Visit me in my dreams

Losing the only one, who could make my pain fade
One who first saw my future, before I'd even known
The breath slips from my body, it hurts to even be
First I lost my heart and then I went full on insane
Because there was only you, the only one to show
Hope for my being, you allowed me to just dream
Life has no guarantees, joy was never promised
But you were my forever promise to keep
With you I was forgiven, I could be honest
Now I can only see you, when I sleep
I still love, and a dream is not enough

Time to Rise

Time is a river, one having no beginning or end
Forever endless, being without a point of origin
A message delivered, existence leads to ascent
We've this one life, but our soul is permanent
Lessons of existence have to be lived to know
To find our empathy and allow wisdom to grow
So rise above the abyss below, rise, rise

without an end

If in life I've no chance, if life is a random circumstance
What's the point of survival, as I wait for death's arrival
The world before me lost and I'm cursed like an albatross
My life beyond the earth, God calls me to break the curse
There's nothing I'll take with me, you can't convince me

Life Moves On

Our lives pass so swiftly, you cannot see them fly
These ages of our life, appear as minutes of time
There's nothing we can do to slow the progress
I live, breathe, and pray, live in the present
What can anyone do, but exist and persist
Both flaws and miracles we'll not resist
I will stand, waiting for my moment
The end comes, as life moves on
And we've no say in the matter

The Final Test

I can't pay the bill, it is a cost I can't afford
My life is far too expensive and worthless
I have nothin', keep paying more, yes more
You'd think, wouldn't you, there'd be more
Than I've ever found, and exactly what for
What is there, what is there, nothing at all
And it burns hot inside me, inside my core
I wonder if there's ever been a point of this
If the moments of joy ever equal the despair
If the times of triumph will outlast my defeat
Sooner or later, in that moment I find hope
The mortician arrives, in black suit and hat
He says he is coming to take me home
In the end, all I will do is laugh, at last
In emptiness we've nothing but existence
Ready, at last, and I've finished the test
I have answers to the questions I asked

All in exchange for forever

Collisions

Through the thick of the forest
All the watchers stare intently
As sandals, armor and banners
Move slowly and loudly there
The empire has a solid frontier
Civilization and the wild lands
Here two worlds will collide
Such a swift flood of violence
It is a continuing catastrophe
With the blood as a sacrifice
Offered up to the silent gods
Who seem to desire death
Of all of the humans alive
Like winter ice, it is thick
The sorrow is useless
Waves of pain, of cold
Watching the slaughter
Upon the false altars
Makes anyone sick
To see the waste
To see the loss

The difference

The fear of loss is no different than the loss
Dreading the cost, is not different from the cost
Worrying brings you nothing, nothing but misery
The mother has pains of birth, with a mystery
How does such pain reward so deeply with life
We don't deserve the innocence of children
But we don't deserve the pain of getting older
We learn lessons, we cherish, we forgive
But we all get old and will die
You only live once, so just live

Gone

It wasn't at all your fault, it was over
She couldn't take more of the disease
It took her down, violently, no mercy
Alone, she was my hope and dream
But the world showed her no grace
Stole everything she loved, and more
I had no voice, broken, unchosen
All my screams silent, unspoken
She lost her fight, but now is healed
And now she has wings, soars
I was given up, and she took me in
Made sure I felt love, healed me
Alone waiting, in a crib, alone
I heard God bless him, she lifted me
Took me to her heart, and never
Never once let go and I miss her
More than I can even know or feel

I once Dreamed

I was needing but never finding
I was bleeding from my inside
My life was fading in my mind
With nothing left but to dream
There, in that place, I could be
All that ever I needed to be
But life itself has demands
It seeks to judge and damn
So live beyond that life's reach
And find all the joy that you seek

The Revolution Begins now

In a world of machinations, we're asleep
The system of social control is insidious
There is no silence, until it is required
By their order, all of the secrets will keep
Telling us to choose by voting for idiots
The system wants you to listen to liars
Never question their ideas and promises
There's nothing but slavery in their mind
You're but sheep, and quiet accomplices
But with your voice choose to decide
Awaken sleepers it is finally your time
You've nothing to lose, but darkness
A future is lost, but not for all others
Your children and their own, will pay
So remove the power that smothers
Or be prisoners and wage slaves
So awaken sleepers, arise
And sacrifice your present
For your children to rise

The Memory Lost

The blood pumped looks like the darkest ink
A heart's beat, struggles with a vacuum inside
You forgot that the love you had was distinct
With hope, you built a moment without time
And with no memory, you lose your direction
A day ends with the perfect kind of rejection
Sleep closes your eyes, and you fall far away
Resting in a realm where night conquers day

Wherever I Land

I am spending my life in this madhouse
An asylum for the insane and the broken
I've been dying by the inch and by feet
This world offers no solace, only doubts
I scream your name, but I am unchosen
I might climb a tower and fall to the street
But no one would notice, and then only find
An annoyance of stepping out of the way
Of a man dying from a toxic state of mind
Acting, believe, trust, love upon the stage
There is nothing but now, and the divine

Before the Court of One

When I stand before my God on judgment day, I'll be asked, why shouldn't you go to Hell
I'd stand honestly and say, I should.
But for your mercy and grace given to me. Ideological statements can become disasters.
No speaking false words to the ultimate being.
I'm not better than others, I fail daily, but know I'm not going to lie. So pointless
I am not inviting death, not want it but we all do so at a point.
So let me forever be ready!
Here I come

please forgive me

When I am dying, crying for a reason to stay
I can't, lost too much time, I'm not the same
The world asks why, the truth is no one knows
My end will be the proof, the years show
They'll look at me, and wonder, quietly
Then ask how old I was when I died
I can't remember, happened so long ago
 Asking why I've been so tired
Why are they asking the recently dead
When they have the proof in their own hand
A coffin lined with lead, then set me down
A rectangular cold hole covered in dirt
Where I'll not hear another sound
The dead can't hear the noise
Made by those still living
But the flaws of the lost
Can still be felt, dealt with
Maybe I can be forgiven
Please let me be forgiven

Breakdown

I don't hurt like Cash or Trent
But I hurt in my own fashion
I will die, without any regrets
Because life became a machine
Without my feelings, no desires
The cold sprockets and the wire
All sparks carried with purpose
But I am lost, my flesh is done
My pain is a losing daily fight
While steel can prevent damage
I am made of a different form
No purpose since my life begun
I'm broken, my regrets unspoken
Unchosen, abandoned, rusting
Junk cast into the masses
For melting and reform
My purpose was to die
And in that, I couldn't even try

Unknown but to God

She waits, alone, cold and abandoned
Unknown but to God and by shadows
Her fears are deep, well more than ours
She has seen all of her loved ones pass
Fading into darkness, never return again
She knows, and she can stare for hours
But the pain and fears will always last
That darkness can only grow in power
Without any love to comfort her days
A pain inside her will always remain
We'll all say I wonder why she was lost
Did she have anyone else, no one said
A single word, not even for well being
When she was alive, and never seen

Entombed

I sleep more than I live, but never dream
No hope without love, without a heart
But I'm prepared to see myself go extinct
As I watch rains stop and the falling stars
I hunger for a world that is not an addict
To the pain and anger, that shames us
And makes us fail, in every single way
We all suffer, self inflicted wounds
And by our hands, we burn the earth
We've damaged our mother's womb
So is it alive, are we still cursed?
With no choices, who decides our fate?
Who gets to choose, it is getting late
So I stare at my watch, praying
Longing for a world to change
Knowing if there's no hope
Earth will become our tomb

“The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the
last resource of those who know not how to dream.”
                                                             Oscar Wilde

In a Holy Place

I'd walked in a certain kind of daze
Watching about me for dark clouds
Convinced everything would end
But in Elysium, you will never age
I was living, where joy was allowed
Waiting for the message to be sent
To bring me back, in the flesh cage
The days from youth to aged
All have passed by so fast
As my God lives, I'm in the shroud
One that all the dead are buried in
I'll live forever, in this holy place
When I see you, we'll embrace
For Heaven is our home, at last

Sometimes

I wonder at times, as I absolutely believe in God
When I'm confused I ask does God believe in me
Some might think the question I ask is quite odd
But truth doesn't always and rarely make sense
I know I'm a fool, I have problems with anxiety
I shouldn't be so worried, if I'm secure in belief
But my life is an accident, a stain, without piety
Maybe God believes in me, wishing he did not
God is merciful, I pray he'll let me visit him
And maybe let me stay in the realm of Heaven

No Regrets?

There are times when you do something stupid, and immediately cringe and feel crushed
Then other times when you make mistakes that are not moral failings and you feel nothing
My life is filled with mistakes, I was born a mistake, lived as one, but I have zero regrets
Sometimes because you were foolish but not mean or stupid, other times you falsely trusted
I make mistakes, not proudly, but learn from them, and try to ultimately thereafter forget
Because whatever I've done, it wasn't with malice, it was with bad judgment, and idiocy
So to you, the ones I hurt, I am sorry, to you those I could not do what you wished, sorry
Ultimately, if you are someone I loved but couldn't act upon even as I needed the intimacy
I have no regrets, for you showed me and gave me something I was not receiving then
And if I had nothing but honor, I had to live upon that, which isn't done easily

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” Kahlil Gibran

Alex Ness 2023©

fini

Je suis fini. Il n'y a pas de confort dans la folie. Il n'y a que du chagrin
All of my life's hope has been spent like a rich man upon a spree
Why bother living, if the madness leaves you without any dreams
I'm finished, I find nothing to embrace, all I want is to escape my skin
The pain is grave and my skin turning blue, I can't do this, again
I want to feel as though my spirit is untamed, let it be free

to exist nonetheless

To people unwanted, believed unneeded

The broken hearted, hiding in the corner

Those who don't matter, we'll be removed

Ultrasounds may lead to choice of abortion
Done early, we'll not be considered human

However we do exist, wanted and needed
We are yet human, living, thinking beings

If perhaps only in a maker's heart and mind

Old watching Young

I watched you as a child running free
I cried when you fell, but you got up
You saw the world from innocent eyes
Not yet broken by all the world's lies
But it was waiting, it does for all of us
We're never ready for it to show its face
It will, count upon it, behind our trust
Until we stop and turn, it gives chase
I linger in the moment of your youth
Because it is golden, but ends in dust

That Tiny Old Lady who Loved me

My mother died in 2012, and her voice still echoes in my void
The darkness left behind in her absence is a blanket of my soul
She took me in through adoption, I was blessed by her choice
This would be her 97th birthday, and I miss hearing her voice
Whoever hears this plea let her know, if you happen to see her
I'd give anything to see her again, because alone I've no future
Learned how to behave, fulfill promises, careful how I choose
Her life was one of kindness, labors for others, and the truth

I miss you mother, and nothing will take away the sting of the loss.

You are Why

Your love has always healed me
Your trust has given me strength
Your caring heart gives me hope
The world outside isn't my judge
And you help me survive the fire
I've been broken, lost the path
If I've been hurt, felt the wrath
I've the will to go on to the end
You are my heart's endless fire
And I love everything you are
You heal me with a single kiss
With strength to heal from scars
You are why I love, why I trust
You are why I even exist

Empty pockets, Full hearts

There was nothing, we had only our hope to guide us
Broken hearts that screamed, we learned hard lessons
Inside our spirits called out, and asked to be forgiven
It doesn't matter how much we have, but for our love
The world will hate us, the enemy will even deride us
Our failures seem too large to overcome, by Heaven
But if we forgive and move forward, we begin living
And I heard you call then I knew I could finally trust