No Defense Against

A dance
A cheerful waltz
We interact and try to follow
The world struggles with finding peace
When all they need to do is stop making war
How ironic that one must fight for peace
And that peacemakers are mocked
And given bleeding wounds covered in salt
When did wanting hope and believing in peace
Become so passe
So foolish
So false?

Give up and go

Best to leave
Time to go
Nothing left to give any hope
The world is fading from view
Nothing at all to believe in
Nothing left to be true
So I am leaving
Saying goodbye to you
Rising oceans
Falling walls
Nothing remains
Nothing is truth
Hate
Pain
Fear
Wait for the hungry
And they are sent away
With empty stomachs
Empty souls
Vacant eyes
As this world
Commits suicide

Weaknesses are Redeemed

In words unspoken
In prayers yet to find voice
I am still to raw and broken
For you to explain
How can I rejoice
In my brokenness I hear the tears
You sing to me, God
And I regret those choices
And living in fear
You call to me
And I am alive inside
Even with the dead flesh
You have made me breathe
I, for you blew the fire into me
And I have to rejoice
For you have washed me
And I have come to know you
And in my weakness
Redeemed
All I that have gone through

She is

Her beauty strikes me like a storm
The boughs of trees bend
The foliage parts to bow
Her form like art
She is perfect in figure
And majestic in form
She is a moment
When the wind delivers
A scent of jasmine
Her lips so lush
My heart warms
Stirs my passion
Her skin so porcelain
Her hair like fire
My heart burns
My fears warn
But there is no stopping the rush

Dedicated
L.ailujot

Time is indifferent

bestial slaughter of the indigene
scars of hate build
red tides form
dead whales wash ashore
the slaughter of the bison
genocide of the Armenians
humans making endless war
unobserved by time
as the sands ever sift through fingers
time has no master
death is as birth
continuous and ever present
no damnation lingers
children born
elderly die
time continues to pass
close your eyes
the new born replace
the elders
time makes no notice
Rwanda
The Holocaust
Time churns on
Ocean fisheries collapse
The globe melts
Time pays no mind
We are dust
Soon we will pass
And time will be no different
Indifferent to our struggle
It grinds on

Take Me Today Oh Lord of the Harvest

There is only one who knows how the heart seeks
For loneliness is a pain without relief
I sorely miss the lost who left
And their absence leaves me bereft
I am within a circle of life
Closer to the end, the harvest is ripe
Without fear I am ready for the act
The harvest is a most holy task
I await the blade, the edge is sharp
I await the harvest, and offer my heart
Take me today
Oh Lord
Take me I pray

“If you are too lazy to plow, then you should never expect a harvest.”― Proverb 20:4

Time with Counting

I can barely think for the screaming pulse
Of my blood going through me
My heart becomes atomic
I've always been rational rejecting impulse
But my eyes see you and dream
I sweat like I'm in the tropics

You are my heart's desire
You are my soul's fire
God save me from myself
And God from your wrath
Yes I am a liar
But I never lie about love
These tidings are dire
And I'll never escape
This day

I find my body powered as by lightning
From the thrill in my mind
My flesh feels the power
My fears fall away as my courage is rising
I see the present like there is no time
And I have only this single hour

Take my hand, Let us Dance

Take my hand
And follow the music
A glorious rhythm
We are made for one another
A moment with you I am in dreamland
Your movements are fluid
And I am having ecstatic visions
My future is with you as my lover
So let us dance

Unrequited beauty

You are beautiful
You move me
Your form is musical
Your beauty quite unique
But I'm not one
To give you love in return
I am not the one
Who should lay with you
Even if my passion burns
Should I come undone
When you cross my path
My heart is not tempted
For I fear loss
Of all I have
To trade for a ghost
Being with you in any way
Introduces my soul to wrath
And I feel ashamed
So please understand
Whatever you feel towards me
Please do not forget
I will not choose to leave
All I am and who I love
For moments of bliss
And a lifetime of regret

A heart so pure

Standing here
The four who survived
We are what is left
Our quest took the rest of us
To a realm beyond our eyes
The danger of a quest
So truly found in the battle
But just as often in the pain
Of losing one's hope
Losing one's friends
And giving up just before
Reaching the very end
We pray
We sleep
We give our hearts
For the king to keep

To Drink and Become Healed

Our hearts became cold
And though we pray
We hunger
We become aged
So slowly we die
We long to be younger
Despite the inner rage
For then we had passions
Unbroken
But one morrow
One will be found
Pure of heart and motive
And he will find the vessel
That allows one to heal
A sip from the cup
All the years pass
Without pain or sorrow
Let me be the one
To find the grail
And renew the king
With a single drink Arthur 
Will exit from the barrow
New
Alive
And healed
Of all his wounds
Let me be the one
Let me be the vessel
In your hands
Oh my Lord

Matthew 6:21  NIV
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Burning

Say I am what you need
Tell me I am what you want
I refuse to unsee
Until you do

Everything in me bleeds
And your passed spirit haunts
Everything I believe
That's not true

The veil parts and there you are
Not hiding from the bright lights
Speaking to my innermost place
Who am I

My heart is covered in scars
There is nowhere tonight
For us to embrace
Don't lie

Kill me with your words
Slay me with your mind
I am willing and able
To be that person

Longing for a goal towards
The future calling inside
My mind is unstable
And burning
Burning
Burning
To ash

Gaze into my soul

Look into my eyes
Gaze into the soul
Look beyond the lies
We all share
Look at me in whole
Where there is no disguise
I am nude to you
Even fully clothed
Your being is why
I try to be more
You are who allows me to be
Someone who is healed
A survivor of the wars
And someone who is redeemed
You are my queen
And I serve with fidelity
I live for the honor
To be yours without any shame
I long for you to bear my name
Please, gaze into my soul
For I want just to know
That you see who I am
My lips will extol
The one who makes me able
To see the future
When I look into your eyes
I see my family
My heart alive
And nothing but hope
Assured 

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to 
make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap 
it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it 
up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness."  C.S. Lewis

Course of the River, ever flowing

Her name as an empire
Would strike fear in others
The rise followed, but industry









Born of violence and ire
A warrior state rose up
Becoming the master of her neighbors














But while the empire became wealthy
Ignored the warnings
Her strengths would turn to weakness











From a distance it looked healthy
A powerful empire always does
Until the fall










But now the empire is aflame
The excellence followed a course
As a river that cuts through rock














Soon it replaced free laborers
With the efforts of prisoners and slaves
With its war earned provinces afire









It answers rebellion with utter force
Long dead are the builders of the state
Long dead they rot in the grave










To placate the masses from the malaise
The empire offers bread and circuses
To kill the pain









 
Ignoring the approaching collapse
They lose sight of their original way
And the dust rises

And the bleeding only ends
After the conquest of the people
When the fires leave ash














While Rome has entered descent
The cycle is on endless repeat
For  the conquering tribes

By the Lavender Field

Her husband was a loyal vassal
To this blessed land's high king
His greatest treasure was not gold
Nor was it any possession
Rather it was a woman
While of common blood
Rather than royal
She was an exquisite being

Though persons of great fame
They both disappeared from view
He for violent circumstance
She for her demeanor and sorrow
Despite her position and her great estate
No one knew what became of her
Except she was now absent

She was a widow
And completely alone
She wore the hue lavender
Cultivating an acre of the same
She lived in the old castle
Considered by most to be very shy
Her beauty was unique
Her spirit sweet
Gentle and soft
Bright and profoundly kind
Her countenance was forlorn

I never knew what to say
But I was moved by her
Moved by her nature
Her life was tragicDue to the war
She lost her husband
And for other reasons
She'd lost her first born

I heard that she was warm to strangers
And in this day we must be wary
No one is the same
Following the king's demise
His army slaughtered
And lawless bands roaming the land

I served with her husband
On the frontier defending the crown
We were nearly all butchered
Thousands of loyal men
Barely moving, all down

And now the land was wild
No army remained to defend it
She passed from view
But a presence so sweet
Her absence left us wounded

I had seen her eyes smile
Trying to survive the grieving
But she could not respond
When I gave her my heart
So, I suffered a grievous wound
My heart would not recover

The last times of my life
I swore to defend her
In her absence I defend her name
I cannot shake the thought
I was lost
All my days I remember
The lord's wife
And I shake in the pain

A Knight's Task

I've put off the temptations
I've ended the demon's tasks
I am here despite the pain
And I do not wear a mask
Called to this duty
My honor is to lead
I hear the enemy approach
I can hear the war drums beat
I have walked, I have waited
I've bled without end
Carried others through the desert
Through this burning heat
I am ready to lay my burden down
I am waiting, lord, to be relieved
I am waiting to sleep
I close my eyes and see
Completion of this is the journey
I walk unto exhaustion
Hold hard onto the path
My flesh is weary
As tears roll down
Lord you know, I am tired
But I am called to be the one
Not for ego or esteem
Not for my greed or conceit
Who refuses defeat
I accept the honor to be your soldier
But despite the honor therein
It is not without wrath
My feet become clay
Stuck in the mire
Lord I'll do all you ask me to do
And I'll pray and wait
Because you are the truth
I am ready and I await
Your final order
My life complete

Isaiah 53
New International Version (NIV)

53 Who has believed our message
    and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

4 Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
    yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
    and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
    so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
    Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
    for the transgression of my people he was punished.
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
    and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
    nor was any deceit in his mouth.

10 Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
    and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
    and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
11 After he has suffered,
    he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
    and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
    and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
    and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
    and made intercession for the transgressors.

Walk away

Why, why does it happen
Every time my heart opens
The dagger slams inside
The locks in my chest unfasten
Unleashing the bitter taste
Of being the unchosen
Release then the demon of suicide
So, as I've said
Let me just breathe in
The air of cyanide
And walk away
From this world
From the sorrow

From pains
From tomorrow


“There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster.” Dalai Lama XIV

Unwritten futures

Life is not easy
It drives the sane to despair
But the power of fear
The tragedy of hate
Cannot overcome
One who brings faith to bear
I am a walker
In the waste lands
I have left my home country
To see the damage anger has done
This world has fallen into ruin
Her children are diseased and hungry
And as I look over the scene I know
A new path must be run
We are scared
Because the presumed future
Is gone
With little to hope for
But there is more life to live
To find new lands
We must leave the shore
It is time
To hear the call
Now is the appointed hour
We have nothing to lose
By losing it all
Stand up
Dead man arise
It is now
It is now
We are here
And still alive
The future remains unwritten
Unpromised yes
Do not hide your eyes
Do not fear the unknown
It is never too late
The future awaits
Unwritten and open
We can find victory
And triumph over fate

Born to die?

Why is there more sorrow than joy
Why do the wicked prosper
Why is love so hard to find
And why
Was I born to die?
Where has my hope gone
My heart so constantly aggrieved
I am to weakened to be alive
And so
How was I to know,
My heart would become hollow
From the wages of life

"Death is a black camel, which kneels at the gates of all." Abd-el-Kader

I can't have you

When I see your eyes
I am torn inside
I can never disguise
A pain reveals my lies
Bleeding out with fire
My sorrow burns like gasoline
Broken by the unquenched desires
Crushed by the lust machine
Bound by chains
Freely held by the morals
That buffer the pain
Anthems of sadness by a chorus

Crusade?

Told by modern voices
That they slaughtered
That they were evil
That they were invaders
The truth is different
The Muslim overlords of each region were violent invaders
They allowed no religious choices of the subjected
Most of the European Crusaders worshiped at altars
Most were filled with hope and reason
Most were meek, holding little land, few acres
Not murderers they were holy and reverent
They were honorable to their religion
They might not be heroes
But they chose to give lives
To release the lands
Held far from their hands
Spain and Portugal were enslaved
Invaded and condemned
Tours was the high water point
Of a Muslim tide
It is time to realize the lies
The Crusades were brutal
But came in response
To even greater brutality
And racism and evil
Are by no means owned
By the Europeans
Or the Whites

Where are you?

My King I have been walking
Across this entire planet
Knowing you are gone
Where are you my beloved
Where are you my soul
Loving you was my only passion
Serving you my only goal
I spent my life waiting for the time
When I could bow before your throne
Rest my body
Lay my head in your arms
Rest my flesh, relax the bones
Comforted by your presence
But you left
I never saw it happen
Where are you my King
I have to return to my path
You are my only quest
Give my only treasure
10 talents of silver
Even more of gold
To see you for a glimpse
To know you are with me
I miss you more
Than I ever wished to live
All of my treasures
Forbid myself of pleasures
Divest myself of things
There is nothing
That I want more
But to be before you
To honor your crown
The crown of the forever King

Blinded by the Brilliance

Weightless, gravity has no power over me
Floating upon the atmosphere
I stare down
The world is beautiful
And with this position it loses the veneer
I
Am not here
To make the pain
Go away
I
Am
Alive
Without a fear
Without shame
I surrender
To my fate
Which is empty
I surrender to the truth
And look away
So as not to be blinded
By its brilliance

Crucified by Modernity

With every breath my lungs swell
With the toxicity that comes from
Modernity
Then my flesh is wrung like a bell
And my nightmare is begun
Cavernous emptiness
Thinking carelessly
Hearing only
What I want
Losing only
What I need
Let me be crucified
By the nails and tree
That I grew
And forged
With blood and fire
I am not worthy of mercy
Only he is worthy
And only he
Is the son most exalted

Why does it matter? It doesn't.

I no longer accept that a future can happen
Why does it matter, why should I care
But I accepted that life really matters
When I had my son, I was raised from oblivion
And now the tides turn red
The sky turns black
The winds scream
For the dead who can't come back
We are lost
Without hope
With fear
Beyond reason
Why does it matter
If we die

Just a number

Just a number
Not a name
Who will remember us
Or why we came
Our design lost
Our purpose missing
What was the point
What was our mission
If we cry
Will someone hear it
Remember us
Remember us
Add us unto the book
We were sent with hope
Never happened
We returned unwhole
With broken spirits
Just a number
This flesh is cold
Our spirit dying
Or so we are told
Until the time
We are taken back
To our home
We fight our fate
Abandon destiny
No retreat
No surrender
No existence
In this our black December

so many crushing questions

Is not wanting to live
The same as wanting to die?
Who made the rules about life?
Why bother asking why?
I refuse to wait in the absence of hope
My life is my own
To destroy or celebrate
Right?
Or is there something more
Something beyond perception
That exists, just as we do
But isn't made of clay
Isn't limited to a casing
Of flesh, so impermanent

Wrath well earned

Humanity has challenged the notion
That anything can be greater than it
The atomic bombs and destroying of oceans
Humanity is rich with machines of death

Yet, humanity is not so intelligent
They can kill and slaughter, but naught else
It is so easy to destroy, or be malevolent
But to create and share is living breath

The dragon we fight
Is far greater
Than the earth
Or anything else it might find
Humans are fighting
What can never be defeated
They fight a dragon of our selves
We find killing to be fulfilling 
That dragon is the curse
Of humanity's existence
And we shall never rise
We thus make earth our own hell

 "Come not between the dragon, and his wrath."
William Shakespeare

Compared

We invite it into our abode
Endless war
Bestial slaughter
Depredation and famine
Catastrophe and disaster
It is in our nature
We give all modern worship
To the gods, Ares and Mammon
We make great statements
Place our hand to our heart
We promise
Never to do what we do
Then in different forms
We do the same
We are counterfeiters 
With absolute self righteous glee
We make our bent nature
Celebrated as a sacrament
A holy writ
Our lie
Our deceit
And our fallen nature
Only makes more plain
More obvious
The difference between
The creations of men
And the creation of gods

Damnation's Rage

Desolation damnation
Isolation antinatalism
We have no excuse
We've broken out the fuel
For a planet of fools
Light the match
Stand looking
The planet is afire
Human castration
Death of the flesh
Shame of our kind
Fear induced abortions
We are dying
By their own hand
Visiting the funeral caisson
Carrying the corporate carcass
We are now carrying the torch
To light the final path
Because this is the end
Enter the world of wrath