One Finger

A confession is not in order
There is no need for discretion
Asked if I'd like to do something
With a person who is beautiful and asking
I reply that isn't the question
I wear a band upon my finger
That does not require
Definitions
I want many things
I have fervent desire
But upon my heart is written
Vows I took, written with fire

I'd give up, if I could

She said I should stop loving her
Like it is that easy
It isn't for me
It makes me suffer
To see another make her smile
She said I am not the answer
To any question she might have had
I am not the one
Who can tell her anything now
I know
Its a disaster
For my heart
Its a catastrophe for my soul
She says I should stop
And it is killing me
It is in complete control
But I love her
I can't turn it off and on
Like a switch
I can't unlearn my lines
Like an actor after a role ends
It is killing me
And nothing can console

Watching us

For the thoughtcrime
You have committed
By order of the Ministry of Truth
You are now an unperson
Due to your mind
You have acted against
The collective of humanity
And we have the proof
You are ordered to attend a joycamp
To adjust your thought
To rectify your actions
To make you trustworthy
And returned to society when
Your attitude is renewed

My heart has bled

Still now
For years since you left
I've been bleeding inside
A thorn is there
My tears bleed out
My heart cries
I keep your memories in my chest
For I was alive with you
And am dead with you away
I know you are gone
But I long to hear you say
I love you still
But you are gone
I've been undone
Fallen down
If sorrow was a person
I'd be forced to bow
For he is the king
Of my life now

Golden Fields

For my work
Bringing in the harvest
In the fields of the Praetor
I was paid handsomely
With a basket of food
The bounty of nature
The gift of our creator
So good
Fed upon this my flesh grows
But my mind is different
I hunger for knowledge
I cannot learn from books
Or listening to the senate's speaker
Rather that comes from knowing
The architect of all things
Sustaining me
In flesh and mind
And my spiritual being
So that I might serve Rome
In arms
And labor

Fair Josette, I join you now

I have walked Collinwood
I have dreamed of your face
I remember your lips
Here in the asylum
I wait
Upon the end of my rope
I twist
Fair Josette, I long for you
Your beauty
Your kiss
Fair Josette
It is you I miss

Rightly Worshipped

Wherever they are
Is my home
They are my beloveds
Without them I would be alone
Amongst my kind, in a crowd
They are kin of my heart
In the miasma of life I would drown
Without their company
They are my friends
My companions
When I sleep in their arms
I am covered in a shroud
Of their love

(For my Mischa, Simone, Katya, Sophia, Natasha, and Anton)

Anubis will greet me

When my body has expired I will then make a journey
Unlike any I've taken in life
This one is beyond all fret and worry
To the realm of Anubis
The judge of dead
All my strife and pain
All my gifts and treasures
Will I be measured as having been good
Or will I have lived for pleasure
Anubis is breathtakingly fair
For his scale is not used with bias
The judgment comes from our own life
He is there only to sort the truth
For my sins will weigh my being
My lust for things will curse my eyes
For my flesh is weak
And my flaws I will despise

Stranded

Stranded in space
My flesh begins to atrophy
Dying but cannot die
Crying but cannot cry
Screaming at me
Staring at the scene
Left after the disaster
The catastrophe
You
Yelled your insults at me
With Ribsplitter and scream
Took my heart out of the cavity
Ripped apart with a surgeon’s knife
Still bleeding held to the sky
Destroyed me with deepest love
Deepest depravity
How you knew just where to cut
I don’t know
But your words defied gravity
Entered my orbit
Emptied my world
Left me to die
In totality

Like I never existed

My name is words
Just words on paper
Words
Erase my name from the data base
Wipe your heart clean from the curse
Of ever knowing the truth
Place the blame upon me
Decide I wasn't ever worth
The time it took to say
You loved me
You needed me
You wanted me
To be someone in your life
For better or worse
I'm still here
Whether you like it
Or not

You don't change the past
By changing your views
Of how it happened

Truth Eternal

The path I walk is my own
The borderlands between faith and reason
Are not delineated by intellect or emotion
But rather by experience, vision, and hope

When I see mountains, and forests
I see the hand print of God
When I heard my son giggle in his sleep
When he was an infant, I heard angels singing

But others don't
And whatever path they roam
I hope they find something just as deep
As the depths of truth I seek
I do not judge another for his lack of belief
I have not seen what his eyes have seen
I have not walked where he has walked
I can pray that his journey ends well

It is mine, and I do with it what I please

Someone might wish to own it
Or to throw it out
But they cannot
They might wish to crush it
Or cast me in eternal doubt
About who it loves
But they cannot
Because I can love who I wish
It is mine
I do with it what I please
And I chose to love you
I do not love because you love me
I do not love because of what I can receive
By loving
I love because it is right
I am not asleep, this is not a dream
Whatever the cost
I believe
That loving you is worth
Anything

I pant for thee

My heart longs for you
My soul will pant for thee
You are shade for me
In the hottest summer day
Your love is an enormous stretch of shade
In a world without trees
You are peace for my being
You are beauty within my reach
A cold stream to soothe my flesh
From the consequences of living
Your love is a wellspring
Abundant
Sweet
Refreshing of my being
You restore my vigor
My youth
My hope
Forgiving of all my flaws
And you are my first love
My heart is moved
By your bountiful mercy
When I hear my name
Being called
By your voice
Even if it is a whisper

War without Mercy

Locked in battle, ideological foes
They could not see beyond themselves
One side made of hardened steel
The other side of iron
And the third covered in snow
They would contest the lands
Between their armies
Within their hands


Despite the obstacles between them
Bogs and marshes, rivers vast and dangerous
Winters from the coldest levels of hell
And the enemy from here to the horizen

One side promised victory
The other side said
Not a step back
Both sides endured misery

The Gray war machine versus the Soviet Red
The dead were envied by the dying
The machines and weapons used were destroyed
All the hopes and patriotic views fled

The war of two juggernauts
The clash of leviathan
Who truly won?
Both were consumed
In the hatred of each other
Lost in the haze
Of the new wars to be begun

Depression is a disease

So why don't you see comments saying how the US has a huge outbreak of sorrow, and grief?
Why don't you see comments saying we have to fight depression? We try to control it? Right.
Bunch of stuff I don't believe.

mirror shattered

Who I am
In reflection
Is a ridiculous failure
What I am
In reality
Is a broken flesh creature
Why I am
In retrospect
Is an accident of culture
For I should not even exist
I should not even be here
There is no purpose in this
There are nothing but tears

The Truth is:

I have only one thing worth keeping
I guard it like I have nothing else that matters
While I was unaware
She came and took it
I let her do it
Because I believed her when she said
She cared
And of course she didn't
She trifled with my heart and threw it back
I only have myself to blame
Because I am stupid
And I'd let her back in again

To Suffer is to Live

The future is not a promise, it is a destination
There are no guarantees of success
No equation of victory from determination
We are here, we exist
We suffer
Living is bound with many things
To suffer is certain
So I resist the urge to quit
Because the suffering is not going to stop
Nor change by the rage of anguish
It exists, and so do I
So I am going to endure
Because that is all I have that I can use
To persist




"What is the noble truth of suffering? Birth is suffering, aging is suffering and sorrow and lamentation, pain, grief and despair are suffering." Buddha

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” Buddha

las caminatas del escorpión

Across the desert sands
The killer is about to strike
The world before him demands
The lives of those in askance
A cruel unforgiving land
The scorpion walks
Taking no chances
Walking atop the dunes
Death is about to dance
With those about to pass

THE HAUNTING OF A CONTINENT

Rumors swirl about the origins
Denial strikes those supposed to lead
Fear manifests those who suffer
Babies born with disease and abandonment
What can be done for the lost
Who can save the generations
What is the final message received
What was the message sent
Feed my sheep
Love thy neighbor
Before the disease smothers
Do something
Anything to help
Or are we so deceived and bent
That we cannot see ourselves
In the destruction of another





INFORM YOURSELF

I think of you

Without a speck of regret
I think of your face
Your being
I caught your scent and remembered
Because there is no one like you
I surrendered
You were my summer
My moment of joy
My first lover
My time of growth
You were a blanket in winter
That made me warm under your cover
You were the season
The very reason
My heart pines for no other
I love you
Like no one else
I need you
You are my quest
My time of healing
My soul's succor
My soul's delight
I believed because of you
And still do
In a famine you were a supper
In darkness you gave me light
In sorrow you gave me joy
I am grateful to you
For all these things
And more

Frozen Blue

In the Atlantean depths
A society lives
Ancient and lost
Far from the surface
Far from modernity
Immune to cold
Invulnerable to frost
The depths turned their flesh blue
Citadels of glass
Spires of salt
Windows of ice
The distant world
So hidden from view
The people beneath
Follow the current swirls
Gliding at ease
The depths of water
Nearly black
Hide them from prying eyes
While they live their existence
Ancient and beautiful

The Undertaker's Death

Dying of fright
The digger of graves
Is taken himself
By a darkly dressed being
An angel of night
The winter of life over
The visions of horror seen
The portal to a new existence
The last image captured
Fear captured in a silent scream



Carlos Scwhabe La mort du fossoyeur

Masks

Not for disguise rather for safety
We despise the future
That we made
The oblivion we create
A force majeure
Nature retaliates
Humans desecrate
The land we've been given

to dream of things

She thought of the worlds she could visit
If only she could make sleep come
She wanted to go where she could fly
In spirit
Where dreams never ended, only were begun
She was too distracted though
To focus on the nether world
Because the present
Waking one
Is so hard to forget
Even when you are tired
To the point of sle...

It occurs to me to ask

What the hell were they thinking?
What were they smoking?
What were they drinking?
To think mutual destruction was a plan
To think that annihilation was a choice
To destroy all of humankind
Over any dispute?
Over any boundaries of land?
What the hell were they thinking?

Abyss

For every thought there is a womb holding it, nurturing it
For every wound there is a thought remembering it,
Furthering it
Going further insane
We are prone to decay
To betray our better instincts
By slipping into an abscess of infection
An abyss without affection
A mirror without reflection
We remember everything

"In every word, there is an abyss of space, every word is limitless." Gogol

"There are people who exist in this world not like entities but like the speckles or spots on something. " Gogol

Wild and beautiful

Let no one mistake nature as gentle and kind
But also, know, then, it is as beautiful as it is wild
Every tree has grown watching
The struggle to survive
Where the great hunt is meant to cull the weak
To test the will to be alive
No, nature is not cuddly and warm
It is a system of kill or be killed
Grow greater at the expense of another
But nature is honest about it
Unlike humans

In the pit Tartarus

Beneath Hades realms
It lays
Deeply within the cosmic chaos
Even Orcus and Pluto avoid it
For the realm of Tartarus is beyond them
Human sinners sent to be punished fear their fate
And the titans and gods among them too
Know the place
Is beyond their ability to perceive
How loathsome and fearful it will be
Rising hands from the lava
Ringing voices screaming in pain
None can understand the mastery
The devotion to punishment
Of Tartarus' reign

This Island

We might be unique
We might be alone
We live amongst an ocean of stars
Living upon our island
Blue and beautiful
Scarred by our hand
We have one chance
We have one world

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To make it last
Or exhaust it
A blue planet
With a star covered horizon
This is all there is
Just the one
We can live
Or enter oblivion





Yuri Gagarin



"What beauty. I saw clouds and their light shadows on the distant dear earth.... The water looked like darkish, slightly gleaming spots.... When I watched the horizon, I saw the abrupt, contrasting transition from the earth's light-colored surface to the absolutely black sky. I enjoyed the rich color spectrum of the earth. It is surrounded by a light blue aureole that gradually darkens, becoming turquoise, dark blue, violet, and finally coal black."

So cold

Being washed away in the rain of a cold April day
Standing exposed to the weather outside
While my heart contemplates suicide
But I won't
Hell I already tried
It scares me
But the truth is
There is nothing left inside

Vodka and cigarettes

There wasn't anything I could tell her
She'd already heard it all before
Her heart was broken and scattered
Bits and pieces of her were on the floor
She had trails of mascara down her cheeks
She cried so much over him
But she didn't love him like she thought
She loved her vodka much more


She smoked cigarette after cigarette
Saying she'd quit tomorrow
But her heart was already crushed
Like every cigarette in that ashtray
She was utterly filled of sorrow



She loved her vodka and cigarettes
But they were just fillers for her soul
She'd lost her chance to be normal
And let small things take control
She was beautiful
Yet tragic
Sad yet defiant
Thoughtless but brilliant
Frightened but bold
Her eyes were fire
But her heart was cold
She could make men hot with desire
But she was broken inside
Love had taken its toll

Terminus Determination

My mother was raped on New Year's Eve
My path was determined very early
The year 1963 meant that I'd be born
Instead of cast out
But there are more ways than the obvious
Through the sorrow of the moment
In which I was conceived
I was still a cast out emotionally
There would be
No decisions on how to be a being
No reminders of how it could be
Somewhere else
Life is all there was
I was exposed to the elements
And I couldn't choose not to be
All there was was me
One heartbeat reminded me
That I was meant to exist
But this life without hope
Has to cease
Terminus determination
Complex choices
I resist the attempts
At the starvation of emotions
The retaliation
Of the notion that
I should or could be loved
There is no guarantee
That I will find them
But it doesn't mean
I shouldn't try

Alone Here

We welcome change
Invite difference
Just to break the boredom
Of being alone
We wonder aloud
In the silence
Of the world we have
Where is everyone
Who might look like us
What stars offer hope
To break the ennui
What changes must come
To bring the cycle to some conclusion
We listen intently
Waiting and hoping
To find ourselves
No longer alone
But we have no ability
To do more than listen
So all we have
Is hope

Boom!

Two ancient peoples
Two different destinies
Nuclear ambitions
And fear and lies
No reason to trust
No desire to die
Fatal decisions
Lead to mutual suicide

The Sound of Victory

We waited
And he returned
In victory
Having freed the slaves
Having rescued the prisoners
Having given his word
That he would be back
The King is back
Crowned anew
The horizon is bright
The land glistens with dew
We see the hope
It has been given
We see the victory
And hear the trumpets
Blown in triumph
Our hearts are free
For the King is with us
We dance in celebration
We are forgiven
We are redeemed

Khafren is Great

Child of Horus
The avenging son
Of Osirus
Beloved of Hathor
Lived in an age
Without recorded event
But we know his achievements
By the glory of his tomb
Found in Giza



How great he must have been
To achieve such a thing
As to create a memory
In stone
For our known history

Which is it?

Do we see it and not believe it
Or, do we see it and we don't care
The question is very important
Because we have no excuses to say
We never knew about this
We can't believe how bad it really is
The world has had war
We've counted the losses
We've sung songs of mourning
We've honored the dead
But we still go to war
No matter how exquisite the pain is
We continue
We just get better at it
And the photos of the results don't shock us
We must not care
To continue in this spirit

Beneath the Dust

Waves of dust
From the earth that was opened
By plows and man
For farming
The land would not be tamed

Lives were changed
When the earth reclaimed
The wind and water
For itself


Lives were tossed
Into the whirlwind
Of life
By the dust that rose
Colored black


And no amount of hope
No amount of prayer
Brought back the days
As they were before
The exodus began
And never stopped

just another day

They say to be thankful for what you got
Because someday it might be gone
What I have now is time
And some sort of peace of mind
That I am not owned
I lost my main source of employment
I lost my wife the same day
Even my dog wanted to be with her
So I went back to the life I'd left
On the Fly, sometimes Padding the hoof
I ain't gonna do any stemming
But I ain't gonna do something to get me jailed
So I do what I can to get by
Trying to stay alive
Avoiding Johnny Law
Don't need to be respectable
I have my California blankets
Still looking though for my own slice
I am good with a shovel
And my shoes are thin soled but
They are still without holes
This life is my proof
That a man has to go his own way
Or bow before another
To earn a wage