Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Broken Since You Left

I keep pacing
Wearing away a trail
Inside this room
I've been broken apart
And trapped inside
These four walls are my prison
Soon will be my tomb
There's a stone inside my heart
Since you called
When I remember the day you left
It ached inside from my soul
To deep in my womb
I saw your bus
Disappear from the horizon
I knew I'd never be the same
I waited
From winter through to fall
To see you again
Oh my soldier boy
My hero
Come back and make me alive
Oh my son
I ache to see you again
And I can't endure
This pain
Since you've been gone
So very long


Monday, February 27, 2017

I once loved a Princess

I once loved a Princess
Her beauty was
Beyond my reach
So very perfect
This Princess
Can I have dreamt it?
Always remembering
Being so in awe
Reality is painful
Yes, I know
Love is hard
We are not angels
We are flawed
It feels like
A cold winter rain
But I remember her
She was my deepest hope
And now I am ashamed
For I lusted
Rather than truly loved
How can I ever trust
My heart again
The memories will remain
And the depths of my despair
The depths of my insanity
Will ever be my bane



Sunday, February 26, 2017

Generational decay



Time becomes a flood
Washing away memories
Of the days that became
Golden
Hallowed by blood
Now abandoned
As their children become vain
Valor forgotten is courage lost
The machine grinds
As culture sleeps
Generations distant
Ignorant of the blood cost
Of being free
Live for pleause
For sensual reward
They live
Callow lives
With hollow dreams
Lives are emptiness
We've become as sheep
To the slaughter
Culture regresses
With no knowledge
Of the impending fate
Nor of the past
Their minds inside
Are lied to, and misled
They could still thrive
Could instead fly
Rather than become insensate
From the constant din
From the hum
Among the rest of the hive
We are not drones
We are not empty of thought
But conformity and pain
Lead to nothingness
We lose greatness
Lives of worth
That courage
And genius wrought



Saturday, February 25, 2017

Demons

In the burning furnaces of hell
Fetid, fecund demons
Swarm around a pulsing mass
Where the chained souls of the damned
Wiggle and move about to escape
They scream for help
Condemned by their treasons
They have no names
Lost in the depths
Of the burning fires of hate
No fire can purify by flame
The sins of the guilty



Friday, February 24, 2017

worms

a small catastrophe
he sleeps beneath
dead branches
stone cross
thorns growing
others live
Life continues
despite the loss
of one
the worms live
even thrive
none aware
of the circumstances
of the tragedy
yet life goes on
against all chance
time is a river
and death is a journey
once begun
there is no coming back
and for some
there is no good reason
to desire that



Thursday, February 23, 2017

Broken God

One less prayer to give
One less god to beg
One less god to show me mercy
Fist smashing glass
Bleeding me
Covering me
In a shroud of crimson
In some fucking baptism
I looked in the cracked mirror
and saw I'd become almighty
God of my heart
Believing myself holy
In some false catechism
My world opened
By the fires that burn
In the cataclysms
Of my false holiness
of my false heart
I stare in the mirror
and the gaze that is returned
is covered in blood
of the beast who burns
I am the last
of the unknowing
I am the final seal unbroken
And it is what I deserve
I gaze into the abyss
It looks back
And calls me
Home
To be broken indeed
By my demons



Wednesday, February 22, 2017

regret

Farewell my love
I cannot begin
To explain
How much I miss
You being here
How did I survive
Before you entered
My life
How did I exist
Let alone thrive
Without your breath
In my chest
Why did I not understand
How fortunate I was
Instead I linger in regret
That cannot be assuaged
By anything
Only my heart screams
Where are you
Farewell again
How your love
Reminded me
Of my great
Fortune
To have dreamed
With you in my bed
To have loved
With you as my heart
My home
My life




Tuesday, February 21, 2017

doesn't matter

it doesn't matter she said
you never cared
he was wordless
he felt dead
inside
but she was wrong
and couldn't know
for his despair
how wrong
because
she made a career
of running
and she ran from him
far enough away
he could scream
and no one would hear
but he was sure
some day
somewhere
someone would
and then
the echoes
against the empty walls
would drive him
mad
and that was all
he could handle
without disintegrating
losing his mind

Monday, February 20, 2017

window watching

needing nothing to lure
me to the wall
I sit in fetal hug
covered with a blanket
solemnly, silently
watching
as the rains fall
I can't say I am unhappy
the rain washes my soul
caked as it is, badly
with the splatter of blood
and disaster
worries of the world
feeling so cold
despite being warm
perhaps the world needs me
I have my doubts
the windows are sprayed
by the drops falling
I am laid
across the floor
waiting to be healed
but it never comes
far too late
to save me



Sunday, February 19, 2017

Failure

Sometimes in a dark place
I consider my life
And refuse to embrace
The negative zone
I live within
A pool of sin
Fetid fecund swamp
Filled to point of bursting
With my foul temper
My failed ardor
My empty thirst
I am the curse
More depraved
Than the orgies of Rome
I am my own destruction
No one will save me
Not in this life
Not for my soul
Or my flesh shell
No
Despite the cost
I make the reservations
I purchase my way
To travel to the lowest realms
Of hell inside
Alone
Listening to the many stories
I tell
To make myself feel nothing




Saturday, February 18, 2017

Hands Up!



I surrender
I promise
To remember
My failings
Into forever
I was mistaken
I should be forsaken
Because I was wrong
Soon I will be gone
But I promise
To never return
You'll forget
I was here
Before long

Friday, February 17, 2017

dreams of sunshine

Sleeping in the sunshine
Of ever after
In my dreams
Childhood never ends
Warmed inside
By the feeling
When reminded of the joy
One might have had
Before the cost
Became too much
To endure again
Ever
So I cried
Not for the pain
But that this place
Would pass away
Someday
And the real world
Would replace
My dreams
With fear
And emptiness


Thursday, February 16, 2017

how many angels

how many angels
crashed to earth
falling through the aether
wings burned
because of me
because of my being
such a vulgar sack of meat
I was given this world
and I used it
For my pleasure
Wasting
A world of treasure
For my lust
And leisure
An exquisite orb
beautiful and unique
sacrificed for my sins
how it paid
my screams absorbed
into the depths
now lost
forever
echoes and reminds
me of my folly


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

too much

I can't go on
since you died
I have been bereft
nothing left inside
except my screaming mind
nothing to do now
but to wait
for the homicide
suicide
deicide
nothing left
but to wait for the end
one way
or another


Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Prophet's visions

Cursed with visions
I stare into the sun
Becoming blinded
Hero to none
I gaze into the future
And see only darkness
Lives slaughtered
Hung up by the butchers
There is only fear
And the unknown
The river of time
Isn't filled with water
But the agents of death
Birth and Destruction
Heed me blinded generation
Don't not hold the hand
Of the first
Who is seduction
Or the second
Who is damnation
Do not offer sacrifices
Upon the altar
Or shame will evolve
And destroy us all

Monday, February 13, 2017

I am begging

I begged you
please just try
but you wouldn't
couldn't
and simply sighed
saying why would you
the entire time
I was praying to be
released
from the jail
your love puts me in
Just let me go
I can't escape
on my own
just let me go
so I might die
another day
so I might fly
another way
but I sit here now
in my throes
of the silence
of the absence
of the refusal
to love
that you have woven
with the promise
of never leaving
break me
make me what you want
instead
you leave me
untouched
unloved
unwanted
as good as dead


Sunday, February 12, 2017

Eyes closed, bad memory


The living passed on by
Never caring
Never looking
At the stack of bodies
Looking like cord wood
Never moving
Limbs and bloated bellies
Hiding comprehension
Of reality

Children behind the wire
Expectant of nothing
Knowing of the pain
Of watching parents die
Being fed into the fire

Wedding rings from the dead
Amass in piles of ire
A banality, of normalcy
Who could have imagined
The lives gone
And no one bothers to remember

Rouse Juden
Your lives belong to us
Achtung Romany
Your lives are cord wood
And you will burn

Leave your shoes behind
Your dead bodies
Will be piled high
Without clothing
Or respect

But the guilty watchers
who avert their gaze
Will never again know truth
Lies fill their days
And the end for many
Comes without mercy
Or memory

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Under the Heel

For the machine of empire to function
There must be new conquests
Constant battles
Legionnaires dying
The Empire grew
At a cost
Of youth


The empire was ascendant
Roman rule was deciding
The fate of Europe
And the path of modernity
Without knowing it

We are the descendants
Of the order that was made
And our lives are lived
As if they just started today

But history happened
And we are inheritants
Of a world once wild
Now tamed by order

The empire reached out
Finding
Conquering
Imposing law and boundaries

The thinkers of the day
Never wondered
If justice was absent
They received the treasures
Of the empire's plunder

Disobedience to the Empire
Meant legions returning
Thunder and lightning
Creating a theatre
For the spectacle
A panorama of blood

The killing
Crops burning
Crucifyied rebels
Destroyed homelands
So many dead
The screams become a flood

Rebel children wandered
Parentless they'd become
But they refused to cry
Every time a new war begun
More dead to bury
The flames of conquest lick
To the sky


Memories to fade
In modern times
They are forgotten
Lost tribes die
Become invisible
To the future
As if they never lived

Germania, Hibernia, Britannia
Beneath the heel of the empire
Were forsaken and unforgiven
The Icenii
The Gauls
The Gaels
Resisted 

The world was made
To bend to the order
Of the Roman machine
And we are her children
So many years since

Still conquering
Still fighting the wild
And never stopping
No matter how many die

--------------------
For more studies






You can refight the battles of Rome


CELTS VERSUS ROMANS 

I am moved by the story of Boudicca, and have written a number of works concerning her, and the general history of Rome versus the wild tribes of Europe.

If you are moved by the story of Boudicca, please consider buying

You can write to me Alexanderness63@Gmail.com

My Author page on Amazon, soon to be updated
My Published Works
Views from me, cancer, motivations, & spiritual matters
Thoughts about stuff
Fictions
My journey to find truth


Friday, February 10, 2017

F it all

How many times did you tell me
Just give it up
And I thought you were joking
But now
I am undone
You just walked away
Left the union we made
Ignored my pleas
Just so you could have some fun
Don't bother returning
You can't rebuild the bridge
You've spent so much time
Destroying it
It might as well just burn
You've broken me in half
Taken your sweet time
I can hear your hellish laugh
And you are in my mind
Sitting above and pointing
While I fall
Now I am considering
Knowing
Just how it feels
To say fuck it all

Thursday, February 9, 2017

I am not a unicorn

A quest, a knight
Darkness born
I am an honest fool
I freely give my heart
I fight
So others might endure
My chest is bared
My heart beats
A horror rhythm 
Pulsing
Coursing
Blood red crimson
I am more rare
Than a unicorn
As perfect
As pure
As I am flawed
I am but an animal
My soul torn
From the body
I realize
That I am wrong
More than right
I am a fool
Not profound
I am not perfect
The crown of thorns
Is not my crown
I am flesh, not spirit
I will mourn
When the time is ready
I have endured scorn
For my fears
I have been beaten
My clothes rent
My fears adorn
My body
Ashes on my forehead
My head shorn
When the day is done
My hope stillborn
When I am sinking
I realize the end
Is my doing
I have been wrong
All along



Wednesday, February 8, 2017

They were worthy of Rome

Some called them animals
Some were called savage
And many were covered
Indeed
By the scars
Of the bloody wars
They fought with
Crimson coloured
Roman legions
In Gaul
And Germania
Wars without reason
Other than for simple pride
With no real winners
Rome believed
It was placed high
Above the world
To rule with iron control
But every empire has its seasons
And Rome's winter
Saw it fall
After losing its soul
To slave works
To seeking only pleasure
The Barbarian hordes
Would be looked down upon
As demons
But then things changed
Slowly
Barbarians became Romans
After which
The world would ever
Seem tame
As foes of the empire
The barbarians were worthy
Of being called noble
And receiving fame
They were worthy
Even more
They were victorious
Over those who had judged them
Lacking in civility
Even if they were
In ways beyond measure
Glorious




Tuesday, February 7, 2017

False Hope Generation

we destroy
more than we've ever built
we are ignorant
every dream is covered
with false gilt
we've been breeding it
Directly from our arrogance
that we could ever fail
We simply believe
it is meant for us
but that is a lie
there is no justice
the world seems to think
that nothing is worth dying for
when in fact, that just points
to the decline, we make our own world
divine
if we hold it to be sacred
and life to be precious
every life
every breath taken
a miracle
instead we assume
it was meant to be
forgetting every single act
that led us here
so keep staring at your screen
never live your dreams
sleep in the skin
you've given
you are all correct
there is nothing
worth dying for


Monday, February 6, 2017

with no chance of love

here am I
please be kind
so tired of rejection
alone every night
going out of my mind
with loneliness
with no connection
I am praying
begging
just let me sleep
without those dreams
that have me
craving
a partner
love
and romance
but there is no chance
I am going to be
here alone




Sunday, February 5, 2017

To Follow the God Mars


Their greatness endured From Republic to Empire , and despite the constant wars, the periphery was afire.

The wild tribes, from the North, Barbarians challenged the millennium's hegemon.

The empire required Absolutum Dominium, Control of every life; Pater familias: Emperor to his kin.

Husbands and wives, Slaves and gladiators, Peasants and lords; Farmers and warriors, and, artisans and craftsmen might exist, but they did not live.  It was only by the kiss of death, or freedom granted by their master.

The empire owned every moment and every breath.  It would abide no strife. Gladiators and slaves did not even exist or live, but rather they were permitted to serve.

An individual's future was not allowed, unless by decree; only by the pleasure of the empire.

Citizens were entertained by the servile gladiators battle; acting out great events, their lives determined by the crowd's roar.

With the scars over the hearts, and minds seeking  only leisure and pleasure, and arranged violence, Romans raised praise to a god named Mars who  reveled in a warrior's blood lust and the dying in wars.


(with appreciations to JDelano for style and format suggestions)


free to be in misery

I am free
leave me be
why do you wonder why
I wince upon the thought
of getting back to being
with you
how we fought
I never want that again
I want to be alone
miserable
unloved
haunted
without anyone
to say I
will never be the one
someone wants
leave me
let me be
miserable all by myself
you don't love me
so why do you want
more from me
than I can give
why do you suck
the breath from lungs
so I can't live
any longer
being with you
is so very wrong
it breaks me
go away
I want to be alone
forever
forever alone


Saturday, February 4, 2017

Beyond Fortunate

Had I never loved
You
I should ever be
Ruined
I was blessed
Beyond any curse
To find you upon this earth
Wherever you are
My heart goes along
And my life is proof
One can grow
By simply knowing
One such as you
I am beyond lucky
No fortune was ever
So great
As my heart is
Rewarded
By love from you
My love
My perfect partner
I can only see forward
There is no past to live in
And the present is simply
A base to judge
The future upon
Onward together
You caused me to see
The splendor of heaven
The joys in this life
Offered up to me
Because of you
I experienced
The sweet divine
And I became alive
Because you
Gave me a heart
To beat
And feel inside
My chest
Bursts with hope
You are my cause
And my belief
And my dreams
You healed my scars
My spirit renewed
Because I knew you
Thank you so very
Very much
My love



Friday, February 3, 2017

exchanged

never said I should stay
you just spoke to me
by your actions
they speak in their own way
you never asked me my desire
instead you spent the time
assuming I wanted
to transform
You wanted magic
to transpire
my soul cried out
by doing everything for you
my life would be yours
my heart paid for
my soul be devoted
without question or doubt
but you never bothered
to lay claim to my heart
my pride doesn't matter
but I cannot live
without love
without a covenant enshrouding
while you dither
over love attachments
following
cowing me
to obey


Thursday, February 2, 2017

I ran

I ran from the wall of sound
Coming from the tower
Of black clouds
I paid no attention
To the caws of the crows
Nor to the blood beneath my feet
On the snow
Escape was my only thought
I am not proud
I was a coward
Running from certain death
Was a natural reaction
From a man
Who fled responsibility
In every action
He ever made
I would never know
How my life
So contorted and twisted
In my feeble attempts
To exist
Could ever make
An impact
Upon anyone
Soon enough
I tired of running
And stopped and looked
At the clouds of darkness
Coming forward
To digest me
My life was a waste
Decayed and crooked
I know
In my haste to escape
I forgot to say goodbye
To the people who said
They'd miss me
If I were dead
And
That is fine to say
Death strips away
All the pretense
All of the horrid shame
Of knowing
And not doing




Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Cast into the darkness

I was broken and dark
My fears were out of control
Life was an intoxicant
Leaving me with only flesh
Drained of strength
When you found me
I had been crushed
Laid in the shadows
Labeled as trash
You discovered that
One such as I
Cannot be allowed
To survive
In this modern era
Taking me home
You recreated me
Guided your hands
To sculpt my form
With expertise you wove
Every inch of my being
You healed me
Filled my lungs
With new breath
Nullified the consequences
Of a life abandoned
And hope destroyed
By your elegant skills
Magnificent mind
Exquisite perfection
You helped me
Avert the catastrophe
You were as my oxygen
You fed me your soul
I drank from the well
Your spirit made me whole
And I still
Desire to know more
My hands now
Can touch
Can feel
Can move
And I am flooded
With clues
As to my origins
Who am I?
Yours truly
Very much