No.

I choose to sever this
To deliver justice
Never again
To be your bitch
Go away
Leave me be
I have no desire
To accept your blame
To endure your shame
And burn in eternity
For the privilege 
To taste your fire

ride

Hey do you need a ride
I happen to be driving
Wherever you are going
Don't worry, I'm not a creep
Lonely yes, but don't make a leap
I think you know better
And we are in dangerous weather
So c'mon
Hop in this car
A delivery vehicle for solitude
I've a bad attitude
But only when alone

Surviving the Dust Storm

I was told that there was ancient village ahead
But this dust storm hides this mystical haven
So many skeletons buried beneath the sand
I hope to escape their fate
There has to be a river basin or pond
There has to be water to drink
Just one more dune
Cross one more dune I said
No sweat, my system is unable
No tears, I regret nothing
But soon I'll be dead
If I don't reach the oasis
My body baked
Soon I'll be driven mad
Must reach a well
I won't survive
Not even for another ten minutes

One who changed the flow

Rædwald of East Anglia was prepared
For the battle across the River Idle
His troops were no different in armor or weapons
Than any of the enemy
But they were superior
None should compare
The rivals
Only that  one will rise when threatened
And the other would fulfill a different destiny
Rædwald was the final spear carrier
And his reign would deny fate
For his way changed his land
And his life was remembered
As achieving greatness

A Thought

We will be left behind
In our own planetary prison
With our known past
Why do we think if aliens visit
That they won't consider us
Homicidal
Lunatics
They will prohibit
Isolating us, in our home
Any human expansion
Into the galaxy beyond
Made impossible
The message left explicit
We are violent
We kill our own

Chained and condemned

The infection consumes us
Deliriums amuse us
Our foolish choices decide
There is no escape
There is only hate
In the end our fate is cast
And there is nothing left inside
Devoured by the sickness
We have become weak
And addicted
To the evil around us
Become silent
Remove your cloak
Look into the mirror
And see
The sickness has become
You, Me
And there is no relent
As it consumes us again
And we have no excuse
Nor pardon

Wanting Freedom

I begged for your forgiveness
But it went without answer
So I sacrificed and gave away
All that I have and will ever be
Before many witnesses
Invited cancer
Invited shame
But could not be redeemed
My soul hungers for you
Purity and faith
I long to be freed
From this slavery

Burning Curses

Pain of birth remembered
Legacy of sorrow to be grieved
My soul, constantly dismembered
I believe
But am being drawn below
The surface, so perfectly quiet
The depths never without a sound
I have been created
As a clay and fire being
My soul is dreaming
And life is what is left
I believe
Yet despite promises
I am composed of fear
My soul bereft
There will be a toll to pay
Without redemption
Only pain
No sunlight
Only rain
I exist
But my spark barely burns
I am alive
But my soul lives with a curse

Forward?

How do we go forward from this point
Everyone agrees that the world is in crisis
But they disagree upon the cause and the degree
There are no heroes or messiahs to anoint
Malaise and ennui are the virus
And the world is divided according to beliefs
There will be a requiem
No one has ever seen the truth
The end will come
Regardless of belief or proof

Her Dark Majesty

She withheld her love
Until I was ready to fall
Upon her throne above
She laughed as I built a wall
Her needs had long since been met
There was nothing I could do for her
She was neither a fool nor coquette
If I offered a compliment, she demured
I was broken in my attempt
Left desperate and alone
She held me in contempt
I was a prisoner in her home

Dead

What is there when you are dead
Not dead in flesh but spirit
Is there an anthem sung by choir
But you can't hear it
What is there?
Does it matter?
I saw her walking toward me
And I had to choose
Decide now
Do you speak your heart
Do you stay silent
So quiet
And die inside
Die a little
Die a lot
It doesn't matter
What she's got
it doesn't matter
Does it
No
It does not

Virus

I cannot express the depth of gratitude
You saved me with your kindness
Your act changed my attitude
My pain became a virus
And I could never have overcome

Long ago I decided

I chose to write instead of hurt myself
I chose to release it all
Rather than let it decay
It does no one any good to let it rot
And become toxic inside me again
To write and release
Allows me to breathe
Alive
I am alive
Despite this grieving

Upon the completion of this

I hope when I die
That the people I left behind
Tear my flesh from the bones
And not spare the ichors
Grind it, shred it, with fucking nothing left
Give it back to earth, and let it feed
Give the beasts and their kin my bleeding heart
Because when I am done
I won't care
and I don't think much matters
Just make sure I am dead
Before you start

scrabble despair

your soul exchanged
for flesh desire
your heart estranged
from all it knows
giving every moment
to the lust inside
committing soul suicide
laying in torment
addicted to pleasure
I lose my mind
please kill me
before I kill my own life
with this strife
twisting in fear
and tears
in a living nightmare
between hope
and despair

Destiny or Fate

I have once and forever decided
This is not the place I am meant to be
I was born with a destiny
Not a fate
I mean to fulfill it
But perhaps
It is too late
This life was given
Far too much
To ever become more
A slave to desire
A child of despair
Born of weakness
In a world of pain
Given more than his share
How do I know that I am destined
Instead of being insane
I don't know
Not any more at least

Selfish Love

To truly love another
Requires bravery and hope
To know love, to truly know
One must be willing to be hurt
Brave, even reckless
Because if love isn't requited
It hurts far more
Than ever being willing to grow
Love is wonderful
When there is reply
Love is cancer
When the answer is no
When the honest question
Is rejected

I understand that solipsism is based upon a deeply selfish look at the world and that is understandable, if also infantile.  Everyone I think begins with that p.o.v.  I do however, think some selfishness is healthy.  One can be taken advantage of, if they do not protect their ego from vultures.  But I also know that I believe in God deeper because I know that I am unable to imagine an afterlife, as in paradise or hell, in terms that equal what I've read to describe those places.  I.E. I believe because my views on various things, beauty or horror, that are obviously small compared to what I believe is reality.   And I know, when my wife walked down the aisle at our wedding, I never saw someone so beautiful.  I know when my son popped out of my wife, I never loved someone so deeply as I did towards him.  I have aspects of my character that I know are more than my reach, and so I understand that there is more than what I can imagine, more than what I feel, and simply, more than I know.

Damnations

A world filled with vile creations
With hateful creatures and beasts
The broken cross their dream
They long to be the worst of ages
The good people already slaughtered
The few alive soon will be deceased
The nightmares beg sleep
So feel the heat
Damnation approaches
Place your vulgar hunger upon the altar

The Ancient Dead Live

The ancient dead have never left us
They've become dust and have flown
In the wind
We inhale their remains
With every breath
And we believe we are alive
When we are also dead
For it is our spirit who survives
And our flesh becomes fodder
For the carrion beasts
And farmer plows

Momentum

The rest of the world makes war
Leaving dead, ruins, civilians insane
There she dreams
So remember awaken a sleeping giant
From a slumber where she wished to remain
And there dreamt she
Of building a world safe from war
With no secrets to keep
Now they fight to haste the day
When war can be ended
And the criminals who started it slain

My soul pants for you

My soul pants for you
To be loved by one so
Electric, eloquent
Soft and beautiful
I feel fire where you touched
It must be the residue
Of touching your form
So gentle, so elegant
One such as I
Should never dirty your physique
By contact
But I know you
And have always
I waited all my life for this moment
And cannot express the depths of joy
To my creator
I have been offered salvation
And by that I am filled
With deepest gratitude
For you,  you are the one sent
In answer to my prayer
Of my longing to be complete
Found in the love of another
Where only love may approach
You are my destination
My sole reprieve from damnation
And you are a gift sent
My compact sealed
To redeem my pain and solve my fear
To remove the vacuum that tormented me
And let me heal

Broken hearts

I have watched as you spent your affection upon others
I have endured a darkness that in the mind covers
There is an end to the story
That I can write myself
This misery of loving you smothers
Watching as you take on more lovers
Every rose has thorns
This love has driven me to hell

Betrayed

Careless words, unguarded thoughts
Reveal information, kept quiet
But the enemy listens
And her ships are silent
Built of sturdy iron, with venom wrought
Beneath the waves they wait
And when their prey appear
Send torpedoes directly into the cargo hold
And quickly escape, and disappear
Survivors die one by one
In the freezing waters
Their battle has been fought
Now they wait
To die
Remembering only the loved ones
And knowing
Someone talked

Leaving you behind

The night is so quiet
And the silence shatters life
I have nothing to say that is acceptable
That I am allowed to live
Is more than you think
I deserve
But while I love
Still
I am not willing to serve
As your staff
Or your slave
Despite my low station
I resist the domination
That seems to be what you want
Instead in your memory
I'll haunt

I serve as well, my friend Yorick

Oh father I confess
He asked me for my help
And I of course said yes
When done he mocked me
For his needing me
I failed to impress
What I do is done for love
So that I can be cruelly mocked
Not released
I stand still unredeemed
No, sir
I am his servant
I do what needs be
But in the end
I am unfree
Yet, too, I am unclean
I am a wound
A scab covered abscess
I serve him
So that he will be fulfilled
And he will find Sleep
And dream again
In all that I am
I will serve him
Again
For to be is truly greater
My friend
Than not to be

Dead Pawns

They were sent into the teeth of enemy weapons
With commissars ready to shoot them in the back
They might not have believed in their government
But they loved their country, home of their family

Often, it wasn't honor that would beckon
Instead, it was fear, anger or the will to survive any attack
The enemy was perverse, racist, bent
The two sides clashed leaving behind only agony

The drums of war beat heavily
Remembering only the path ahead
There was no retreat in a battle to the death
No retreat

The battles were wicked, fought bestially
The winter snow once white, now red
No time to relax, more than a single breath
No defeat

Nothing to soothe the wounded 
And the sons of steel workers and farmers
The daughters of miners and factory laborers
Carved a legacy out of fate

Now came the winter
The winds wicked, even brutal
The end could be seen afar
But the survivors would be lame
Dreaming only that they might hold on

At first prayers were lifted
But the battlefield god was cruel
Leaving only the dead and scarred
Like chess some saw war as a game,
leaving dead kings and pawns

A Different sort of Masquerade

He tried to kiss me and to touch my butt
Avoiding his approach, the passionate squeeze
I didn't feign interest, nor scold him
But I avoided his rut
I might have known his secret
That he was different in his sexuality
I still wanted a friend, if he left I'd feel regret
I could never despise a person for things they felt inside
I could never pretend, I'd prefer a dramatic suicide
He was hurt that I didn't return his interest
He was worried I'd hate him and assault him
But whatever lies one tells themselves to get through
Don't work for me
I had to be true
So I said I love you as a friend, but could never as a lover
And he said he couldn't be near me
His attraction was too great
So there was nothing left
In the end, there was no friendship, nor "union"
And I am left to wonder
And indeed
I don't believe orientation is a choice
Who'd ever want to be seen so differently
That to reveal themselves is a cause
Of betrayal and accusations of treachery

When I stared this is what I found

I stared into the water of the lake
It reflected the sky, clouds, and my face
Who it was looking back at me
Was a person too old to be redeemed
But too young to stop moving forward
He was a man for whom life was not the reward
He'd had nowhere near enough love
Nowhere enough kisses and hugs
And his eyes revealed a sorrow
Of a man who sold all of his tomorrows
For a chance to survive the day
When his life was destroyed, left to decay
He had tried
He had not yet die
But time has its way
Especially for those who were now maimed
By the forces of the world
And their allies in the underworld
I was alive to the fact
Living was a rebel act
And it was time now to see
What a life spent would bring
The harvest never ends
And the message still is to be sent
Delivered in hand
By the imperfect man
To demonstrate the will
Of the creator who lived upon the hill

Mirror mirror

Broken mirrors cracked still work
The glass broken still cuts
I stare at my reflection
Over and over
And think
My life is a lie, cracked it is thus
None see the truth
But me
I hide behind the ruse
Have no muse
I am not a poet
Rather a fool

Green Dreams of Absinthe

Summoned by invite

The green fairy comes each night

Her power is to enslave

She creates a portal to escape

The drunken haze is only part

Pure as a purely white hart

The madness is spectacular

More inviting than lavender

One may never be free

Despite a joy of esprit

The green is always in control

Until you lose your very soul

Nightmare of waking

None call it fair
Lives lived without care
In the dreaming
The restless sleeping
Morpheus visits
The nectar of somnos
Lucid fears and brokenness
Morpheus calls us home