Even with wings I could not fly

Credit: Rogério Timóteo

The future is before us
Unwritten, bright
Shining and spotless
Like the Mediterranean 
Because of my father's genius
We will overcome
His hard work
Allowed us this moment
We will fly above the sea
Like the gulls
Like the GODS
He is worthy
I will become so
For the child of a god is a god. Yes?
He is telling me now all these directions
Don't fly too high, don't fly too low
Yes yes I know.
All I have in this life, is my father
I have nothing else, he's given me hope
He has given me my mind's work
Together we have labored
To escape this place
And how exciting
My wings will carry me
Away far away
In the thin sky
Above the sea
Some might fear the method
Some might long for safety
But I trust my father's means
And his skills
And his ways
He is the brightest man
Of the entire Greek sea
Which is why he is
Imprisoned here
I am as well
And we must leave
Or never be free
Like caged beasts
To be pitied
To be of lower class
To be of lesser esteem
My father always said
I was beautiful
I was brave
I was his gift
From the pantheon
Of Zeus
I was not made to be pitied
Nor was he
So we shall fly   
Father said some warnings or such
Certain his workmanship will suffice
The sun is so hot
My wings are melting
They fall apart
I am losing altitude
The sea rushes up
To greet me
Father I have failed you
Once again

Lord Frederick Leighton

I will let you grieve

Silently, from a distance
I cried as you kissed him goodbye
I shed tears for his life
Soon to pass
But more than that
I cried for the pain in your heart
Because I know
How I would feel
In the same place
But I can't say so
I have to give you room to grieve
To endure
To survive
In your own way
What is in my soul
I believe
All I know
I will be quiet
And pray
Until you can breathe again
There is no shame in sorrow
No shame in the quiet of a hurting heart
Only quiet
And my waiting arms
Although it is possible
The clues are too arcane to know
In the waiting
I might mistake silence
For being unable
To reach out
So call my name

My Life, My Winter

Winter for some is renewal 

A time to sleep and recover

It is  part of a cycle 

That inevitably rebounds in Spring

For others it represents the dying of things

The decay of life

My life has entered that season

But I do not foresee renewal

I see terminus

Not for my sorrows 

Or grieving

And not maudlin tears for show

Rather from finding the moment

The period I am entering

As having no way of escape

For not seeing the path

That I know is before me

It is covered

Beneath the densely packed snow

Packed hard from the footpaths

And the travels of others

While I dithered

And was left

To decide my way

I stopped and took a break

And found that I was covered

With ice, and cold, and exhaustion

That might determine my fate

The Thunder Gods: Wind and Fire

Once begun
The Divine Wind was a fire
It burned fiercely in the hearts
Of the warriors of the Rising Sun
It was unquenchable
Like a wildfire with fuel
The Kamikaze as they were called
Believed that in their death
They would ascend to heaven
Become Gods Of Thunder
Entering a pantheon
Divine protectors of their homeland

Like the god Susanoo-woo
Who sent the typhoon
The Wind that crushed
Mongols invading Japan
At Hakata Bay
The Kamikaze sought
To follow the path
The winds of the past
Had created
They entered death freel

The pilots attacked
With no chance to survive
They believed they would stop
The tide of war
Fatal calculations
One pilot = One ship
Only the anti-aircraft flak
Could slow down the Divine Wind
The fire raged
Until Japan was crushed
By a different fire
Set by American planes
And two bombs

Dreamless State

This is my life
I wait for the end
My life paid out
With wrath
That crushes souls
My journey
So long and alone
Yet I never held doubt
I walked the despised path
Hated and spat upon
Storms crushing hope
Black clouds
The bleeding rains
Pouring down
So very cold
Wounds never heal
Never rising above
Bitter shame
I can never last
But for now
I endure
But even in
Mother's arms
Even held by love
I can not sleep
Nightmares fill my head
Haunting my dreams
Until I lay
Wakeless
Yet awake
And pray
For any kind
Of relief

Nothing left, so it seems

A mockery of opportunity
We walk alone
From the garden we've been cast
The hunger for meaning
Continues forward
While we try to ignore
The past devastation
Of innocence
Childhood slashed
Forgive the stolen moments
The small torments
That color our memory
Existence is balanced
With the future's hope
And the tragedies of the past

Forgotten Warriors

In his day he'd done great things
Traveled the world
Fought for the king and won battles
None could have dreamed possible
But he was unconcerned
Never felt alone
Never loved a girl
Never worried for his future
He knew he had family
Within his unit
Closer than brothers he said
He'd be fine, taken care of
When the time came
He was in the moment
He was everything
He ever wanted to be
But some of his brothers
Were now dead
But that was part of life
Soldiers pass on
He never needed medals
Or thanks
From his country
But now
His time was ending
Upon the earth
Age and wounds
Took their toll
Soon he'd die
His spirit would be free
Until then he suffered
For despite his life
Given for the state
He was forgotten
By king and country
And it was the epitome
Of shame

 

My Service To The King

I never lost purpose

I was devoted and true

But I am tired

I obeyed every command

With distant memories

Of a young man’s dreams

With a constant awareness

Of the need for purity

I did not partake

In pleasures of the flesh

And I have grown weary

And old

With long lost desires

For complete victory

My quest is over

A knight in a lawless land

I am the last of my kind

A remnant of a fallen era

My world survives

But I surrender

My life has reached an end

My flesh is broken

Without hope I cannot endure

My being is worn

Je suis fini

My body will never mend

I cannot exist this way

And I shall pass

Into the grey

For my flesh is weak

My mind is tortured

My spirit is bound in pain

I am a tapestry in tatters

There is no future

For me

But I do trust

And I do believe

In the mission

I performed

And for those who remain

Will thrive

For the High King is worthy

And he shows mercy

To all who ask

I have served

And I am finished

But I was blessed

To perform the task

To live for the King

When nothing else mattered

I have his blessing

And his thanks

For a job well done

Burning Fields

A future form of torture
Will see my thoughts
Published as words
To my horror
My world will be upturned
When the world learns
I am waiting for your call
After all this time
I have not moved forward
The world knows my fortunes
I never give up
Because I have nothing
That is of worth
To anybody
Not even me
Don't you see
I am here still
I was left behind
And there is nothing left
But the words I think
Being read by everyone will reveal
The truth
I am nobody
I am nothing
There is nothing good
Any longer
Take a walk in my field
The grass is burned
The drought surreal
Devastation
And you never returned
To harvest my heart
You never returned
To reap my soul
The seeds were planted
And left to die
But the world still eats
There is no famine
Only one person is damaged
That is me

Clouds Or Smoke

Upon the horizon I see 

Clouds dark

Awaiting 

But without relief

I never knew sorrow, so sweet

Never had a wound, like this

Every day I see your photo

I hold back the tears, of the years

Because I know, I lost you

To the call of another

Who does all

That I cannot

I see the clouds in the sky

But they look more like smoke

Black clouds with a sheen 

That comes from being alight

My life is on fire

And there is burning

Inside my viscera

My life has been

Burned away

As if by match
And kerosene

And all I can do

Is watch

As the smoke rises

As my memories burn

So serenely

Dementia

The Angel of Death
Brings the harvest
Of the field of life
But it brings
Plagues of woe
Upon sorrow's memory
Shameful misery
She left me
Without warning
Destroying me
Cutting without a knife
She was lost
Upon a sea of dementia
Wasting her precious moments
Crushing her history
Collective humanity
An arcane mystery
Now just simple flesh
Without context
And I miss who she was
But not who she became
Did the pointed finger
Of the Angel of Death
Somehow redeem?

The Moment I Saw You

The moment I saw you
For the first time
I bit my lip to keep from saying
God have mercy upon me
I had been upon my knees
Praying
For a vision
And you were that and more
Your beauty was stunning
Beyond the reach
Of my prayer
Your mind a challenge
A mystery of grace
Filled with knowledge
And strength
I knew the moment
I saw you
That I was condemned
To forever want
What I cannot have
An irredeemable desire
A flood that could not be stemmed
That single moment
I stood
Alive for the first time
About to be crushed
By a wave
Of desire
To reach an unreachable height
Burned
In unquenchable fire

God and Swan

He saw her from a distance
He wanted her
She was seeking solace
She was uncovered
Nude but for the foliage
Around the pond
While others watched
Upon far Olympus
The gods and goddesses
Found spectacle
Found sport
In the interaction
Of these two beings
One of their own
From Olympus
Would fail, spectacularly
Despite an outwardly human form
They were not
She was a queen
Of her elvish race
He was a god
A warrior, a king
She was unmoved by his form
He was very aware
Of her, her scent
Her black hair
Her white skin
He quickened
She felt fear
She ran from him
He pursued
Closely
Desperate to escape
She transformed from nymph to swan
He stopped in his tracks
The black swan quickly leaped to the air
With a wild flapping of wings
The warrior god stared as she rose
He knew he could call upon the thunder
Or the rain, to slow her escape
But he didn't lust her
Any longer
He simply was bemused
That she was unique
Different than any other being
What other magic did she possess
Her mysterious being was so alluring
Her difference more beautiful
Than her beauty
To the god who watched

The Bones of the Necropolis

Ignorant of the prophet's words

Most barely read let alone 

To realize what was said

Ancient metropolis, emptied of life and lust

Modern necropolis, tombs and ossuaries

Bones left in the dust

The children sing odes to the dead

Future society without conscience

Lives lived without fear of consequence

A populous that died for their opulence  

But none worry, nor care

The dead take care of their own

The world painted gray and red

Nothing lives in the zone

Nothing exists all alone

The world collapsed

Upon itself

Ancient bones of steel

Concrete and plastic

Wood burned away

Nothing is left

Neither memories

Nor legacies

Remain

I am not worthy but I am amazed

I was not the one
To find it
I was not the one
To hold it
I sought the Grail
To heal my lord
Arthur, King of all Britons
The most cherished lord
Enlightened
To lead
We were sent
To quest
To find the chalice
Arthur, Briton's lion
He was the soul
Of our living land
From the ocean north
To the southern shore
Beyond Avalon's horizon
A beautiful world
Reigned over by a man
Sent by the eternal God
But the land was grieved
And the king was ill
From the breath
Of the dragon
Upon him
In full sorrow
From his loss
Of his Queen
From his wounds
Upon his heart
From Mordred
His ill conceived son
To find it was to heal him
To hold it was to heal me
But my soul was to darkened
From life's wounds grieving me
But Avalon's prince
Arthur
Would rise again
And then the world
Would be made good

Winds of my soul, blow through

  Cast out and filled with doubt

I have fallen

Again

My flesh now cold

Winter without snow

Winds blow

Burn inside of me

Inside my soul

As I am cast aside

Losing a sacred destiny

Out of my reach

Future consumed

A quest failed

Disconsolate

Deeply wounded

Broken

Crows call out

Telling me to look

Beyond myself

Through my cloak of sorrow

Wrapped across this body

The pain flows

I was burning inside

My eyes were dry

I had cried

Bitter tears

Every time

They had poured down

Like a flood

Over the barren desert plain

From my deepest pain

Dust came rising up

From my boots

In the Valley of Death

I wore a crown of thorns

Caked in blood

And dirt

My destiny fading

I had no home

I walked

Alone

Broken by cynical fears

Broken by jaded dreams

Alone

Until you came to my side

I finally woke unto my being

My flesh became alive

When I tasted your soul

I became worthwhile

When I touched

Your hand

I became hope

You amaze me

Your spirit is flying

High above the surface

Beyond anything I know

Exquisite and elegant

Angelic vision

Otherworld exotic

Beauty beyond measure

Nothing so vulgar or erotic

You are a higher being

Above all humanity

Holding me

As you soar

Teaching me the truth

As your celestial spirit beams

Far from the land I know

From Eden to urbanity

From existence

To surreality

Yours is the star

Rising over the horizon

To be celebrated by lower beings

Because you are worthy

Of the love and adoration

Renewed 

I feel your serenity

As the peace surrounds you

A blanket of stars

Wrap us tightly

I am by your side

You are healing me

From a lifetime

That had scarred

My soul

You are my destiny

Reborn

I know

This

Now I know

I fall before the Grail

The depths of my failings

Go far beyond simple sin

I am unable to remove 

The flaw

For my failing covers

All

I am unable to stop

I am unable to slow

My descent

I am only able

To perform dissection

For my wounds

Cleanse me

My life

My faith

My sorrows

Wound me

I grieve my imperfection

I have failed

My God

My King

My self

But I strive forward

And repent

My resurrection

Will come

When I die

In the service

Of my King

My brother Arthur

And God