Life has a cost, I can't afford it

I wonder about the cost of this existence
I chose to follow a dream, and I have lost
If we are meant to be happy, I'm not that
I walked through deserts and wastelands
I searched for meaning and was reminded
Life was not meant for me, but for others
Cicero was right, if you think life is a gift
Its selfish if you spend it only on yourself
Instead I've no idea the cost, only that it is
I'd one life to learn, I spent it upon despair
No one's fault but my own but still hurts
Never mind yes I know, no one even cares
That's why life is difficult, the failure burns

Found My Cause to Fight

When I realized what it was that it felt like I knew
When I saw you again, it felt like love had bloomed
A thousand horses running across the fields, freely
Army's cadence in march, showed power sincerely
We can't know how our hearts will be moved now
We know only that if we are moved, love will tower
Over the cities and villages, all corners of a castle
A cause to fight for, if needed honorably die, in battle
You are my cause, as I saw your return from far away
Able to now know, love harvested this heart today
I bow before one, who made the moment and place
Vow my allegiance and feelings, at last I embrace

Our Lost Way

In the beginning we were free
Rejecting attempts to take away
All the values born by our birth
Fierce, independent, dangerous
But the years have changed us
We are now eager to fight
Eager to gather treasure
Eager to live for pleasure
By way of the curse
Of envy, hunger, and lust
We became Babylon
Not the Babylon of old
But of one, fully reborn
We've lost our own way
And memories of Babylon
Entered our native soul
It then paved a toxic path
Connecting us to a wrath
Well deserved and foul
Unprepared to pay the cost
Being a land dirty with sin
We must find some grace
Or we'll be forever lost

My Origins

I was broken by the world, but I rose up in the end
My body is temporary and time will always be short
I learned my personal narrative, I'm spark and clay
My life was a gift, no matter how difficult the pain
My death will be inevitable but it will not be final
As I am clay, God chose to create in me a vessel
His sacred hands chose every angle, every curve
I've received grace, something I do no deserve

A Reason we haven't reached Mars

Wouldn't it have been a quicker path to Mars
Practicing peace not war, and learn and grow
We instead chose wealth, power, force of arms
We've been losing all of our chances to know
We'd chosen violence, not a seeking of stars
We've practiced the art of war, not upon hope
Our preference for violence will leave only scars
Forever and beyond imagination
Our children continue to pay

Drama of the Whirlpool

There it is, the great new day, same as yesterday
Without any distinction, without meaning, a play
Curtain rise, actors and actresses take their place
Monologue, comes a monologue and a soliloquy
And the curtain falls, marking darkness and end
Comes silence of the night, the message to send
Why do we expect favor, grace, or good dreams
When our waking lives are empty, from our envy

Overcoming the Darkness

Bitterness, regret, life is filled with sorrow
But the world we live upon, offers beauty
We're fools to prefer the wounds, unhealed
Long confined in chains, when we've a key
Instead of freedom choosing to be slaves
Now to live for love, kindness and hope
Leave, if you prefer a broken former self
I need, if not deserve, forgiveness
I long to be washed in pure joy
Delving daily into a vein of pure love
And refuse to go back to the sorrow
I wish for more tomorrows and dreams
Join me, or reject me, I am ready to rise
Ascent to a place my being longs for
Elysium will be my heart's healing
Tall Grass, gentle hills, warm breezes
And the beloveds who healed me
Finding my deepest held wounds
Suddenly healed from the years
By a love that is undeserved
Grace pouring out, heals me
Allow a tired soul, to believe
Rise
Take my hand, and rise with me
Rise, for we are in need

AD 9: Europe: Germania Frontier Black Forest Aflame with War

The trusted guide led Rome's Legions deeper into a forest
It was the Teotuburg Forest, thick and famously cherished
While he was a German, he'd achieved Roman citizenship
Named Arminius, he hated Rome, was dedicated to its fall
The Legion's commander Varus thought well of Arminius
It was a trust based upon lies, deception, and executed plan
A rising of German tribes was the cause of the Legion's acts
Varus would down the rising and calm the Germania front
Arminus had planned his ambush well, and its occurrence
A great success, many Romans dying, boundaries changed 
Changed tides of the conflict between Rome and Germania
The name of Varus was a curse used by future Emperors
Loss of three full Legions, meant changed morale and goals
Buying for a time for Germania to feel superior to Rome

THE GIFT OF LIFE

The scene of a joyful activity
Two beings wrestling or something
On the bed of velvet electricity
Moments remembered in dream   
Coming to life in glorious birth
This one is perfection, a miracle
Fearfully and wonderfully made

Earth was, unaware of our presence
Surprised, reminded of our existence
Our earth would find our glory, yes
Found in a simple yet glorious form
We are human, and we are wonder
And our earth is worthy of our being

Earth existed for billions of years
The measure of time a human concept
True, humans had existed upon earth
Our being was seen as being an animal
Until the echo of birth, at last was heard
And humans became ascendant

Our organism, so small, unknown
Seeming to have been unimportant
Had now become the great master
For our planet is but a machine
Designed for an even greater role
Supporting and surrounding life

We live upon the single proven place
In all of the known universe and space
T'was made for creation and giving life
To explore, to find if life is the norm
Existence is a collection of beings
In every possible form, a miracle

Mother is Wounded by her Children

Humans can't recognize her painful screams
As our Mother Earth utters her plaintive cry
We'll crush life in ocean depths, remove wild life
We'll terrorize the forest, burn all living greens
Polluting the waters, dump chemicals in her sky
We are her enemy, but are called upon as guards
Earth's atmosphere is full of permanent pollutants
That are there as we in our arrogance did not stop
Even when called on to be her stewards, at last
Not thieves of the future, not arrogant children
We are only here for a moment, but not Earth
She'll be here, after we've reached extinction
And our actions have left behind damnation
But the scars we leave behind, are forever

The Madness Swallows you

PTSD is the epitome of a kind of wound
The wound is one you'll never heal from
Flashbacks and dreams, memories of slaughter
And the torment from the wounds you endured
Things burned in your brain, darkness forever
World of darkness, capricious thoughts return
Normal life impossible, feeling utterly insane
World sees you as broken and false sympathy
But you never asked for this, chosen for pain
Give your highest hopes no chance to happen
As you begin to rise, then beaten down again
With no cure, there is only losing one's fight
While fighting the demons to the death
In between breaths, seeking the light
And being blinded by the path
That allows you to find hope
At last you are able to come
And hope burns bright

To flee to another planet

Nuclear Weapons, Bio Warfare, Banned Chemicals
We've created many weapons, but can't cure hunger
We can consume this world, with fire in 15 minutes
We've chosen our end when its entirely unnecessary
Bullets, bombs, pandemics, can't hope for miracles
We've done it to ourselves, over and over the limits
The only answer is grace, or annihilation by robots
Or flee to another planet, with nothing but beauty
And let us start over, mindful of the things we lost
Change our behavior, start counting the final cost
Do not hesitate, the time is counting
All the dead will be uncounted
And earth will be a graveyard

A Reason to See it as Sacred

Spartans gathered, at the front of a pass, awaiting battle

An enemy was certain to arrive, only a matter of time
A cloud of dust, a thunder of feet announced the arrival
The massive Persian army came through Thermopylae
The Greek name meant Hot Gates, to some it was holy
First the Spartans fought the Immortals, proving the lie
Eventually numbers told, as did a betrayal by a traitor
After 300 faced 120,000, it was consecrated in blood
299 died, 1 sent to tell all of Greece, the Spartans died
Thermopylae was now sacred, born anew in courage
The war for all of Greece was hard but we now knew
The cost to Persia was enormous, and now they know
No one can invade our land, and think we won't resist
For we are first Greeks, and second, we are SPARTA!

No Longer Imprisoned

I'm the burden, lost in the modern world's understanding of worth
Born of rape, judged different from the rest, I was thought a curse
But my life was redeemed in the end, I found truth in my life path
Those who abandon me, and my friendship, I will have forgotten
Better live for a perfect judge, than change for those a false wrath

I am no longer imprisoned in my mental prison, I will be free

The Funeral

How many tears did they cry
How many hours were spent
In deep mourning or depth of pain
For the one they hated in life
Would their heart ever be rent
For that one making them insane
All their movement of the life
Then spent in despair and sorrow
Rather than joy, they endured a cold rain

Just Screw your Demand for Conformity

How dare I have asked, never to be invited
With an ire of so many unleashed, a misery
This life I've endured, I have barely survived
Life isn't guaranteed, a future isn't promised
I've a dislike for questions, nor any mystery
I'd rather exist alone, than address the crowd
My tribe screams for conformity or my death
Rather I fall to hate than give them my flesh
They've no reason, but despising my being
I'm alive, I know I'm different, even unique
Get your mediocre, flawed hands off me

Dreams don't matter?

You said you loved me, then took everything from me
And left me alone, with nothing but a pain from losing
This world swallowed me, pain was an unending terror
I didn't lose anything, but a feeling of needing to dream
Dreams don't matter, if your world doesn't even imagine
As when your dreams are shattered, dreams turn inward
Becoming nightmares, and moments of oblivion

The Arrival of Hope

The arrival of hope, in the midst of the darkness
Our future plans turn from despair and our fear
Time will stop and our dreams will be made real
Rather than the abyss of the unknown to stop us
This day will happen, never lose hope
A new you will be revealed

Not my Fate, Not my Time

So many times, I decide fate before its called
With so many on the line, before my time
I take my shot sure, but if I'd just waited
I should find my way, instead I just fall
 I walk away, without knowing, I walk
Then I see Death approaching my way
I look him in the eye, no fear, we talk
He sees in others their fear and hope
Not in me, I stare in his eyes, smile
Death will take me or let me go
Without regret or guile, we all die
But I will fall when it is my time
Oh I've no rush, but I am aware
That I've no escape, only time
And that is truly all we get
Nothing unjust or unfair
We live or die
That's all

At Last, We have Found it

Every life, every soul, every speck of sand
Atoms in motion unending, souls in action
Every breath, every movement, life rising
This flesh, in peace, knowledge of the path
These cold winds, toss dust into the oxygen
Our being finds the depths, release and hope
Everlasting Elysium, tall grass, gentle hills
We shall never age nor sorrow, never worry
For in this place, we know, Heaven is now
Now we know the one, we are with the son
Our hearts in union, the maker is known
We give our praise, at this, our reunion
Here we no longer seek, as we've found
The home we have always sought
We have now our sacred ground

Unholy Rain, Burning Generation

The rain falls, but it isn't washing anything away
Forever chemicals have a taste, numb my tongue
I run trying to dodge the falling water of radiation
The chemtrails left behind glow in the night's veil
Why endure, why fight to be alive
When the world is aim against us
AI missiles of knowledge are meant for the young
Philosophy being polluted, is now our damnation
The skies and clouds full, with unholy poison hail
We'll be better if we do not manage to survive
There remains no reason or justice

Torn by Momentum

The storm rides the horse, until the end trail
In the middle of the madness, deep in the chaos
The world is without a form, without a purpose
Inside my mind, there is no firmament, spinning
There is no axis, no center, but a mass of atoms
I rebel against the gravity, I rebel against order
I give in, give up and surrender to momentum
And let physics and mass and velocity rule

The Sacrificial Lamb, The Lion of Judah

By the Creator, by the Lord of All
On a day when we have been blessed
Given the arrival of the child of God
Given voice, after millennia unspoken
Becoming forgiven, begin again as chosen
Living as we were created, by the purpose
And covered in grace and his mercy
Our King has come, let us celebrate
And prepare the way
As he returns

Perfect Surrender

Broken upon a torture wheel, made to beg for survival
But I can breathe through tears, and I bleed out black
The ink of a poet can be expressed, knowing that truth
The knowledge and wisdom of world, beckons arrival
The reckoning will destroy nearly all, but for a miracle
I pray for revelation, the final curtain's fall to be stayed
The suffering, the payment of cost, the perfect sacrifice
End is in place, we must own our failings, be cleansed
Embrace the graves, oblivion, or burning unimaginable
We've a chance to avoid our final fate, a lamb pristine
Mercy, wool white as snow, red wine given for blood
I'm not worthy of forgiveness but blessed by grace
I've surrendered and wherever this life ends
I earned my fate

To Wander The Desert

The world turned me away, I was stripped of my name
Walking alone in the desert, no water, no areas of shade
The sun seemed appointed to my being, focused on me
The throat was parched and dry, with no hope for oasis
I thought I was meant to endure, but perhaps I was not
The world is our test, we're meant to pass, perhaps I will

One Chance

How many times must I have to break down
Before I realize, every being must be reborn
Clay and spark are not enough, we must rise
Before all the sands run out of the hourglass
I pray, hoping to not find all hope is gone
We may pursue a world through all the scorn
But whatever we do, we're limited by time
In our life we've only a single last chance
Let us live, find the path, and find hope

My Only Love

As I saw her eyes, I saw a future that would be ours
I saw the eyes reflect, movement and joy, our son
Dreamt of a heart in her love, to share a life's hours
Her flame red hair, beautiful being, a soul inspiring
Her intellect frightening, wisdom earned and towers
I was saved in her, her glory, in her living power
Born and renewed, I found my being redeemed
By a kind of love I could never imagine, finding
One heart that is kind and good, a love binding

The Bodies Floated upon the Shores

We crossed the North Sea, over the submerged Doggerland
Forty healthy men and women, armed for war, and focused
Our task was to land silently, swiftly march to Saxon shores
And kill the villagers, and burn the buildings of the villages
So that the next series of ships, waves of the next invaders
Could land closer to the populated cities and fortified towns
And burn them as well, and light the shores with the inferno
With the final wave of ships landing, crushing the defenders
And by doing so, we leave Britannia in the control of Danes
None of our first wave lived to see the results of our invasion
None of the second wave survived, but destroyed their targets
Third wave succeeded, by the strategy, pointed the last wave
Forward, nothing was stopping the Northmen, from victory
I write this from Valhalla, and I remember the cries of war
The drums pounded and beat, the roars of screams of anger
Accompany the Saxons to death, and Northmen to their fate
The loss was counted as necessary, the tribe leaders satisfied
I watched the deaths as I was pulled from the field, to speak
The slaughter helped no one, as violence only lingered more
Saxon shores polluted by blood, burnt ships, burnt villages
All Doggerland's ghosts watched in horror, over the harvest
For nothing, as dead floated, some in armor, upon the shore

For Sarah, WINTER OF THE HEART

Sarah showed me extraordinary care, from the depths of her heart. And I experienced a thaw, in December.

The View from Sacred Ground

Standing upon sacred ground.
The days are different, but same.
The seasons change, but not me.
I am a fool.
There is no other reason.
Spent every day feeling betrayed.
When I had everything I needed if not wanted.
As I watch, others suffer, and am haunted.
Entitled and selfish, feeling a stain.
My path felt like some treason.
From a fate so cruel.
I am alive.
I could have been dead.
Suffering, but could be tortured.
The world is suffering, 20,000 die a day.
From hunger, from diarrhea, from violence.
I should feel hope and fortune, but deny.
This world is nothing but beautiful.
This life is fortune and glory.
But I see it from the depths.
Of the one who is lost.
And never found.

Dedicated to those miracle workers who showed me how to embrace my world. My being. Acknowledge my creator. Love and embrace those who are kind and empowered with hope.  I am fortunate, however foolish and empty I approach this my existence. I love my friends, j't' adore, ich leibe diche. Ti' amore.

The Wait Before Arrival

All are the same, each start alike

Held wet in their sack of fluid
Like a perfect organic machine
Regulating that future live being
Their arrival but a matter of doubt
Some are taking time in delivery
Every one of us aren't ready to go
Some arrive before completion
Soon or later, the water breaks
The mother unit's water flows
Time ticks, and running out
A being is born to the world
Fearsomely, gloriously
And powerfully made

The Glory

I stepped forward into this life that had danger
It only occurred to me that it meant more later
To live a life that meant more than I could see
My love for many, for those who cared for me
I was blessed beyond, and so I thank the world
Being so much more, something unpredictable
When I could be empty, without love or mercy
The grace I've experienced goes well beyond
And those who are in this land, are glorious

"Joy, thou spark from Heav'n immortal,
Daughter of Elysium!
Drunk with fire, toward Heaven advancing
Goddess, to thy shrine we come.
Thy sweet magic brings together
What stern Custom spreads afar;
All men become brothers
Where thy happy wing-beats are."

    Friedrich Schiller

Not Less For Being Different

I have been accused of being gay, due to my tears and emotions
In romantic terms I've never been that, but it isn't an insult to me
I am not afraid to show my emotional feelings, it is in my nature
My love has been aimed at powerful women, beautiful and bright
Beyond those I love, I'm moved by the soft, the kind, and caring
What is the society's weakness, if kind is then perceived as weak
But I'd rather die remembered for being kind, than as an asshole
If I am weak, my voice is still working, if I am sad, watch me cry
I had a birth mother, an adoptive mother and a mother in law
I'd rather be dead than ignore the good they did for my life
My wife taught me what love was, my sister taught me joy
Women, in every respect move me, so I will not apologize
Emotions, love, hope, kindness, aside from beauty, are glorious

Books to know the power of women, and their worth

The Circle

Surrounded by a circle of thugs, assassins, and back stabbers
All cannot wait for the opportunity to take an anger out on me
This Earth is lawless, no, it is much worse than that, but wild
Can't be tamed by order, only fall much further into entropy
I'll not let the darkness become perceived as being the light
One must stand before them, absorb the damage that rules
I'll give my life if necessary, for the baseline of humanity
Used to be good, it used to be about nobility and courtesy
But now, life became how order will decay into havoc
But before humans are lost in madness and violence
Surrender, choose to die, before becoming like them

I know it

Among the many, I am one of the few
Those liars all hate me, I speak the truth
My dreams are empty, but soul is inspired
No hope has been lent me yet I'm on fire
I don't care if it kills me, don't care if I die
Even if I'm toxic, you drank poisoned wine
Life is over, my life is over
But it is never over, it isn't that easy
The hard part remains
I call the name
When the gate is locked
But I'm going to be getting in
One way or the other, I have no shame
My brain is diseased, you know I'm insane
If you ask why I'm in
It's about sin
And who you know
Who you believe
Who you trust
What's burning within

At Road's End

I spent my years, there is nothing left
The world called for more, to silence
Before me was a world of infinite hope
After me, the world will spin and turn
My beginning was hard, I was bereft
I never was what he wanted, but quiet
The years of hope were short, darkness
But in the darkness we must be ready
To live at all or see what's really there
I'm no more sad to die, than live anew
A true world is found in a narrow path
To live is to love, to exclude from life
A cancerous wrath, the arrogant being
I want to know what I tasted, and hope
So that when I am gone, I don't linger
In hope that I didn't miss out, in envy
For I ignored much, I avoided more
As now I am broken, nothing's offered
So I will sleep in eternity, until I wake
Asked why should I stay I'll simply say
I fail, but know well the truth I believe
That's all I know, that, and I'm tired

God Only Knows

XOMBIE

He's a xombie after a life of fire and burning
Let loose in their soft beings with a hunger
Those yet living scream in fear and fleeing
But that xombie still lived, he'd never died
Torn by horror, survived all things hurting
Stood alone, with a heart beat like thunder
So ugly and frightening, he just was being
And those who never felt pain, died inside
They never knew what it'd took to endure
Never knew pain that drives you forward
The xombie was being honest, not hiding
The life still left behind was horror, pure
But no one cared to ask, nor to seek
They ran away, refusing him to heal
In fleeing the prejudices revealed
Humans hate anyone different
Whoever they really are inside
Whatever they wish they'd be
Themselves most of all

Inside our Heart

In a world where the shadows give us the fullest embrace
The cold winds are our breath, and we live just for a taste
We are alive in a void, oblivion's emptiness sucks our life
Our flesh shivers but a fire inside our heart keeps us warm
But we endure, we survive, and do so by divine design

A Very Cold December

The month December is cold, being here in the North
As are the hearts of people turning from the homeless
We linger in our heat, comfortable beds, and blankets
Not different from the world, it long ago turned away
Snow can preserve and freeze, it can also be a slayer
Freezing you inside, and then stops body functions
Not telling you what to do, but empathy saves lives
We shiver in the freeze, we do not want to live there
Reach out for a moment, and connect with another
By that giving them hope, that life is not hopeless

The Truth is

Despite being relentless, I still failed
Nothing'd help, because I was a stain
My flesh became pale and decaying
Enemies attacking me were constant
But truly, I was my greatest enemy
I let the flames burn my cord, feeble
There was nothing inside and worse
Every person I love becomes cursed
The world laughs, thinks I am a liar
But what I am is honest about life
I've failed and it is my full legacy
It's not a matter or a point of view
It is a thing many people don't do
About their life, they can't tell the truth
It requires too much pain, and honor
But I know what I've done and not
I've a disease, it is called entropy
And there is no cure, it is my lot
It is simply the truth