I can't fix what others have done, but I can love you

Spring mist and gray
Spent my day walking
Through the burnt fields
I didn't make any breakthroughs
Instead I am covered in mud
Blackened from last autumn's burn
I still know what you are going to do
Going away won't make it right
My heart is bursting with tears
With sadness pouring down
I am becoming slowly more paralyzed
Knowing and grieving as the day nears
That day when you go away for good
I can't bear the sorrow alone
But you have no way of knowing what is my heart
I want you to stay but I can't make you do that
So instead I will watch you go, will burn inside and know
I will never see you again no matter how it breaks me
Walking home through the mud
The birds fly over head maybe they have a portent for me
They seem to say you are leaving but that is something I knew

(Public domain image)

Ares will be redeemed

Many saw the signs but never knew
They saw the portents
But didn't connect the relationships
However much they existed
The Greeks and allies alike
Ignorantly supped upon the hubris
That was their belief in their agency
In their greatness forgetting
The reasons for their ascent
Had they looked into the sea
Had they seen their reflection
They would have been amazed
To see their great hungers
For pleasures
For vanity
For treasures
The flesh, the vanity, and riches
Had accompanied their ascent
So high above any other people
Upon the earth before or nearly after
From that high place they fell
And the day of rebellion came
Grace became disgrace
There was no gradual abandon
The revolt was a lightning strike
At once a shock
Gorgeous and destructive
As well as impermanent
The world we looked upon
As our own to watch
Had now grown out of our control
Only I was willing to slay them
Our human children
The moment they stopped worship
At the holy foot of Mount Olympus
For now, they deigned to mock their gods
They fell from their devotion
They lost their fervent ways
They offered no sacrifice
They had lost their faith
Father Zeus and my mother Hera
Never knew the depths of my rage
Aphrodite could soothe it
Even the worst of the pangs
But that rage boiled inside
It laid waste to my mind
It led to my destruction
With my sons Phobos and Deimos
And my beloved daughter Adrestia
My friends Nemesis and Nike
Always by my side
The dishonor accorded to us
By the acts of the Greeks
Would be avenged
The lack of fidelity to their faith
Would be cleansed
By blood
None should wonder
Why men love war
It is redemptive
It is an answer
To every question
And when the last human passes
The descent has ended
And the cycle will renew

The Depth of Darkness

In the depths
Of this darkness
With all of the misery
None of the majesty
All of the hopes crushed
Your memories are erased
But for one kind
No joy or happiness
But the tragedies are untouched
The voices inside your head
Whisper to you about a dream
That is no longer there
You shrug your shoulders
Wonder why
Then walk away
And now
When you are unable to care
And love or hate do not exist
Inside your chest beats a heart
That has frozen
Perhaps because it has broken
The ice inside your veins
Has slowed you
Your beating heart moves
But just barely
No answers to your question why
You are so depressed
You can only wonder
Where did your life go
Why did this happen
How did it die
Who knows now
It doesn't matter
There is no answer
Only questions
And nothing to solve
The mysteries
Of the darkness

The Clouds might obscure the sun, but it still shines

Led by my fears
Rather than my joy
Brought my tears
And crushed
This little boy
So I resolved to change
I would linger
In each moment
Of love and loving
Instead of rushing
Through the time
If I am upon the stage
I would give every line
Every action my focus
Until the curtain would fall
Time has its own cost
Its own torment
We all pay it
So why should I rush
Actors play their parts
The curtain will fall when ready
So why not let the moment
Be what it is
Let me linger in the love
Of the ones who
I might never see
Ever again
In this life
Clouds obscure the sun
But the sun is still there
I won't assume the gray
Is permanent
Nor assume
It is there to plague me
Like always

From the Darkness I was Condemned

I was a slave
To the world
A slave in the pits
From the darkness
I was condemned
My heart would implode
From the grieving
For my loss
Still no difference
From here to then
But time has not slowed
I screamed again and again
No one stopped to save me
Because
They were grieving too
Insular and wounded
We bleed alone
With no redemption
We bleed alone
With no hope
We bleed alone
Until
We are held
And given the promise
That we will no longer
Be broken
Our hearts will again
Be soft and open
Forgiving
Forgiven
Covered in the blood
Of the perfect lamb
Let the gates be opened
Let my heart be opened
And then welcome the flood

sleep

Nightmares don't bother me
It is my waking life that scares
My beliefs aren't able to protect me
And no one seems to care
So I endure
I am the plaything
Of beasts who invade my mind
All through the night
So now I fear everything
Serenaded to sleep
By beast things
That sing sweetly

The Mystical Green

Society has made the concept of the forest
Into the perfect, righteous pristine place
It certainly has beauty, and the world is natural
But don't ignore the danger
There is daily potential for dying
However original, however primal it is
Those who survive there are not tamed
Among their number are carnivores
They live by eating the flesh of others
There are hunters and there are prey
Life is unregulated by humans
All creatures are indeed free
It is beautiful, should be left undisturbed
But I'm not ready to give up modernity
I love books
I desire a daily life without being hunted
And paper is a crop
As well as naturally appearing as a tree

Danger in the Dagger

It was there in the moment
That death was awakened
Fear could never relent
Nor change the torment
Any bystander would feel
He was quite shaken
But the messenger spoke to him
Here where you've drawn blood
Is holy
And you've transcended against it
Your sins will be manifest
And your sorrows a flood

Paradise Found

What remains in us
What survives forever
More than a soul or spirit
But a mind alive
No matter my transgressions
There is a waiting hive
That I might enter
Where soul meets soul
And together we are entwined

CJR Kin

I saw a photo in an album
Of you in a moment
Your spirit alight
Your heart unguarded
I remembered it
Fully
The time
The voice
The gleam in your eye
Now with you gone
Every moment seems so wasted
That you could be so far away
Never to return, it burns
I miss you, and horror
Is my reaction of you being gone
Since I can't reach you now
Forever I'll miss you
Your leaving still leaves me
Undone
I will never again be whole
But
Your memory is burned
In my heart
And I can never unlearn
The things you taught me
Because they came from
Deep inside your soul

With Blind Rage He Fought

While the lands were green, beautiful
Hibernia was wrought with fire
Beauty competed with violence
Reckless anger competed with righteous ire
Connacht was fertile, food abundant
And still, they desired the bull found in Ulster
Said to be more fertile than any similar creature
Queen Medb hated Ulster
Even became unable to think rationally
If Ulster was the province in question
And even as these two fought
Residents of other provinces fought as well
Fought against one another
Sons and fathers versus their cousins  
Ulster was protected from invasion
By a vigilant warrior Cuchulainn
Descended of the god Lugh
Bearing a powerful spear named Gae Bulg
He bore his father's blood, and a warrior's nature
That caused him to become blind to his rage
Friends and foes alike would be slaughtered
The best warriors of Connacht gathered
And tried to steal the prolific bull
But they stood against CuChulainn
Who when the cause is lost  appears upon the horizon
Being brought to the battlefield by a hard driving chariot
He leapt into battle against fine warriors of note
When finished not one was standing but Cuchulainn

“The first warp-spasm seized Cúchulainn, and made him into a monstrous thing, hideous and shapeless, unheard of. His shanks and his joints, every knuckle and angle and organ from head to foot, shook like a tree in the flood or a reed in the stream. His body made a furious twist inside his skin, so that his feet and shins and knees switched to the rear and his heels and calves switched to the front. The balled sinews of his calves switched to the front of his shins, each big knot the size of a warrior’s bunched fist. On his head the temple-sinews stretched to the nape of his neck, each mighty, immense, measureless knob as big as the head of a month-old child. His face and features became a red bowl: he sucked one eye so deep into his head that a wild crane couldn’t probe it onto his cheek out of the depths of his skull; the other eye fell out along his cheek. His mouth weirdly distorted: his cheek peeled back from his jaws until the gullet appeared, his lungs and liver flapped in his mouth and throat, his lower jaw struck the upper a lion-killing blow, and fiery flakes large as a ram’s fleece reached his mouth from his throat.”
― Thomas Kinsella THE TAIN as translated from ancient Irish/Gaelic

 

Ire

Sometimes the only response to ire
Is to remove one's self from the presence
Dying before they kill you is required
Burning inside they scream
You've made yourself the target
Exhausted from the fight
Exhausted and far too tired
There is nothing left
But sacrifice
And ending

Host of Killers

We are the host of killers, of viruses and bacterias
We don't even know, because we've become ignorant
We've become insular and stupid, never wonder
And now we've become unable, we have no criteria
Because our minds hate all that is truly different
Our world is cast asunder
And why should we mourn
We've welcomed our killer before

Pandemic

They told us truth
We've been warned
Told us
We'd unleashed a killer
But we ignored them
It'll cost us our own blood
Since we fill our lives with filler
We never know what is good
We simply try to hold on
Against the inevitable flood

Humans are the virus

We thought ourselves so brilliant
Creating machines so very clever
We sacrificed our children to find it
But it will kill everyone some day
We are bright but we are dangerous
We wont have to worry over killing it
Because we've made it virus free forever
If you choose to do so, try to define it
Creating a child who'd kill you some way

Every debt is paid, Be ready for Forever

Many think they've found paradise
with luxury, pleasure and treasures
They fool themselves day after day
But the truth would leave them undone
With broken, screaming, hearts bleeding
their minds, unbelieving, going numb
And to then enjoy their riches
They sought the pleasures of the flesh

When faced with my own dilemma
I learned the truth, a lesson in love
People want to be King of this world
While those who seek the truth
Are shunned
Most spend all of their days waiting
Counting debts and sums
That could have been me

But
I've been living for the one
Morning is here and the Son is shining
The new day is begun and He is brilliant
Spectacular
And more glorious
Than one thousand suns
His work is done
And I am ready
For the ever

Adieu

In dying moments
There is salt and sweat
Bleeding tears
My cheeks are wet
From the cost of it all
The endless years
That pretended to be important
Life should escape regret
But it won't
I was somebody's voodoo doll
Rather than a life
So moving from here
I won't offer my view
It doesn't matter
I bid you adieu

I surrendered

I never wanted it
But it was what it was
I still got the suffering
Never celebrating
How my fate broke the story
Of a life's sacrifice
Fate blew cold
Blew hot
Would never not retaliate
Against me
No matter what I did
Wherever I went
What disguise I wore
Still it was there
It found me, hollowed me
Sucked the life from my bones
And the spirit left inside
Left as a remnant spirit
Still impossible to renew
Suicidal and yet, alive
Too scared to quit
What do you doNothing is holy
When you surrender
Nothing remains
When you are insane
But your bones
Left behind in little piles
Perfect little rows

Dreaming my escape from this fetid world

I dream of her
Pray to her
Ask her to 
Redeem my belief
Forgive me of my doubt
I wait for her to rescue me
From this vapid, empty world
Fetid and bestial
All my fault
Fecund and foul it leeches
Every ounce of me comes out
Bleeding and restless
My flesh spat out
My being even hurled
Into the sun
Burning my memories
Of the one
I dream of her
Again
She is the only
Saving grace
Showed me mercy
In the fire
Soothes my heart
Calms my desire
I dream of her
And no one else
I sleep in fetal curl
To save my self
Good night again
Good night

I hear you yelling, but

Over there
On the hill
Oh I can see you
Standing
You are shouting
But I can't tell
What you're saying
Are asking for help
Are you telling me
To go ahead and die
Are you saying you love me
or is it that you hate me now
And you refuse to lie
Mixed signals
Mixed emotions
Smoke signals
Wind blown smoke
I can't cope
With everything
Turning into something
Big
Emotions exploding
Like some big explosion
Worse than atom bombs
I can't see from all the smoke
And all the blame
From all the wrongs
I give up
I give in
It doesn't matter

Curtain rise, actors act

My heart never took directions well
But I should have listened
And in the absence
I've been in form of hell
Within my silent mind
Waiting for you to call
To speak or yell
Anything to tell me
What you think
Again
I am weak
A fool
Easily distracted
Tell me again
I missed my cue
I miss you
More than anything
I can imagine
And my imagination
Is quite large
Let me be recast
As the actor
In your play
I am begging
For one last chance