Enough

Pain from loss was far more than I could take
But pain from self inflicted wounds was worse
I lingered in shadows of a life no one wanted
I grieved my life, deeply bitter, blaming God
But when I found someone who felt her worth
Never measuring worth of others, comparing
Finding me, so self entitled, I imprisoned me
My heart needed to love as much as seek love
I took a different view, something more true
Instead of my constant need, I'd well enough

“Every one is worthy of love, except him who
thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that
should be taken kneeling.” Oscar Wilde

Only humans can wound it

We aspire to be something special,
To be far more than what we are
But in the glory from our creator
We're loved, able, and we are whole
This world is wonder filled, magnificent
Blessed indeed, found upon an anomaly
A world pregnant with life and resources
We can't praise his work ever enough
But our lives are not at all innocent
One does not need to know prophecy
To that humans are going to fail
But we were sent to find more
Than pleasure and gold
To commit wars and crimes
We have only a short time
In all this planet's years
Once the storm of its birth
Things were not settled
In that form it was struck
By meteors and planets
But since becoming whole
Only humans have wounded it
In the ways that can kill

When I fail again

I have nothing left to offer
Despite my need of your grace
I can only forgive so many times
Before I feel that I'm being used
But there is more in this life
Than hurt feelings, than grieving
I want to feel joy, I want to hope
I need to be loved, and be seen
For I am invisible, and pitiable
I ask endlessly to be healed
But my body decays
If I were the one chosen
I am sure I'd be useless
For the sacrifice is not pure
I am not spotless, not sinless
I am a mistake, a fool
But I believe, and hope
My only hope is to be redeemed
The one who makes that happen
Is you

Time in Elysium

The days go by without time to measure them
A land of peace and gentle existence, timeless
What's there to worry about a beautiful horizon
The insane pace of life will fade, to a calm rest
Once we all receive our daily bread, time ends
Reaching a moment of time, that doesn't grow
The standstill, is not uncomfortable, it is calm
I lay upon the side of the hill, in golden grass
Watching the horizon, with gentle warmth
And the days roll into other days, again
Then again it will linger in the moment
A land of gentle, perfect beauty, fertile
The days never get hot, never grow cold
Only rest, joy, and love for each other
No seasons, no history, no legacy
Only redemption, and peace

Just Follow?

I chose this path, knowing it leads to Hell
I burn inside from a way of walk, my fall
Lord called me to be, but my soul seethes
For I choose the worst things, I can't sleep
I can't dream, I am trapped in this question
How can a God perfect, create one like me
Full of sin, full of hungers, none are good
I was a stain from the beginning, doomed
Jesus offers grace, rather than punishment
Can't understand how I do not have to be
Perfect before I am clean, I'm redeemed
He didn't tell me be clean first, he said
Come follow me

The Crowd Cheers the Battle

That rhythm and time, the sound of the crowd

Sweating, exhausted from a gladiatorial battle
Bleeding from wounds, but not enough to die
Closer one comes to dying, arena becomes loud
Sands, the floor of the arena, steps uncertain
We don't hate the opponent, we honor his name
In a fight for the entertainment of the arena
A fight that will steal the life of one of those
In battle, fight for the pleasure of the crowd
He will die, losing any chance to be free
He'll die there on the arena floor, alone
Without hope of healing, or bed to die on
Citizens will pay to get in, to watch this
Violence is to entertain, a people lost
They gained an empire, but gave it up
For the ease of living, without honor

WE ARE FOREVER

The drums of war, the fires of violence
The bodies are scarred, by our actions
We do not carry the word of our Gods
We fight to feed our people, and live
The drums of war, the horns call out
We are coming, we will be there soon
If we'd quit this, our people would die
We will travel oceans and cross the land
And spread our way, and bring doom
They call us the Rus, for our red hair
And our complexion, polish by wind
This season of slaying, will end soon
But we will have changed our world
And we will have changed our lands
Neither proud to slay, nor to disdain
We're the Vikings, and we're forever

The Last Voyage

Years fully now upon me, the injuries and scars never fade
Winds blow through my being, chilling me fully through
I was navigator, by stars tracking, we sail in the darkness
My years as a very respected officer of my chieftain's crew
Oh truly I've been given something, good for life, saved
For a living mind grows, embraces winds and ocean blue
Lands found, people we meet, and the sword's sharpness
This will be my last voyage, I intend to live well and true
This life I was given was rare, one enjoyed, but painful
A life for the dark minded but light hearted, a life fair
A bleeding wound, no abate, I know I will die here
Where I've spent life, let me be fed to the sharks
They survive as do we, let me be thrown to them
I want to die feeding their hunger, with no fear
I've lived long, loved the life I was given
I wished to die at see, a joy long hidden
Now to Odin in Valhalla I will cheer
In the throes of ecstasy, knowing
Ices floes are red with my blood
I died well and valkyr approach
Choose me now maidens
I am ready!

The Emptied soul

A day arrived, and nothing whatsoever felt like it mattered
The pain was always there, hadn't changed, but was not worse
The joy, what little there was, only sometimes burst through
It was not noticed the times when it happened, silent, cold
I don't know why, but when tears fell, there was no release
As I lost beloved members of my circle, I felt zero, nothing
Went to the mirror, blew upon it, mist occurred I was alive
The truth, I would've been more happy if I'd been a ghost
At least it'd explain the brokenness and unspoken fear
Every day, I live my life, simply feeling pain, longing
Could 50 years of belief in an ideal, in practice of love
Somehow, not have been worth the time or effort?
No, I know it was worth it, but I was empty.
C'est la guerre, Je suis fini

An Unhappy Man

Smoking cigarettes, slurring his words
                   His seat buckle wasn't clicked tight
           Drinking a beer while driving wasn't actually legal
But what the hell
             He didn't have anyone waiting on him
       No love
nothing nearly enough
                          So what if he crashed
    He wouldn't even be one to be counted
He'd be the last of the last
                   The highway crew would scrape his remains
                                     put his bits in a bag
Who knew a life could hurt more than
               That death could be more peaceful
          More than fulfilling
That unliving could be something
                   more than the real thing
                          But you'd maybe hope so
You hear people say so
But they are all alive
             Am I right? Yes?
            It is easy therefore
You can say or do anything
        but unless you know
and how would you know
      if you don't do it
How the hell would you know
                                        Just how bad it could be
              Unless you did it
Just to see

One last look

The dust covered street, is free of tracks, prints or trails
Beneath it lay one last generation, bones and dust mingle
When our dreams of the future fell apart, when we failed
Because we hungered for riches, as necessities dwindled
Neither rich nor poor survived, so now is time of remains
We knew better, but every prophet was killed who spoke
Every genius was used for war, and for leisure
When the planet was dying, from our misuse

Last Day of October

The morning chill is to the point, it feels like grieving
Rain or drizzle, with the cold is penetrating my being
All my memories, the loved gone, all sacred shadows
A day with no light, only mist, cloud, I feel so hollow
My ghosts try to speak but cannot be heard, only seen
I'm screaming soundlessly, begging to just dream
I shiver in the chill of mourning, then black out
We should have rules but can't see what's it about
Given a birth, suffer, find little joy, and lose it?
What's our purpose and how have we failed
Or have we somehow won, and missed it
Maybe spoken in a unknown language
Born in a new age, a new ideal
Or lost in the chaos
I don't know

The Reason

We possess very little, only this flesh
Every body part and organ, our breath
Our DNA shows the marks of a maker
Our purpose is perhaps to be a curator
Collecting experience, finding moments
Learn and grow, gathering components
Finding our design, to live for a reason
Existence is a moment, just one season
What is there beyond this, anything at all?

Am I Nothing?

What if I'm nothing, unworthy of being
Who I can I be, if I've never been seen
I'm a shadow, empty, a hollow thing
Do I matter to anyone, or have dreams
Or am I a speck of meaningless dust
Have I been so fully unworthy of trust
Unchosen, broken, a prayer unspoken?
I am not the one, with any sort of answer
I was, I know, created, not the creator
And yes I know I can't forget that
But once I die, I will find out who he is

Lift off

All attachments applied
Machine produces oxygen
Engines simulate all life
The dream zone is created
I am strapped into my chair
The module is fully sealed
Launch protocols entered
Post orbital rockets fire
Propelling the vehicle
Reaching deeper space
Until earth can't be seen
And all that lays ahead
Is rocketing passed us
In incalculable speed
We will rise and climb
Escape limits of time
By entering space
Without limits
Unbroken
Free

Press my off switch

I spent a lifetime of waiting, for promises made to be kept
When I rose to move on, I learned all my dreams had left
There was nothing inside me, but bone, brains and flesh
And now I wonder, what did it serve, what was my self
Everyone had died, the world was still spinning, and yet
Aware, I knew more than I wanted, that I couldn't forget
The mistakes I made, dreams I lost, nothing mattered
Because I'd believed that I'd be called, I would be met
With no long flight of stairs, or red carpet for arrival
The dust of a dead planet, human bones scattered
I was last, I'd mistaken words, others understood
There sitting, crossed legs, aged, a simple trifle
Expectations inflated in my manifest dreams
I am with glimpses of memories, my legacy
I'm nothing, but gears that move, a machine
My soul has left me, I've nothing but time
My body is gone, machines do not sleep
I used to be human, no longer
I am just steel and meat
Useless for any purpose
So now I will dream
Of nothing

The Warrior Samson

To kneel in prayer
To be made whole
To be filled with your spirit
To have you call my name
To be in your soul's embrace
I have nothing to give upon an altar
It's your heart that allows me to offer
I am lost otherwise, broken whole
I'd be cursed, rather than chosen
I am washed with your forgiveness
Like the rain falling upon my flesh
The sin is gone, and you are my lord
Grace abundant, mercy flowing out
I long for you to never leave me
So that you will be in my heart
In spirit if not flesh
Be my final breath

The Future Me

I had been broken inside and outside
My flesh screams in pain, by cyanide
Gone insane, black rain falls as tears
Radioactive soul burns, endless ride
The world decays, I fade from view
Dreams turned hollow, I am a ghost
My life's no different than anyone's
Days pass without moving forward
Memories last, but not with hopes

To explore the universe

The helmet he wore wasn't like those worn of war
It wasn't for protection, but to create an atmosphere
Where the craft was to go, it would be in alien skies
However superior in mind he was, there was no air
Understanding the need to then travel and reach out
The craft was fully secure, powerful, and could fly
Never to return to home, never to return to the earth
Find new worlds, full of life and danger, to conquer

My Angel

Each moment I'm away from you
A time I count as a time to suffer
Your scent, I recognize in seconds
Your voice, reminds of the glory
And your form is that of ambrosia
The beauty in you perfected, deep
Your spirit and your outer being
All remind me of Heaven's hills
There's nothing about you impure
And I long to be with you, there
Laying in peace, hand in your hand
Looking into Elysium's forever sky
I long for you, will look for you
I will search into the final lands
Led by my senses, all my life
To be with breath, still I rise
For there in the perfect place
I will be yours without worry
You, the only one, in my eyes

Lingering in Oblivion's wrath

To achieve all there is to be achieve, or be bored, to the core
To fail, thought of as radical and different, rather than poor
My life is a message to share, my mind can't express enough
So I scream into the void, I stare into the abyss, without love
My flesh falls from my bone, my breath lingers in my chest
The world before me offered, but I can't accept, or find rest
I can only wait for a last moment, when I know what is true
And confess how I have failed, or find the blessings accrued
Be astonished, unglaublich, this world is so very perfect
But I am not, and will never be, just broken and waiting
For the end, of everything and the void

The Final Words of an Eternal Fool

I'm a living testament to the cost of my sins
My selfish heart stole all of my being within
Of generosity, kindness, honor or the truth
My witness to my vapid being, of no proof
The end, my journey reached final terminus
There was only a drive to finality and justice
I could exist, physically stand and live, but
My flesh was rent, from the lack of concern
The desire for a life of no burdens or pain

Embracing Destiny

The Secret That Will Change it All

In Armenia, along the border of Iran, a mountainside collapse
Now, newly exposed were a great ruins, a treasure horde of riches
Flensed flesh of a former Greek king, captured by the Persians
Stuffed and preserved in the ancient ways, to keep him eternal
A golden chariot, built before time counted, pristine condition
A room filled with riches, scrolls and more, perfectly preserved
Weapons and writings, books and machine like ancient objects
The world would never know because the gatekeepers refused
This new timeline would be hidden, the former one would be useless
The secret empire that holds power, prizes its lock upon the vault
The items unknown would change the former record of history
The scrolls left within, the knowledge of a different truth told
Words and ideas are the full reason, to revealing everything
Human recorded (written) history, gets approved by Academia
So the scrolls presented something, something new and secret
If the entire world knew, it would change our species' origins
But who is afraid of change anyway, ... except the powerful
Except the wealthy, and except those who might be exposed
It is needed, for the truth, for our future, for our children
Truth leads to growth, even when they might hurt
Falsehood might make one feel better, but in the long run
The path followed will miss the desired goal
By many hundreds of miles

Dawn's Power

The genesis of life, our time swallows below
Speaks the prophet, a spirit world rises above
Dream of a madman or an enlightened dream
The cycles of disaster move from fast to slow
Dawn of the morning, burns the glorious love

The Storm

We rode through a valley, beaten warriors, refugees of war
The sky was black, without nuance, no single sort of cloud
The power of nature coming to finish off we few folk left
Riding the steeds, serving even as they must've been scared
We'd survived our war, not victors, and not able to be proud
It was driving through mountains, we could see just barely
Our path was unknown, we were fleeing, to save our flesh
In winds growing, the rain felt like stones, thundering loud
We followed our instincts and found a deep chasm ahead
A safe place, we prayed, thankful it wasn't our final breath

when the petrol tank is empty, but you keep driving

You can stay awake until you collapse
While a building is hollow but stands
You've no reason to go forward but for
Curiosity?
A pain burns yet you must go forward
You choose to live, yet dying is easier
What is in you that makes you go on
Wonder?
Why go on, why tolerate all the hatred?
Yet make it to that feared destination
For what, why pay such a cost?
If you are empty
And have nothing to pay
What is left but the end?
Still going, even on foot.
Live just to give the lack of a clear answer the biggest middle finger there is.

to dream so great, to imagine

I tried to dream of what it would need
To understand what it must be like
To have the imagination to create
It must require one to be an artist
It requires knowledge of science
It requires theoretical math and facts
No one being on earth has this
But what if one did,
Would we have a name for them?
Or would we just have to ask?
Would one bow before them
Or would they not exist in our form
One that thinks thought into action
Would that being have a name?
However would we call them
Or we are so small to them
Voiceless interested ants?
Building a better ant hill
For future generations?

Burnt and broken, I failed my King

Upon this planet we've four intelligent species
And with our great intellect, each are fools
Making new ways to make war upon others
My species is distinct in that we've wings
The rivals of ours, have skin twice as thick
Strength that could crush typical humanoids
All the other races, great and small are unusual
But the normal, of our world, is that we fight
Wars upon wars, scars upon our hearts
But whenever my Great King calls
I answer with my elite band
We follow orders, flying above the cities
As repeated launch of fire arrows fired
To prevent us from passing over the walls
And into the unprotected areas of their land
My wings were fully extended, and burned
My flight of warriors were nearly all taken
And the fire from the arrows, charred my skin
Wings broken, crashed soon my life would end
But this was due to my being one of the chosen
I fought for my people and land, and thus I fell
To battle over a frozen valley, to burn or die
My leader had given me hope, I'd no reason
With wings, having burned flesh, I was done
My ability to fight gone, it felt like treason
I wanted to fight, even die for my great king
Could only watch, was opposite of my being
I bled out, extreme pain, all I could is dream
An end of my life was unworthy, my body
Was cast into the eternal stream, of death
Another would come, take over my flesh
And use it, as I would have, had I not died
In the service of my great King 

When the moon is full

I was a child when in the forest I became lost
A mother wolf took me in, I feared dying but
She allowed me to become one of her family
I forgot the language of the words in English
So long in the darkness, I forgot human others
Then sounds of guns, loud attack woke us all
My kit mother was dead, I reached for a rock
From above I fell and cracked it over heads
Upon those human murderers and over again
Went to mother, my hands washed in a blood
It was partially human, part wolf, and cursed
From that day forward, I roamed the woods
Hungered, I'd kill for food, but certain nights
When the moon was full, the blood stirred
And the peak of the fullness, I was changed
A body like a man, but having fangs, claws
From not being changed by a purposed hand
My disease if you will, gave me a reason
Kill the guilty humans, who've no purpose
But to shed blood of the innocent, to slay
I could catch the scent of evil, and I'd act
Very quickly I made up for those stolen
The wolves that lived in harmony, lost
I was able to change forms, as I wished
Soon, the hunters fear the cursed wood
Even as I've never slain an innocent man
After which I'd howl, calling judgment
Upon the men who hunted others
For the joy of killing
In shame

For many Millennia I could plan

I served the Crown Princess Ankh-es-en-Amon
I loved her most deeply, in the fashion of love eternal
She died of poisoning, and her body was mummified
Though the scroll of life was hidden, I knew where
As the guardian of the princess, the task was mine
When reading it before her tomb, brutally caught
Broke my bones, tied in dirty linens, they cursed me
Placed in a wall to linger, until eternity arrived, alive
And my first act would be to revivify the princess
Then face eternity together, we would be together
Forever as one, facing the horizon, of sun and stars
And added unto the pantheon of the most holy
Egyptian Gods and their servant races

He Survived

February 20... 1943
Siberia, prison camp

our path there was long
but after the epic battle
we were made to march
we had no food to survive
in permanent winter cold
we had no warm blankets
only our tyrannical leaders
for whom labor is endless
it has become a joke to say
that we are somehow alive
we are ghosts, paper thin
for the great mother country
we killed peasants, soldiers
we killed gypsies and Jews
but for what purpose, cost
by words we did not transform
we did not become supermen
After Stalingrad, we knew
The War was over but for
all of the vile killing and loss
And a reckoning was to begin
In which the Nazis will fall
And Germany may be reborn

My Love, For Life

You laughed and you didn't think I was serious
You never believed me when I said I love you
You thought that I was a fool, a passing phase
But I had nothing, inside, but the beating heart
That called your name, knew your spirit within
You're my heart's home, and you are my dream
In our time united, I wondered why I deserved
To be loved by a being, a soul with such grace
I couldn't imagine, being so rescued by another
Almost 40 years together, it seems like a month
Your love saved me, constantly, a soul embrace
You are my greatest love, without a question

My Darling Simone

Every time I think of you, I cry
You gave me love, for me alone
You lived in fear, before we met
I loved you, a depth that burned
Others did not understand, at all
They'd never known how special
It was to be beloved by a shadow
Your beauty was a treasure, but
In your heart, your depth of love
You loved in a unique form, quiet
But innocent, gentle, if also silent
I'll never forget being loved by you
And worse, I'll always miss you
Until I find you again
When we are both in the world
Of spirit and love

To Fly

I knew upon seeing you, that my life was no longer real
Your beauty set me ablaze, your aura was sacred and true
Here I'd arrived, with a cold heart, failed life, even more
My life wasn't an experiment, I'd one chance, so surreal
To dream of something all my life, and fail the interview
I can't do more than I've done, but can keep trying to soar

Knowing Finally

If I were young again, I'd be sure
To appreciate the one of a kind days
To thank everyone who gave me life
To be better than my worst instincts
To rise after falling, without blaming
To dream of kind acts and live them
I don't know how I'd get back then
But I believe that we live in time
Maybe I won't get beyond here, yet
I finally know a path that is right
I finally know what is good and true
That will lead me to the highest castle
Resting secure, in Heaven

Oblivion Found

Within the Earth's central core
Beats the forge of molten metals
This planet befit for constant war
For the pantheon of greater Gods
Divided between Athena and Ares
Each fighting their proxy battle
As humans are needed for war
With armor, spears and scars
Harden hearts, call out jackals
Scavengers flee from warriors
Earth beats the drums of violence
Humanity cannot hope to win
Endless battle will drain them
And drain their souls within

They sent forth men to battle,
But no such men return;
And home, to claim their welcome,
Come ashes in an urn.

Aeschylus

All I need

Love is the entirety of the point of existence
So why do we fight, why do we hate so much
I surrender, my love, I love you as I always
Is there to remember, without love to guide us
Inside your heart of light, is the light I chase
I lived for myself, for so very very long
But doing so did my heart and soul no justice
I had to be broken, to find
That love is the only answer
Because bitterness is the toxin of self love
And hatred rises from our false beliefs
All of which causes a grave rancor
Heal yourself, and love as you are able
Because you are losing time
To make it right, to make it good
Your life needs love and truth
And little else

A Light into Darkness

Watching the storm come in, the winds push the sea onto earth
The solid breakers, meant to shatter incoming waves now fail
Light men, in the Light Houses lighting the path before others
Alone, working in desperately important work, saving people
Our dependency upon the sea, those workers upon that sea
Can only be perceived by the true danger these jobs all carry
Let us bless those who give so much, for the rest of the land

One Last Battle

I wore the chained mail, the gird of my belt, and a great shield
My Norman helmet set me out as a Viking of ethnic ancestry
And my broad sword was perfectly made, of cold forged steel
My life wasn't devoted to killing, but one must defend the land
I refuse to do nothing, when it is my duty to protect my kindred
Blow the battle horn, announce we have come to defend home
And win or lose, live or die, I will be with family, not alone
My family is my life, should I lose them, I will be done
For without them I would bleed endlessly