soul eyes

single stream of tears
pouring down from pain
holding out my hand
begging for relief
the burning is intense
but I hold off the fear
the anguish is insane
making my last stand
challenging my beliefs
angels from heaven descend
As my soul closes its eyes

The Sun Never Rises

She refused to stop
And it broke me
The needle kept its place
Never leaving her vein
God it broke my heart
She was so high, aloft
She had no memory
I walk alone in my pain
I can't begin to start
Hoping ever again
No point and still
I am ashamed
For she chose drugs
Over me
Since she left
The sun never rises
The morning sun never comes up
My world has collapsed
And still
My love for her remains

healing grace

The day when our hearts met
I was unaware of forgiveness
I didn't understand how it worked
But it does, deeply it does
For you healed me by your love
With a grace that is high above
Your love left my heart marked
With grace, without which I'd be undone

Winged Hopes

In the darkness we were waiting
And there he was
The great god Hermes aloft above the earth
Waiting for us to simply look towards him
The Gods were here, liberating
Supporting our cause
Helping us break the curse
And while the battle grim
We never relented
Nor gave in
For we knew
The gods were upon our side

Had Morpheus lied or forgotten

I dreamed I'd made a promise
But when my eyes opened
You weren't here
And all I had
Ever thought was true
Was gone

Had Morpheus forgotten
Or was I no longer his chosen
I just needed you near
Was your love a fad
Now my flesh turned blue
And just a pawn

God I prayed and there is nothing
I have nothing left to want or need
I know for a fact
I will never sleep again
For fear of finding the truth
I am not loved or wanted

No more love no more trusting
Never again do I want to dream
Life and love is a task
All there is, is pain
Nothing can soothe
And forever now, I will be haunted

Unburied, left to rot

They lay where they had died
Their flesh now rotted
Not understanding they had no chance to survive
Ambushed by 10 times greater numbers
Turkish cavalry with bow
Shot them down with arrows
Though they bravely stood
And fought there
No came to bury them
No one knew what happened
Over decades they were forgotten
And in due time
They were gone
Dust upon the floor
Of the canyon

BURNED BY ATOMIC FIRE

Painted upon a tragic canvas
It was a tapestry revealing
Epic disasters
Brought upon ourselves
Burning as shadows
Left in nuclear catastrophes

In a split second they were gone
But the essence of their being
Left behind
The casualties of a contest
A war  between races
With two sides

Both sides were wrong
Both resorted to war
Without clemency or mercy
Who decides the choices
When madness reigns
Peace was for them unworthy

The inferno unleashed
Destroying lives
Without prejudice
While some celebrated
Others despaired
Nemesis versus nemesis

Instead of learning from the mistakes of the past
Humanity adopted what they call
Technical progress
And prepared to take further steps
With weapons of last resort
The future path is one of moral regression

Ask yourself and weep
What is war but murder
With official sanction
We've entered a place
At last, at last
Of having no sanctum

Every human is a target
That invites violence
From every corner
We have only to mourn
Only to be shattered
Only to respond to orders

This land is not our own
It is set aside for the future
We haven't a single reason
To understand why it is wrong
This has gone on so long
We've committed epic treason

“We are the centuries... We have your eoliths and your mesoliths and your neoliths. We have your Babylons and your Pompeiis, your Caesars and your chromium-plated (vital-ingredient impregnated) artifacts. We have your bloody hatchets and your Hiroshimas. We march in spite of Hell, we do – Atrophy, Entropy, and Proteus vulgaris, telling bawdy jokes about a farm girl name of Eve and a traveling salesman called Lucifer. We bury your dead and their reputations. We bury you. We are the centuries. Be born then, gasp wind, screech at the surgeon’s slap, seek manhood, taste a little godhood, feel pain, give birth, struggle a little while, succumb: (Dying, leave quietly by the rear exit, please.) Generation, regeneration, again, again, as in a ritual, with blood-stained vestments and nail-torn hands, children of Merlin, chasing a gleam. Children, too, of Eve, forever building Edens – and kicking them apart in berserk fury because somehow it isn’t the same. (AGH! AGH! AGH! – an idiot screams his mindless anguish amid the rubble. But quickly! let it be inundated by the choir, chanting Alleluias at ninety decibels.)”
― Walter M. Miller Jr

To die happy

I am not awake
But I can't sleep
I know this isn't a nightmare
But it sure isn't a dream
I keep saying I've been waiting
But what I really mean
Is my life is over
And I am waiting for Charon
And I have the coins for my eyes
But I keep breathing
I believe
I really really do
So
Why can't I
Just die
River Styx waits for me
But I can't get there
Until it is my time
And I've thrown away
My time piece
And no calendar is worth keeping
All those stupid days
All those things I said
Never real, never true
I am ready
Lord Charon
I am waiting
What is keeping you

Better off dead, no, never again

I am broken
Will never mend
She said
If I loved her
I was crazy
And I if was crazy
I was better off dead
But she didn't know me
Thought she could control me
As if a puppy to be leashed and led
But now I am walking in the darkness
Alone because I thought I knew better
But it is clear I don't
I should have known I never
Ever
Not alive
Not in her bed
I should never have left her
She was right
Now in this midnight place
I know I am here
And here is forever
Forever going to be
Alone, without an embrace
Alone, and better off dead

Nike Guide Us

We do not seek to do battle
Yet we know that burns in our blood
Some fight like lions, others jackals
Our violence is a murderous flood
Therefore
We shall perhaps suffer but not fall
Our way is that of victory
And we answer the call
Our homeland must never be
Under the domination of the enemy
We have one way
It is the only redemption
Die standing
Or live upon your knees
Hope demanding
Defeat is a disease

Your love rescues

Life can be like famine
A drought leading to despair
Hunger and thirst driving us
To land that is fair
Your love rescues me
Bringing peace and justice
To my broken heart
You are my sole prayer
My sole comfort
Let us start
This love
Your love imparts
Only what I need
Like thunder storms pouring rain
You have made me whole
As I look above
To the clouds
I feel your approach
And my soul revels
In your touch

The Screaming is dying

Crows no longer rest upon the branches
Animals no longer use the leaves
To fortify their nests
When the forest was living
A glorious treasure, a winterland
A single tree remains, now ashes
No one though grieves
The world is yet blessed
For its shade was forgiving
Alone it may appear to be damned
None understand the circumstances
The wood yet weaves
Now upon the trunk, ghosts rest
Despite the beauty some see it as forbidding
It yet stands

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.”  John Muir

Last thing we saw

We knew that one had destroyed
Almost everything living before
Another nearly caused the same
As Tunguska was nearly ground zero
When the last comet came
But we now have no idea what to do
Pointing to the heavens
Ignoring scientific truth
We gawk and think
Ooh look here it comes
Thinking life is a video game
But yet without a name

Arrival at Terminus

Since human endeavor began
It has included building walls
Laying track like a scar
Upon the earth's surface
Flying machines in the atmosphere

As if following a master's plan
Our brick and concrete sprawl
Emptied cities after the wars
Our dreams have been encased
In an envelope of fear

We have tried to escape
Without success and only sorrow
This world bleeds from our hands
This is the new world created
Godless and suffering

Forget our endless shame
There may be a tomorrow
With exponential births and finite land
This world now has a future castrated
Covered in ash of the burnt offerings 

“A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at, for it leaves out the one country at which Humanity is always landing. And when Humanity lands there, it looks out, and, seeing a better country, sets sail. Progress is the realisation of Utopias.”   Oscar Wilde

If night never ends

We mistake daylight for hope
As if being awake is a cure for despair
But seeing your doom very clearly
Even if daylight end is late
It doesn't dispel gloom
It isn't really fair
Night is quiet
Cooler than day
It allows thought
Without the normal hate
I hate myself less
When I can be alone
And be in thought
But then again
Why bother
If night never ends
I might be able
To finally sleep

Ancient

Humans like to think that they were the first
No one has accomplished what they have
And we are the sole inheritors of culture
Humans solely have worth
We are emperors of the earth
But there are systems that exist
The balance of art and pragmatism
A form of a tryst
Wherein the humans labor
Sometimes in pointless pursuits
So that they might eat
Food is a commodity
Land is in dispute
No one lives without a cost
Every baby born is an unique being
But their ability to succeed is lost
The world is ancient
All humans are a burden
To the system that existed prior
We presume to understand
But there is nothing to know
We have tried to hold what cannot be held
We have tried to break the wild of nature
Upon the surface we carved
Initials and cities
In the absence of our full control
Earth has rebelled and our ability to adjust
Is questionable
All of our saviors are not only gone
But they've been crucified, shot or starved
And we are running out of time

Resist the forces that demand

We resist the forces that demand
The labors of toil and our hand
We pay the world for the right to live
The ones we ask
To help us in this task
Betray us
And they are beyond forgiveness
Every drop of sweat
Walking in this wasteland
We refuse to bow
And we are broken
Over time we have come to abide
But this life is justice denied
And we are not beings
We are drones
Having no hope
But withstand the grieving

Hello?

Is there anything?
Anything at all?
A simple life form
A being who shares my thoughts?
Oh that there would be
For I have traveled
Across the furthest galaxies
There is nothing there
Even in fertile lands
How I have sought you
I have sought to find me
For I will not be free
Without you in my heart
There is shame in my soul
In my being
My lonely heart empties
Pouring out its secrets
Begging for company
That does not exist

no one chooses

No one chooses their lot
It is assigned at birth
No person gets a pass
Everyone endures the curse
And strangely I know life goes on
But I am not wise enough
Or know just how
I've lingered in a vacuum
Of the heart poured out empty
And I've been taught
How foolish I am
To think it should ever change
Some wonder the silence
In the face of sorrow
Some grieve quietly
Without tears or notice
Others scream
Break the pale
By the scream lift the veil
On their endless heartbreak
Attending a wake in my soul
Giving my emotions control
I can no longer stare off
Staring at walls and ceilings
As if in thought
Must now pay attention
To damage from pain
To the life I've wrought

Grieving

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars,
The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”
― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

dangerous retreat

I needed to retreat
To find a safe haven
Where I might find some rest
You took no captives
I'd been told to beware
You loved without mercy
You had a heart that was brazen
You loved until there was nothing left
Anyone you found who might be attractive
Was invited to your lair
For a dangerous liason of lust
For a powerful intrigue
That would make my heart rust
My brain damaged
And prevent my soul
From ever being able to trust

No Longer Do They Sleep

They were consigned to the earth
Cold and eaten by worms
They now are victims of greed
They are looked upon as a curse
Occupying lands
The living wish for themselves
They do not desire to know
Their own living past
They do not desire to share
The earth with these dead
These sacred shadows
Their very own ancestors
No longer can they dream
Never again do they sleep
The grass no longer grows
The grounds ignored for centuries
Nothing in the world now for them
No hope
No trust
Nothing of worth
Covered in dust
Buried in ash
The truth is lost
With the generation last
This necropolis, this city of the dead
Once met with opulence, lush, deep beauty
This metropolis, bleeding lovely red
Once again, so very ominous, inviting cruelty
Graves now robbed
The dead are molested by the living
When the current generation preys
For they are morally bankrupt
Ignorant and unforgiving

my little girl

Tears roll like rain
Nothing controls this pain
I saw you for an instant
Then you were gone
After you went missing
Only darkness, no dawn
You gave me joy, and made me whole
Life had destroyed me, and took a toll
As I stare out the cracked window pane
I size up my wounds
And view your remains
My sweet little one
I didn't harm you, but my heart will take the blame
I willing to join you, in heaven
Soon before my heart breaks in two
This tragedy is a story in the telling
I understood love once I had you
I pray you will hear my solemn prayer
I am upon my knees
And I believe
You are unique,
So very rare
I have now nothing
And do not care
You were all I had
Now my sorrow is far more than sad
I grieve
I grieve
I grieve

Deep within

Surrender to the ghosts
Who haunt the memories
Of your mind
Recognize your weakness
There are no remedies
For the terrorists inside
Nowhere now to run
You are lost to your kin
Enter now oblivion
Accept and embrace the sin
You've despaired
You've given up
To the depth of darkness
Deep within

Didn't Use That Knife

I remember the events of my life

As if I didn't kill myself, 

Didn't use that knife

My existence was unintentional

 She screamed stop

So I kept on doing it

She said it was indefensible  

So my passing went international

I disagree

We think with splitting the atom
Copying DNA and cloning sheep
We are rising above all expectations
After countless generations
We gloat upon our victories
Of our superior minds
And great societies
And wise civilizations
But I ask
Are our accomplishments truly
Worthy of celebrations and glory
Have we had any moment of moral clarity
We remain what we were
We have not risen
We are bestial and needing to kill
We long for the taste of blood
Should the hunter be offered choice prey
Should the prize be given to the victor
How will they not begin the hunt?
Like fox hunts in their primitive revelry
How will the hunger be redeemed
How will the bestial be fulfilled
To slay the innocent foe in ritual slaying
We still thirst for blood
Long since our kind
Escaped from caves and tribal needs
We should know more
Than better ways to slay
Better means to cull
Better traps to capture
Who we are about to eat
We should be aware
By now
That we need not kill to survive
What we do
With each of our acts
Is to pour upon us a sinful baptism
Our sins pour down like a dirty flood
Who deserves such death pain that we must eat
Who deserves to die in ways we cannot imagine
Who are we to demand such from other creatures
Yes our kind is the apex
The highest link upon the chain
What I do
By my decisions how to eat
How to live
What is important to me
And what is frivolous 
How I eat is not from need
But from choice
My sorrow is for my loss
Of the wild in me
The consequences of my life
Can be measured in death's harvest yield
The echoes of my days as a beast linger
Is it really worth another death
To allow me my wildness
Is it anything but cruel
To kill when I might otherwise
Gather from the field?

By the Sword, Knighted

I am prepared now
By sword she gave me the right
To hold and use arms in battle
I vow to use them with honor
To never quit the fight
To obey my king
To shed my blood if needed
I shall gladly bleed
In battle with the dragon

By any means

We've been ground into paste
By the lies of our parents' generation
We've been pushed
Into fire of the bowels of the earth
To our shame
Told how we are cursed
How we cannot win
Fighting to survive, fighting the hate
But there is no winner
Our generation is pushed to die
With haste

Memory dance

They danced before the elders
To remember the moments when
The people became a single force
They celebrated the wars of their ancestors
Dancing elegantly rather than writing with quill pen
In fashion it would remind, better than joy or remorse

Left without replacement

Forever my friends and loved ones will move me
For my flaws and emptiness they redeemed
I am bereft without them
I long to visit in the place of serenity
And sleep with them next to the tree of life
Where there is no time
And no fears
No tears
A beautiful place
In eternity

My Sanctuary

She is the reason I survived
When I had no reason to do so
When my heart was empty
And my soul cried
She was the reason
I remained alive
I had nothing left to share
I had less than nothing
Pain had taken control
When life bankrupt my existence
She was the sole provider
Of love to my soul
It was so hard to exist
Without hope
Without affection
I learned how deep her love was
How she could soul kiss