Pulled down

Do or die, no, I never tried
Run from this catastrophe
Inside of me
Time after time
There is no solution
To the world's problems
It is social pollution
Where everyone is right
Where nothing is wrong
Where I am god of everything
Where all of the world's sanctity
Is gone
I run and run
And get pulled down
And I look
Everything I knew
Is gone
Gone Gone

Healed by her

I was a prisoner of my solitude
Forever being alone
Was my fate
She shook me from the state
Changing my attitude
Always au fait
But without courage
She grabbed me by the throat
Breaking me like a bronco
She took the reins
And took control
I came to her ready to give in
And she made me feel unashamed
And returned my soul
My heart dances in her light
And I am content
Having no solitude
Whenever she is near
My heart is healed
Forever after
Healed permanently
When she says
Come here

Tears

Tears fall down my cheeks without passion
My indolent heart can't beat, has no desire to live
There is nothing left but ashes
And nothing to forgive
Because I was wrong all along
I never should have tried
I never imagined
How everything could collapse
But it did

Ywain, Knight of the North

When his qualifications are adjudged
His life was worthy
He was born of noble blood
Yet never cared to be a ruler
His was a love of joust
A love of battle
His skills and wisdom
And skill in swords
Made him perfect for Arthur's table
Ywain was not a castle knight
He rode his beautiful horse
From domain to domain
Son of Uriens and Morgan Le Fay
He impressed the best of the table
His talents and skills stood ready
He came from the North lands
Where dragons still reigned
Where giants still walked
He was young in heart
Faithful and devout
A bit wild in his spirit
When met Esclados li Ros
Also known as the Red Knight
They clashed with swords
Testing each other
Before the magic water font
The Red Knight guarded
And his wife Laudine
Was the Lady of the Fountain
Both seemed equal
In the end Esclados was slain
And in his last bleeding steps
Led Ywain to the home
He shared with the Lady
Ywain spoke to the widow
To comfort her spirit
In a moment he becoming smitten
He courted her
Over time she fell in love as well
They married and for a short time
They gloried in each other
However
Ywain's spirit of adventure
Ever chafed at being tamed
When Sir Gawain called upon them
He reminded Ywain of his duties to Arthur the king
Both knights left,
Not before Ywain promised to return soon
Only to be gone years
In the thrill of adventure
He finally returned to their home
And the Lady of the Fountain
Spurned him
Only after repeated, and torturous pleading
Actions, and desperate tears
Did they unite again

Golden

The art they created
Reflected their world
Pristine beauty
As if offered upon an altar
They were inspired
To dream of gods and heroes
Lovers and lore
Longing only to lay
In Elysian fields
Upon furs and heather
Surrounded by soft grass and breezes
And the scent of lavender
Revealing their muse
For the listener and the scholar
Without pretense nor self awareness
No auditorium for the songs
No moment of knowing
Their words would last forever

Falling

Called to become a Thunder God
My life shared for my parents' land
Tears will never stop from falling
This storm is our last stand

I am pleased to have the honour of having been chosen as a member of a Special Attack Force that is on its way into battle, but I cannot help crying when I think of you, Mum. When I reflect on the hopes you had for my future ... I feel so sad that I am going to die without doing anything to bring you joy.
— Ichizo Hayashi, last letter home a few days before his final flight. April 1945

Gaze at me

Your gaze strikes me
An icy feeling leads straight in
I can't feel anything
But pain
I am pale and dying
You can't hear me scream
But I am
You can't see me crying
But I am
And I can't fly
Because there is nothing left
That I can do
You burned my wings
You burned my spirit
Ate my flesh
Yes you made me scream
But I can't hear it

Red Deer

you

I spent all the time before we met
Preparing to be the one you want
Learning the lessons that life had spent
Your love is a pristine font

How did I know to wait for you?
Somehow I felt it, I just knew
Atop the mountain God left me a clue
'Don't follow until I say pursue'

Hunger

I hunger for you
As a man who has been empty
And seeking the flesh
Of another
My soul burns askew
Because my modus vivendi
Does not allow me
To simply take from a lover

Your form is so very tempting
Your manner so elegant
I lose my breath
And have never been eloquent
I am led to you and am melting
Your flesh so exquisite
Waiting will cause my death
My desperation is evident

I am yours
Take me
Cure my pain
Need me

The Northern Crusade

In a land of frozen ground
Swamps of mire and clay
Wheat fields for miles
Two titans of steel clashed
Lives were frozen in fear
As warriors of renown
Fought in a haze
Of hatred and denial
Evoking memories of the past
Wearing armor, steel and spears
An epic battle fought upon the ice 
Neither empire still lives
Over time they went extinct
They fought again and again
In the present we can see
No one gains victory
When two people are slaughtered
And only hateful legacies
Remain

For More Reading:

Being chased

The snow makes every step look burned into white
As if every sin I've committed is burning bright
An unforgiven, unbreakable dark hold
That will chase me
Until I die

Ascending

I will not untie the knot
That holds my soul
Together
I 've been given my lot
And have no control
When I fall through the aether

I am born unto this place
My soul wet and new
Shivering from birth
My flesh and spirit embrace
Entwining the truth
Breaking every curse

Upon my death
My temporal state passes
I will ascend
And will be reborn
When this journey is at an end

Slave to fears

I have been a slave to my fears
And you've broken me with words
Slashed and burned my heart
Your heart plays musical chairs
And whoever you choose is cursed
Your cruelty is state of the art
I refuse to surrender
Because I remember
That I do not need to be
Your focus of hate

Adieu

Nothing you could have said
Could've wounded me
like that
Did
Since you think
Our love is dead
I'll no longer pretend
To be a diplomat or acrobat
Regarding the status of us
Because there is no justice
When love is the venue
Where our emotions are dissected
And examined
No more innuendo
Only two who feel dejected
Rejected
Left without hope
Except
Please understand
I know but a few things
Yet, the one thing I know
Without hesitation
Is that my love
Is completely true
And it burns so hot
I am wounded
Because my love
Burns only for you
Until you realize that
I will live apart
Far away from here
So for now
Or ever
I bid you adieu

Fit it

I never have been able to make my memories fit
The truth of what happened between us
Unrequited love is the only thing worse
than unrequited hate
The corners of the expanse of my mind are lit
By the fire you caused inside me
Burning all the things
That never mattered
A desire insatiate
A mind full of broken dreams
Of a life not spent together
I said I'd love you forever
And that promise seeps through
Every atom of my flesh
Every moment of my breath
And I will ever regret
Never tasting the lips
Of the one who moved me
And still
Beyond imagination

Upon my knees

Weary as an escapee
Fleeing the huntmaster's hounds
My body is done
I can't go on
My king, my king
The shine of your crown
Blurs my eyes
Forgive me please
I say that I am exhausted
But what I truly am is finished
It doesn't matter where I was going
The journey is ended
No matter the fanfare at the beginning
My heart has learned
My brain has grown
And my love for you,
My king
Is undiminished
But the road has been so desperate
My heart has grieved so much
I buried so many companions
I can't bear to still walk upon this
Now Holy ground

Me the father, Her the mother

When I first got married
I was filled with fire
And lust
I had found a sanctuary
With one I desired
And could trust
Then the years rolled
And sorrow took a toll
Losing our hearts to loss
Unborn children in utero
We finally made it through
With a son so glorious
We forgot about each other
Now it was me the father
And her the mother
How could I have known
I'd felt the joy
Didn't realize the cost
Of being still in love
While being fulfilled
By the love of the new son
And now he leaves
Back now to the same two people
Who had been there at the start
Will we be lovers
Or just two old farts

Not again

Stop the flood
End the torrential rains
Inside my heart
I am losing blood
Going insane
I can't start
All over again
End the deluge
I'm not deluded
I know where I am
And can't take the pain again
Stop the flood
Broken memories and hurt
I'd give anything
For my brain to stop replaying
The same things I've done
Over and over
It rings inside my head
I'd give anything
For the chance to become deaf
Inside
Stop the flood
I can't do this
Not for anyone

PTSD

Defiant

I can't count the times I've tried
The failures are piled so high
Giving up when the cost is death
Means never stopping to cry
I never regret mistakes
If I truly repent
Move forward
My heart might break
I can't forget
Even if I cry inside
I know the price
And keep trying

Swimming with the Piranha

Loving you is a catastrophe
You make me cry
You make bleed
Severing my limbs
You make me scream

Swimming in a kid's pool
You smile at first
And then the sharks strike
The piranha attack
I am just a fool

With no hope on the horizon
I resist
But I am just your pawn
I refuse to fight
And you stab me in the back

At the end

Je suis fini

If there is nothing left to live for, is it worth dying for?
Is wanting to die worse that not wanting live
What if the world burns like thermite
What if my existence is a burden
What if the world considers me to be a parasite
I stand unconvinced of my purpose
There is less and less having any sort of worth

Je suis fini

I am done

COLLISION

The gods and mountains of the earth watched and whispered
Soon a culling of the young would happen
One future Emperor versus a sitting Emperor
One ascendant people against one in decline
The Persians and allies were insulted by the invasion
By the Macedonian army and sister states of Greece
Thracians and Greeks led by the divine
Two armies meet, clashed, and slaughter ensued
The gods and earth watched two armies bleed
Spilling the youth blood
Young warriors who could never be replaced, new wine

"Our enemies are Medes and Persians, men who for centuries have lived soft and luxurious lives; we of Macedon for generations past have been trained in the hard school of danger and war. Above all, we are free men, and they are slaves. There are Greek troops, to be sure, in Persian service — but how different is their cause from ours! They will be fighting for pay — and not much of at that; we, on the contrary, shall fight for Greece, and our hearts will be in it. As for our foreign troops — Thracians, Paeonians, Illyrians, Agrianes — they are the best and stoutest soldiers in Europe, and they will find as their opponents the slackest and softest of the tribes of Asia. And what, finally, of the two men in supreme command? You have Alexander, they — Darius!"  Alexander the Great as recorded Anabasis Alexandri by Arrian

NOOOOOO

Every movement watched
I can't sleep let alone dream
My heart no longer trusts
My mind only screams
Let me be
Let me escape this torment
Not one moment
Lived away from her sight
Memories haunt me
And then I lose my mind
Again
I resist
But the indecision
Casts me deep
Into the dark abyss

My Majesty, My High Queen

I prayed for an angel and God acquiesced
She was sent
Her porcelain skin
Red hair and lips torture me
As does her voice
And glorious scent
That I catch upon my tongue

She is the one
But every time
She plays demure
I've known her
My entire being
Even before we met
Elle tient mon coeur
 
The wild atmosphere is full of spark
When she opens her eyes
The rains start to fall
Celebrating the entry of a monarch
The sky still cries
Because didn't accept the call

This life, this hope I have
Compels me to love 
You are the one
And my dreams are begun

The mountains reach to heaven
Any time she smiles
I ask if you ever awaken
I have to sleep to enter her procession
Without her I enter exile
And accept my fate being forsaken

I cannot bear this burden
Of being a fortunate son
My heart is shunned 
I worry of coming undone

Now and always have been
She is the majestic queen of my life
Into the heavens I gaze
And I pray to enter her dreams again
Should she take my hand as my wife
My heart would burst ablaze

Sand

Lives pass so fast
There is a feeling
At the end
That you are being pulled
Into the abyss
Of time
Forces you can neither see
Nor know
All there is collapses
Like a great plan
Shredded by circumstance
And chance
Our lives are seconds
Sand passing
Through a god's hand
In a desert and desolation
A wasteland
We are dust
Tossed by wind
And we dance
Without control
Only to have some hope
That the music is inside
 Will take us to the promised land

Burning Pain Within

The burning pain within
Is not raging sin
It is the pain of birth
That echoes still
That holy fire inside
Cannot be cyanide
It is the memories of the death
Of our warm embrace
Of the womb
We are all shattered
Our dreams and hopes scattered
By the life we are forced to live
That leads us to the tomb

By his hands created

Alone with my creations
I have watched from the heavens
With a thought the earth formed below
I have seen the stars form in the sky
Celebrated when the temporal and eternal
Joined together in wedding
Celebrated with the sun
And sent the winds, rains, and snow
Watched as beauty
Led Gaia to cry
I have watched humans
Grow up from children
Rise from the mud and the sea
To become makers of destruction
For their own amusements
And I have looked away
As free will led them to die
By their own hand
Their creations escaped

Questions about our ancient ancestors

The ancient world was the mother
Of so many wonderful things
So many beautiful creations
So many mysteries
Did they leave this planet
Were the ancients far advanced
Did they fight modern wars
Only to die in catastrophic collapse
Or were they able to leave
Before the final attacks
Why did they leave such
megaliths
So different than our imaginings
Will they come back
Will they forget we exist
Far from here
Or did they die as we will
In a devastating climactic shift?

On high, the view from the gods

Hovering above the world
The atmosphere is cold
And silent and unwelcoming
I stare down towards the blue orb
And shed a tear for the suffering
My view is of the gods
Above the small details
I linger in the moment
Walking in space
A cold embrace
Floating on high
Gazing below is a perfect place
So blue
So green
Beautiful, so fair
The world seems serene
But humans are animals
There are no dreams
It is impossible to sleep
No quiet there
Not even for a moment

“Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to the animals, for they are without sin, while you, with all your greatness, you defile the earth wherever you appear and leave an ignoble trail behind you -- and that is true, alas, for almost every one of us!”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

We Bear the Cross

 
After our Savior's death and rebirth,
His having been crushed for our sins

We were left
We were moved
Seeking the chalice
The holy vessel
Catching the wine
Spilled of his blood
Our tears a flood
We searched
We quested
We were broken
We were tested
Our hearts
Full with the honor
Blessed with the challenge
Bearing the banner
Our souls made whole
This journey
Had no path
But we endured
Death the destination
Our search for the chalice
Our quest not the end
We possessed salvation
The chalice of blood
When tasted breaking the grip
Of damnation
We attain only by accepting
The path made true
Bearing his banner
Knowing what is good

 
“Men of God are not just born, they are formed”― John Paul Warren