot
It was a joyful place where artisans, musicians, would seek
A legacy wrought
There, the kin had lived more than 30 generations
The language spoken by the folk was nuanced, unique
Separated from other human folk
They still pursued higher thought
The surrounding wildlife and foliage and folk
Formed a certain symbiotic bond
If not disturbed, the symbiotic link
Would never stop
And the kin would live in a world
Where the generations would follow
The same traditions
With the same joy
Without end

An Irish Warrior Queen

Her lineage was noble
From a family of leaders
She knew her kin was different
But she was curious, kind
And she crept into my heart
But I didn't realize
She was dangerous, even wild
She was neither tamed nor soft
But then she walked into my heart
And I had to have her at any cost
Flame red hair could not match
The fire inside passion of her ire
Her anger when stoked in battle
Her love when struck was fire
Her mind was bright and powerful
Her heart beat the warrior's drums
She wore a Queen's demeanor
And walked as if she owned a kingdom
From the first
I knew, I was unworthy of her
She became woven in my soul
And my heart had no defense
As she took complete control
  
^ROMANS-12:9  
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."

Whenever I write poems about love and how I love my wife, people say how lucky I am.  But while I might be, I write about what I hope, regarding my beloved.  I try to follow the verse I mention above, because, why believe the worst in people?  You move further in life hoping and believing in people than assuming bad things.  My wife is great, she is a warrior, an Irish Scots Canadian who gave me my son.  She has red hair, and was my best friend before she was the person who my heart realized was my future bride.  Not much about marriage is easy, but after 27 years (June 11, 1988) I hope we've had enough lessons in love to draw from to know how to go forward. 

A commentary upon life

Floating in the depths of space
Without aim or propulsion
My life
A vacuum of disgrace
With no intentions or plans
Life has been a disaster
Existence was a bitter taste
Left from false hopes and shame
Yes, existence left me shattered
Convinced that nothing mattered
I begged God to let me die:
To erase every last trace
Of my being
Because I am nothing
And never will be

Joining Danse, Mom Dancing in Heaven

I endured
My self inflicted torture
A peculiar torment
To my shame
Instead of living
I spent my life dreading the moment
When you would pass from this place
And in the end
I was not ready
And I could not have imagined the pain
Nothing could have prepared me
For the grieving
For the guilt of being
Left behind
Without you














 
Loving you
Not having you here
My heart is breaking
To this day
Every day
Nothing relieves me
Not even the belief
That redeems me
And now
My memory
Creates a ghost of you
And I am ever
Lingering
In the echo
Of your being
In my existence















My heart is stubborn
Sorrow filled
I've not yet accepted
Your passing
But God doesn't require
My acquiescence to his will
But I am in a place still
Where I neither live
Nor die
My will is stubborn
Cannot accept
Because I am
Missing the person
Who was my life
For so long

The smallest twist of the knife, Destiny

I don't believe in fate or destiny
I believe in doing what is
In your heart, what is right
And I knew I loved you
I did, it burned inside me relentlessly
You didn't
And needed to be convinced
I had to pursue
You needed to acquiesce
How could you know that it hurt
Like the rejection of every other in my life
The number?
Countless 
Maybe you knew best
Your initial rejection
Your reaction on target
But for me
A tragedy, comedy
With that, the smallest twist of the knife
Let me die God, just kill me
I begged God to redeem me
Of all my sorrows
But I still grieve
I love but with every moment
I fear the new rejection
Despite trusting you
I expect it to end
And me to be
Alone

Break my Chains, Lord I Sing

As a child I never
Ever had an issue
Believing
The sorrows of life
Then
Tore from me
Wounded me
Stole from me
The joys of my salvation
I went through grieving
I remember then
But now
I believe without guile
Allow my heart
To sup upon joy
I enter this den
Of the dreams so wild
Untamed freedoms start
A man returns to boy
You free my spirit
You free my being
I sing to heaven
Can't you hear it
I am free again
Just as before
Oh my heart is beating
It keeps repeating
The song that never ends
I praise you
For
You
Saved
Me

The Completed Puzzle

“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction”  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I see the future
In her
I remember the past
With her
I am ready to be
Hers
Forever
I smell the perfume
and I know her scent
I hear her voice
and my heart skips a beat
She comes in the room
My spirit enters ascent
She leaves me no choice
and I know I am complete
I surrender
I give in
Give you my heart
You hugged
The child within me
You loved
From the beginning
So let's start
Being free together
In our lives forever
From this point on

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”  Antoine de Saint-Exupery
    

Sacrificial dreams

Beginning my journey
My way was so hard
And my path so difficult to see
I sought the truth
While I walked the path
I grew exhausted
And my flesh
Was so very weak
The burning fires
The sacrifices
The wooden pyres
All the rising smoke
From burnt dreams
Lost futures and fools
Like me who never see
I spent my life living upon hope
Falling into a pit of despair
Because I knew
A certain kind of the truth
But not another and hope is a liar
I knew there was nothing here
Temporal, in the present world
That I should expect
Nothing was ever promised
But to be born, and to live
And to die
Eventually my proof
In the moment of truth
I would choke
Push back the bitter tears
Of those broken dreams
That never lived
I shall surely die

My flesh is weak
Truth is hope too
This life is far too short for some
For others, far too long
But the promise of forever is strong
My spirit is eternal
And I have that for the beyond

“Whatever you do, make it an offering to me -- the food you eat, the sacrifices you make, the help you give, even your suffering.”  Bhagavad Gita

"The tyrant dies and his rule is over; the martyr dies and his rule begins."   Søren Kierkegaard

White Swan

I have only to see her 

Gliding across the surface

In that moment 

I am spellbound by her grace

She has stolen my heart 

By her face 

Her gentleness and beauty

And eyes so large

Move me in ways

I am unable to explain

While the words escape 

My heart grows towards her

Her movements are liquid

Her being is poetic

And it crushes me

My tears begin to swell in my eyes

Because her graceful movements are pure

And I have nothing to offer but praise

And that is not enough

To show her

Ever

Words always fail

Always in the moment

It is not enough to express

Never enough to show my heart

A brief interlude with thoughts, Shakespeare, pics, and comments.

Sometimes I get tired of people not understanding why I try.  Being called TOO sensitive, or TOO dark, or TOO much this or too much that... gets to be too much.  So I thought I'd explain some things, using a wee bit of an example from a great author, about his darkest character, and life.  

God bless you all, enjoy life, or if you have other plans, don't.

The Play Hamlet 

Borrowed from Wikipedia "The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, often shortened to Hamlet (/ˈhæmlɪt/), is a tragedy written by William Shakespeare at an uncertain date between 1599 and 1602. Set in the Kingdom of Denmark, the play dramatises the revenge Prince Hamlet is instructed to enact on his uncle Claudius. Claudius had murdered his own brother, Hamlet's father King Hamlet, and subsequently seized the throne, marrying his deceased brother's widow, Hamlet's mother Gertrude."

HAMLET:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

William Shakespeare

The problem, after all with sleep, is that we might dream.  If we might dream we might aspire to dreams. If we aspire to dreams, we might try and end up failing. If you try you might fail, and if you fail that might lead to pain and sorrow.  No, it is better, isn't it, to never try.  Better to never live, never try, never breathe, or you might experience pain. This world is too hard, and the pain of it leads us to more pain.  Every path leads to pain.  Who wants that?  

I am being sarcastic. But the truth is, life is pain. And with pain being a constant, how do we address going on, in spite of the sorrow and grieving we face.  I am told all the time that I am too dark, and that I am looking at the ass end of life.  But that isn't true.  I think people do too much avoiding of the truth, and I think the truth is hard.  So, others avoid it, some deny it, some face it, and I talk about it, perhaps a lot.  

I think we have to try.  I think we have to be courageous.  And I think that means, in the heart of the storm, when it is dark, perhaps calm but deathly quiet before the final blow, we have to be persistent, and never stop trying, or we will be pulled into a vacuum of failure. I believe that Hamlet is wonderful because while he had much to dwell upon, he was rightly grieved.  How many people pay enough mental and moral attention to the world around us?  I met someone who was an active member in a couple famous environmental activist organizations, and he confessed, while being a bit drunk, that he was in them mostly to "bang hot flannel wearin' chicks".  I said, but you do good works along the way?  He said yeah, I guess.

I am not saying everyone is like that, thank God they are not.  But, I see this world, and think, we could lose everything and there are people who'd think, better luck next time.

But, my question, then, is if we blow this opportunity, if we lose this world, are we going to get another?  I don't think we will.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar?"

I long for you

"Let her kiss me with the kisses of her mouth--
for your love is more delightful than wine."
paraphrased from  Song of Solomon 1:2

My love for you is endless
My love, my lover
In the quiet of the darkness
Of this night, so very long
My dreams are not enough
In my bed you are my temptress
But for reasons that do not matter
Tonight I am alone
And the night is just a song
How I long for you
I desire your presence
In more than just my bed
I miss you so deeply
Your lips, your kisses
Heal me from the day
You pursue me with love
That is relentless
And I love for
All you are
Divided for now
But only by flesh
We will be
Together as one
I long for you
Forever I will
From my first breath
To my final
My love remains still
Forever

Colorblind Colorful World

The modern world in which I live
Has many choices that are false
It emphasizes the outside look
While ignoring the being inside
Adoring the flower,
Ignoring the root
I am more than my flesh
You are more
Than what I can see
We are excited by the storm
While hating the destruction
We are confused
My skin color is a blank slate
I can color it with sun burns
With ink or paint
And it means not one thing
My soul remains
The same color
As every other
Because the one
Who made me
Chose to do things
That way
Such a diverse array
Of choices
To broaden my thoughts
To color my heart
With love
To strengthen my soul
With dreams
That are colorblind
I praise my maker
I praise the one
Who saw every color
And made us to see
That the soul inside
Is colorblind
When he brings justice
And when he redeems

Crows Perform Their Own Mass

They've performed for the only one
That understands their obedience
Celebrating life for its own sake
Before the nightmare is begun
They conduct their own mass
Looking down from above
They stare blankly at it
A scar upon a land
It used to be fertile
It used to give life
But not now
It has become curse
A mechanical place
Gears and steel moving
Grinding and humming machines
In the midst of the desolation
A patch of green and overgrown grass
Ill kept and ignored by those it serves
But nothing lasts
Vandals or fools or unknown event
Causing devastation to the past
Tombstones pushed over
Desecrating the last sanctuary
Of the dead
Crows fly over
Hover above the cemetery
Remember
They remember
The darkest clouds
That a soul could perceive
Followed by the blackest night
The heavens have ever produced
The thunder rolling across the sky
The lightning crying out for vengeance
Every strike destroying someone's fear
Every crash of thunder
Shattering a dream
The tears of the night
The night gives birth to the day
Bleeding out the sorrows
Of our world
Inside out
Our world is flayed
Lost to our fears
Flooded in tears

Yes, You move me

You told me not to believe
And I acquiesced
For a short while
I let my hormones rule
But I was empty
After a short run
What is the point of love
Without hope
What is the point of being
Without dreams
Why be together
If all you want is sex
To me that is rather bestial
And not how I behave
Love is so much more complex
I don't understand
Why I accepted what you said
Why I acquiesced
Why I chose to be less
But I know that love is what I want
And after I reflect
If it isn't here
With all due respect
I'll be going
No matter how much
Your beauty moves me
No matter if you are in my dreams
If I am not going to love
I'd rather have nothing

Bones and lies, do not define me

What evidence can I present
That will prove my reasons
I was honest and trustworthy
I never lied, I was honorable
I did not commit treason

Still you disbelieve
You crush my body
You slander my name
Destroy my memories
Bring my house shame

Because of you I am lost
Cast into the emptied waste
Forced to suffer hunger
Forced from my lands
But I will not relent














Every choice you make
To separate me from my kin
Strengthens my resolve
And those who know me
Never questioned my honor









They never wondered
If your lies were true
So you have failed
And when my time is ripe
This ghost of the wasteland will strike

Go ahead and grieve

Grieve the loss
Of what you paid dearly to keep
But realize it was never forever
Sorrow the tomorrows you will never have
But know that, this world is temporary
The way of eternity
Is not the same
As this world
We only see the living world
And do not understand
The impermanence
Everything that has always lived
Cannot die
For the soul inside
Has always lived
And remains alive
In heaven

False King upon an Empty Throne

I might be a king
Of all I survey
I have nothing
However
To rule
I have
No land
No power
No castle
No people
I am alone
In my room
Knowing this
Means
The joke is upon me
I might as well
Be dead
Because
I can never
Accept what was done
What was said
Deeper and darker
Than any ocean depths
My soul cannot escape
The complete absence
Of light in the eyes
Which mirror
The soul
An empty hole
Vapid and sucking down
When I sit
High above it all
I look out
Over my false kingdom
And know my throne
My world
Are empty
My crown is a lobotomy
Ice picks for my eyes
And I've learned to despise
Every moment
Of breathing
I rule over nothing
I wear a crown
To symbolize
My greatness
And I am a fool
A idiot
A beggar
To ever have thought
I mattered
When just one
Ever did

Resistance

1942: Stjepan Filipovic

He was not unusual
Just one of many
Freedom fighters
Defending his land
Who was captured
By an invader
Who had demanded
Complete obedience
To their occupation
Wearing a crooked cross
Upon their shoulders
Thinking nothing
Of complete extermination
Brutal domination
Of what and who
They considered to be
The lesser man
And used every method
Including murder
To defeat the people
This one who resisted
Took his death
By hanging
As an opportunity
To defy the invader
Shouting with pride
Death to Fascism
Freedom to the People

Light within that Darkness

You called my name in the night
And I heard you
Very clearly
I answered without a thought
For I love you
You are dear to me
Let thine darkness be wrought
For I accept it
Let thine light be abundant
For I can see

I am only a child in your arms
I am ancient beyond my years
The scars upon my body
Branded from the harm I suffered
And the tears
But now, that I am safe
I can see the sun
I know you are near
Hold me
That is all I desire from you
Know me
And I will be true
For the rest of my days

My Savior

Under the sun his sweat

Co-mingles with blood

Pours from his wrists

Pain building 

Grows like a flood

Stings the pain 

From the sweat 

In the wounds

Burning reminders

That I am the reason

He hangs on that tree

I am the reason

He hangs there for me

The most perfect lamb

Offered up to die

Forgiveness comes

With blood

Of the lamb

And I am the one

I am the one

Who caused my lord

To be hung there

All the lies and sins

All my deeds

With his blood

Come undone

When They Killed The Son of God

The crown of thorns
Bleeding streams

Nailed to a cross made of wood

Stretched across the beams

 His arms supporting his body

His act healing humanity's fall
He would be misunderstood

By the Romans and the Jews

As the son of God

As the Prince of Peace

As the son of man

He committed no crime
But before the jury of elders
His innocence went unspoken
And in a crime of universal importance
He would be broken
While black clouds approached
Storms of rainfalling
He was broken

For the sins of many
The perfect lamb

Unblemished in any way

Sacrificed for all

I can't act

I am doubtless
As to the miracle
But I am also not a fool
With my first breath
I began my physical decay
The fatal disease of life
The stage play
Where I am the actor
Without directions
Without a script
And I can't act
My performance
Will bring poor reviews
Of me
But what can I do
I can't act
I can only be
What I was born for
To be me

Published on another site

The new site Cacofony published a poem I wrote

My Need for Nothing

Please go look, comment, enjoy the site.