Depths of misery

Nothing to do but to hate the one
I've become
Nothing to see in me but
The failure I am as a son
When this life has run
The length of the time
It is meant
I can never know
Why I failed
Or in what column
Or sort
And then
How can I wash off
The stink of loss
The stench of worthlessness
And the rain of the empty
Pours over me
Will it bring
A metamorphosis
Or will I lay shaking
In the depths
Of my misery
Of this
My faithless existence

Depressed?

We break
We are depressed
We sing our sorrow
With every step
We lose our faith
Our beliefs
Stealing every breath
How can we breathe
We grieve our future
While losing tomorrow
Fears like a spider's web
Fully weaved
And now what is left
What will we lose
If we never forgive
Never forget
Holding debts
Like a madmen possessed
What is left
But regret
Singing in our heart
Sorrow in our minds
Borrowing pain
By holding it all
Inside

find a way to be redeemed

I have walked for many miles
And have thought
Too many thoughts
I've lived in denial
Can't remember
All the times I fought
I am still moving
And refuse to stay silent
Because if I do
It crushes me
I become suicidal
There are so many words
That bubble inside of me
I can't stay quiet
No matter my misery
So I keep upon this journey
And remember my past
Refuse to give in
No matter what
I've been asked to do
Because I won't
I just can't
There are not shortcuts
Even with a heart of hope
You just have to be
Patient
Willing to bend
Allow yourself to fall
Find some time to mend
And remember how long
How pitiful this
Would all become
If you did it
Even win it
Without love
And you forgot who
You are supposed to be
Just keep moving
And find a way
To be redeemed

Even the Atoms hum

A sweet scent lingers
In the air, after you depart
Reminds me by all my senses
Why I believe
In the power of your soul
In the majesty of your heart
Your eyes are my portal
To a different universe
And I travel there
To see a future
For I am your suitor 
Your beloved
Your unworthy servant
Dutiful and below
Your highness
So beautiful
Your being is erotic
Exquisite
And no one
Is able to quench
The fire inside
Once begun
Burns
It makes me shiver
Because of you
Your form is my delight
Your mind my treasure
I hear sounds of pleasure
From the atoms
Exploding
As they hover around you
Attracted to the sight
Of your body
It is powerful
Motivation
It is desire
That is beyond my
Control
My inclination
Is to dive
Inside
Let my soul fly
In your sky
And never
Ever let me
Go

Just words

It is just words
I know but
I loved you always
I never told you
How much it hurts
To be here
And you there
I feel cursed
Compelled to be
In constant desire
With someone
I can never be with
Being on fire inside
For one
Who is forbidden
If I let it linger
It will grow perverse
I will become
Deviant
And worse
From the isolation
So I let you go
In my heart
Even if it kills me
For it will kill me
In any way
If I do not
Just words
But
I love you
And I let you
Go
Because I know
I have to
And do

Eternal Conflict

Eternity is beyond
The flesh and temporal existence
Once there in that reality
The light is not blinding
It is revealing
The darkness does not cloak
It is a state of mind
There is no such thing
As choosing between lesser evils
There is only knowing the truth
And identifying lies
Understanding the consequences
Of immorality
As taught by the Prince of Hell
The Lord of the Flies
As a warrior
I long to serve my king
I take up my shield
My sword
My armor
My helm
And entering battle I sing
Praises to him
For the truth is unwavering
And there is nowhere
Nothing greater
No thing greater to die for
Than that truth
The light
The creator king

Walk into the dark

We are told
To be obedient
We are sold
The perfect way
We become
What we endure
We are done
Before we say
Please leave me
Here
Do not think
That you can help
Allow me my sorrow
Allow me my time
I need to grieve
Because
That's all I have
Not the past
Not tomorrow
Nothing works
So let me be
Alone
There is no one
Who will save us
From ourselves
We create
Our personal prisons
And we dwell
In our own hell
Walk
into the darkness
Knowing I
Am not alone
I have my memories
That never leave
And I will bleed
Into the black

By This Sacrifice

We have our lives to offer
But in return we have much to gain
We seek pleasure and riches
Without work and without pain
We bow before the steam and steel
Our God Mammon is waiting
What does it matter
That we have no freedom
So long as we are fat
So long as we sleep
And our dreams are not fading

"Cursed Mammon be, when he with treasures
To restless action spurs our fate!
Cursed when for soft, indulgent leisures,

He lays for us the pillows straight."

Johann Wolfgang von Goeth

No hope, tied up with

My choices have been narrowed
To surrender and obedience
Or being tied up and resisitence
I stand and stare at the warden
Mental freedom is my only possession
And I know others think I am defiant
But it is a choice
Let others live my life
And do as they tell me
Or I refuse
And wither in absolute control
Of my own mind
And their bindings

Flesh is a mask

I am aware of this truth, that life doesn't forgive
We exist, we live for a variety of reasons
But despite knowing this
I know too
Flesh is a mask
It isn't who I am
Living life is a brutal task
I've been ready to go for a very long time
So where will I go, if I leave this life?
I will enter the land of shadows
My soul will be hollow
My mind is fallow
My hopes are shallow
Flesh is a mask
Flesh is a lie
There is nothing to prove
Death is the ultimate entrance
To the final repast

Rescued

She needed to be persuaded
But in the end she believed
And my silent torture ended
When my ring she received


A wee poem about my wife

A letter home from war

Father of my family
Mother of my land
Dear Rome
Great and wise Emperor
Mighty Caesar
So august are thee
I have marched for you
In the cool autumn mists
Of Hibernia
I have climbed the walls
Fought near Pictish rings
In Caledonia
I have crawled
Wounded and bleeding
Upon Roman roads
To Londinium
And I haven't seen my home
In a decade
I was born alone
And have upon this earth
Sought to serve you
And honor your ways
I have roamed
Wandered
As it were
With many good men
Does my family recognize
My voice now as I've aged
Would they hide their face in shame
For the wars we have waged
Dearest Rome
Mighty Caesar
I long to see the hills
But I fear that
My Legion
Will be damned
With unconquered lands
Left to crush
With wild men left to kill
And to the last drop
Of good men's blood
Your dreams shall be
Fulfilled

Before Mammon

Some desire to know him
They should instead feel shame
Some seek to worship this beast
And bow before him
His name is Mammon
But to understand his way
Does not require inquiries arcane
His throne is built
Upon desire
Upon envy
Upon golden coin
And silver rain
He is a prince in his realm
The fires of Hell are his domain
He taxes our selfish nature
With his will he compels
Human nature to fall
Into his pit of slaves
Who he controls
Where he sells the souls
And casts out the bones
To be gnawed upon
And the souls in time
Deteriorate 
As they fall apart
And they fade from view
Over the millennia
Of torture
And slowly learning
The eternal truths

Behind the final veil

The reaper tends
His field of harvest
Life decayed
Far past
The time of crisis
After so many years
Of the human virus
We've ignored the signs
Telling us
It is forever the end
The plague has struck
Mankind has faded
The reaper has reaped
What he had sewn
The day is over
The vintage tainted
The wine poured out
And the day
Done

“I have no idea what's awaiting me, or what will happen when this all ends. For the moment I know this: there are sick people and they need curing."  Albert Camus, The Plague

h-a-n-g-m-a-n

Forbidden circumstances
Nothing left inside
Blank stares
Taking chances
Closed minds
Preaching to the masses
Playing a game
Called hangman
There is no winner
And to play you will die
Losers all around
Can't face the end
Can't choose the noose
In the end
They cut you down
You'll lay in a heap
Upon the ground

When Ideologies clash, the blood is still red

When the Moors swept into Spain and Portugal
Stopped only when the Hammer struck in France
The scimitar and crescent moon was slowed
They held part of Europe but wanted it all
Over time the Moors settled in, despite being unwelcome
Catholic Spain and Portugal burned, desire for revenge flowed
But until the forces could organize behind a leader
They had to wait, until the Moorish hold melted

Over time the Spanish became the best knights in Europe
From their constant battles, with the Moors
And in time the leaders rose, to lead their people
It took 700 years of blood
700 years of labor
700 years of battle
To achieve freedom

The Reconquista was not started by Christians
It was a response to Muslim expansion
The Crusades were a part of it
The Muslim threat responded to with action
Modern day equivalents
Cannot be drawn
But the lasting damage remains
The battles begun in 700AD caused wounds
That have not healed in the present day...

When Death has Victory

We dance with death
Every day we do
Our time is short
Death is not a friend
Sometimes life is not
Either
We wait for joy to happen
If our existence can find accord
But the dance itself
Is not worth the wait
But Death gets the final word
Unless
Our prayers
Our imaginings
Our greatest wishes
Become true
But so far
We don't know
And won't
Until
You know
You find out the hard way

I wasn't caught

Some people told me
That I look better
But you know what
I am still in shock
I am sorry
It was me who just called
Your phone was either busy
Or you didn't answer
I hung up before I found out
I didn't want to be found
Caught in the head lights
I am still
So ashamed
So embarrassed
Still a child
Still such a fool
I can't deal with all the regret
And let's not begin with forget
I can't live another day
Until I say
I still think about you
Every moment
And whisper your name
With every breath
I draw inside
I worry for you
Since you said goodbye
Love destroyed my mind
You bid me adieu
I fell back
In dead feint
I was sure I'd die
I couldn't believe
And that was just
The beginning
In time
I learned
How badly I was infected
And truly I regretted
Ever knowing
Ever meeting
Such a person
Who'd steal my innocence
Because I love you
Still
I miss you
Badly
And I will become a ghost
Here
As I long for you
Madly

Isolation

We had nothing
It wasn't a great surprise
For we understood something
Others did not
This life is temporary
This life is bent
But then world ended
After many bombs were dropped
We were aware that the world was different
But without television, radio, internet
We didn't know the degree
We'd be isolated
Far from society
Without much need
But food, and purpose
And of those two
We had dried and frozen food
To last 50 years
But purpose?
Simple survival is not purpose
We had nothing but food
And for us
It didn't mean anything
So what did we really have
Isolation
And nothing more
It would have to suffice

The Haunting

I burn within
Still these years later
She haunts my life
But not as a ghost
No
She left a mark upon my heart
Her words drew me in
Her eyes cast a spell
But deep scars left behind were carved
And I still long
For her
I still hear her voice
And when I catch her scent
She is all I ever imagined
That God could ever have sent
But she haunts me
Every thought
Every move
Every time she isn't near
My heart is wounded within
By and by
Thick and thin
My life goes on
Alone
But for the haunting
But for the memories
Of perfection taunting me
I long for her
Looking for a lover's touch
I long for her
But I shall never
Be restored
Never be redeemed
Of this pain
Of this dream
That never fades
I long for her
And always will

Black Blizzard Dust Bowl America

I fell to the ground
Choking from the blood
Coughing from breathing
The dust
A moving pitch black huge cloud
Like a tsunami wave or flood
On my knees as if I was pleading
Black out
Zero visibility
The power of the wave of black earth
Lifted into the clouds
As a storm
Pushed my body
And dropped me, I was bleeding
Nothing was going to stop it
So I hugged the prairie floor
I found a place that was rocky
And prayed
I had no choice
I couldn't outrun it
I couldn't fight it
The storm pushed you
Through the core
I survived
Some did not
We were the remnant
The remaining few
The residue
Who stayed behind
To farm the soil
Not stolen
By the wind

Golgotha Red Skies

First he was betrayed by a kiss
In a garden of prayer
Then, he was broken
By torture and flaying
His thin body was blood covered
As he carried the cross beam
Of this ancient killing device
Meant to steal life slowly
Once nailed to the wood
Nearly nude
He barely moved
But was unashamed
His cross sandwiched
Between two criminals
He was a King without an earthly throne
On a hill called the skull cap
This man, who was god
Sent by his father
Was slain
Broken by hanging
Like meat upon a tree
In a torturous fashion
Upon a Friday
The Romans allowed
The crowd to be satisfied
By giving them a choice
He was crushed and pierced
Suffocated by the method of his killing
Yet, despite his ordeal
He returned and defied logic
By proving his divine birthright

Rise up, Consume the hubris in fire

I saw a world before me
Filled with the poor
The wounded
The hungry
And only then did I see
The great war
By those with money
Towards their lessers
We are not able
Despite our rage
To rise to meet them
Because of our chains
We are tired
Oh God, hear our cry
Bring food to the table
Bring reward to our toil
Bring hope to our days
And consume the hubris
With eternal fires

the spin continues

This world fears and spins still
Life continues and ignores
Sorrow spills
Your heart is a closed door
You can't take more
But the rest of us
Knowing there is no justice
Fell off the wheel
And enter nil
Black hole
Of oblivion
Obsidian door way
To feeling nothing
We might sleep and heal
Despite having no control
Of our future
Or even our present
Nothing is certain
No goals
No failures
Just knowing
My sin within
My light is darkened
And without hope I swim
In the waters of time
Without knowing
Where it leads
Or where the path ends

Steel and Stone

A world that birthed
Hitler and Stalin
Mao and Amin
Might have been brutal
And seem cursed
But it was not barbarism
With its laws of steel
And stone
That made men cruel
Rather, the hiding behind
Walls of stone
Leaving the fields go fallow
For the peasants have fled
And the dreams of Camelot
Poured out and bled
While we consider states
To be evident
Of the rise of civilization
It was not
Steel and stone have rules
That are understood
Inside a man's heart
Civilizations was mutation
From understood values
To those written upon paper
Knowing what was true
Differs from being told
The same

Any longer

I am without words
When presented with
The obvious
Crimes
I grieve
Through the shame
I can feel the rain
Of the pouring down
Lies
Oh, sorrow, I saw the fire in your eyes
Lose the flame
I used to feel the burn
But now I am disguised
With my soul in the masquerade
I hide from the world as it turns
Losing you more with every day
And the slow decay
Is one I can never slow
Much less make end
The fall, a landslide
Sweeps my hopes away
And inside I am losing
Every final hope
I ever had
That might have mattered
Why try any longer
I've been denied
I've been cast aside
And now there is nothing
Anymore
It is wrong
I am bleeding
Without a way
To stop it
From emptying my heart
Upon the ground
And now I am gone
After believing
For so very long

Two Tribes

Glimpses trapped in memory
The drums can still be heard
The echoes are timed
To the beat
Every march and step
Onward
To defeat
The enemy
So far unbeaten
Their transgressions unchecked
The villages are endangered
The horns are calling
To call the tribes
To battle
Into conflict both sides meet
The slaughter is bountiful
The loss of life is completed
The sides retreat
A confluence of blood remains
The corpses are unaccountable
For the mess left behind
The clash solved the issue
That now no one
Remembers well
Carrion scattered
Like lives shattered
With the next generation
Living  in hell

I love

I love
Because I am human
And have a space waiting
To be filled by another
Who will lift me up
Above the ruins
Of our worst devastation
We perform upon our own
I love
Am lifted above
The primal needs
By being filled
To full
By another's cup
I love
Because I am loved
I hope
Because there is hope
I am free
Because I have been redeemed
By the redemptive joy
Of loving without guile
That comes with pain
And grieving
I love
Because I was made
To know the depths
Of eternity
And I love you
Because from the first
I saw forever
In your eyes
And am unable
To hide my soul
To avert your viewing
By thought I've memorized
Every contour 
Of your gaze
So alluring
And I love
Because of you
And my heart is nude
Wearing no disquise
No masquerade
For you alone
We are a pas de deux
And I am satisfied

Chastised by him still

Chastised by him
The adversary
Challenging me
To dwell in my past
Castrating me
Condemning me
Time proving my fragility
That flesh is temporary
Being human I understand
That this misery cannot last
I am simply a being
Without distinction
Who tried
While my flesh has been animated
There is proof of life
The truth of the corollary
Is that I have worth
Only by my actions
My footsteps left a mark
As if in snow
For every tear I've cried
From everything I've known
Every grieving heart
Every sorrow
What we do
Echoes
Forward unto the next generation
In the form of the world
By what we leave behind
I will sacrifice all I am
To help my child survive
And avoid humanity's hand
Of mankind
Causing damnation

Your beauty

(Dedicated)

Your beauty compares
To nature's grace
More lovely than the scent
One catches of jasmine
More beautiful
Is your face
Than the orchids in bloom
And of taste,
Your kisses rival honeysuckle
Before you
I lay prostrate
Overwhelmed
And aroused
You are complete in perfection
And I am redeemed
After life had condemned me
The stars shine less
Than your eyes
And I long
To dive in them
And be consumed

Young hubris, young enthusiasm

I believed in his words
That I could do anything
So when he gave me wings
I knew I could fly
 He warned me about being
Reckless, but that was just
to keep me safe
just to keep me from
falling
 When he said I was free
To ascend to the heavens
I knew he was telling me
To leap into the sky
So I did
My back arched upward
My arms straight high
And I took three steps
And leapt
And I was flying
I could smell the ozone
From the clouds burning off
The sun was so bright
I could feel my skin tingling
And then I felt
Wax upon my arms
Wet from melting
And my feathers
Started falling
One
by
One
by
Two
then more
Then the sun
Melted my wings
So fast
I was unable
To fly over the sea
Or the shore
I fell
Fell
Through the sky
And saw the ocean
Rising up
To strike me
For my being
So rash